Culture Cup 2.0 Round 6

First topic message reminder :

Round 5 is over and what a controversial round it was.  The big winners were Stella with Definitely Maybe and Beadle with Grace who both pick up maximum points.  All is not what it seems though.  Tactical voting from at least 2 people (myself and Jeff) and possibly more meant that Grace was able to claim joint first place.  There is just never any reason for Definitely Maybe to be in a discussion about greatest debut albums.  Never.  It has crushed my soul to think that people believe that.  But hey, what do I know.  Apparently it’s “musically important”.  Who would have thought it.  I thought it was just important for sales of Parka coats.  I’m deeply fond of Stella but he deserves to be locked in a room with SerialDAVE for an hour as punishment.  Locked in a room after SerialDAVE has just been snubbed by the whole of SLAYER.  GrumpyG*lfer had a solid round with The Who, picking up 8 points.  A great round for Paul as his 6 points for the Sex Pistols means he has joined Hero at the top of the league.  A massive zero for Hero (see what I did there?) means a few posters have closed the gap on our reigning champion.  Sean would have had a storming round, but he is too dim to comprehend simple questions and as such, nominated Slim Shady which fell outside the criteria.  Shame.  Union Cane managed to pick up some votes for Force & Styles which will cheer him up after getting nothing in the last round his favourite film of all time, The Iron Lady.  Big news in the battle between Jeff and Mel Gibson superfly.  Jeff, somewhat surprisingly, got nothing for the Gilded Palace of Sin whereas ‘Fly got a solid 5 points for The Stone Roses (which he only picked to sh*t on Jeff) meaning he leaps above his arch rival in the table.  No holds barred in that particular scrap.  Poor old Galted.  No votes or points for him again but don’t worry, he has procured a new pair of cargo pants and laces for his Hi-Tecs so has a spring in his step regardless.  No points for SerialDAVE with his pick, which is probably bad news for Bradford’s prostitute population.

Here is the updated league table:

1) Hero 30 pts
2) Paul 30 pts
3) Trebs 27 pts
4) C&R 24 pts
5) The Boss 24 pts
6) GumpyG*lfer 22 pts
7) Ziggler 21 pts
8) Fat Head Adam 21 pts
9) Harrier 19 pts
10) Michaels 16 pts
11) weeman 16 pts
12) Beadle 16 pts
13) Azzy 14 pts
14) Shah abu-bakr 12 pts
15) Stella 12 pts
16) Nakatomi 11 pts
17) SerialDAVE 9 pts
18) superfly 9 pts
19) Jeff 8 pts
20) Jules 8 pts
21) Union Cane 7 pts
22) Dagless 7 pts
23) Ray Mears big fat zero pts

Round 6 is back to books so please see the poll for WHAT IS THE BEST SPORT THEMED BOOK EVER?

Disclaimer: Dolphin Ziggler would like the forum to know that everyone that chooses “Fever Pitch” (which was a lot of you to be fair) is a

Ziggler wrote:complete c*nt.

And –

Ziggles wrote:I want that opinion made clear in the thread’s introduction

Remember, IT’S OPEN FOR ALL OF 606v2 TO VOTE.

Thanks.

I think you do my anecdote a disservice. A member of Westlife was at my mum's house. He has been in the living room (well best room, we're northern) he has almost certainly sat in a chair I have sat in. It is massive.

And did clarkson's au pair.

GOSPEL

Rowley wrote:I think you do my anecdote a disservice. A member of Westlife was at my mum's house. He has been in the living room (well best room, we're northern) he has almost certainly sat in a chair I have sat in. It is massive.

Was he the one found bummed to death in Majorca?

My sister briefly went out with the trumpet player from Belle and Sebastian.

I almost knocked over the dwarf ex-wife of one of the Proclaimers.

seanmichaels wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

Rowley wrote:If that's a dig at me beadle screw you, my story is a zinger. Not up there with superfly caddying for Del Amitri, but solid enough in its own right.

I have to admit that it was a dig at you. However, given that my best 'sleb anecdote involve tripping up Al Green, I can't really tease too much.

Caddying for Del Amitri is good, but getting given money for stickers by Graham Thorpe is better (unless of course Azzy is Graham Thorpe's son).

I snogged Sonia Jackson.

"I utht to thnog fit blokth, I'm jutht doing thith now!"

seanmichaels wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

Rowley wrote:If that's a dig at me beadle screw you, my story is a zinger. Not up there with superfly caddying for Del Amitri, but solid enough in its own right.

I have to admit that it was a dig at you. However, given that my best 'sleb anecdote involve tripping up Al Green, I can't really tease too much.

Caddying for Del Amitri is good, but getting given money for stickers by Graham Thorpe is better (unless of course Azzy is Graham Thorpe's son).

I snogged Sonia Jackson.

That's not something to boast about. Even among a group of people who will never meet you.

This is actually a true story. Through a spaz email where it was cc'd rather than bcc'd, I happened across the personal and business emails of several (10-20) A-list sportsmen the other day.

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

Rowley wrote:If that's a dig at me beadle screw you, my story is a zinger. Not up there with superfly caddying for Del Amitri, but solid enough in its own right.

I have to admit that it was a dig at you. However, given that my best 'sleb anecdote involve tripping up Al Green, I can't really tease too much.

Caddying for Del Amitri is good, but getting given money for stickers by Graham Thorpe is better (unless of course Azzy is Graham Thorpe's son).

I snogged Sonia Jackson.

That's not something to boast about. Even among a group of people who will never meet you.

Most people know already. Had a great shot of it as well. She was bear hugging me from behind.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

Rowley wrote:If that's a dig at me beadle screw you, my story is a zinger. Not up there with superfly caddying for Del Amitri, but solid enough in its own right.

I have to admit that it was a dig at you. However, given that my best 'sleb anecdote involve tripping up Al Green, I can't really tease too much.

Caddying for Del Amitri is good, but getting given money for stickers by Graham Thorpe is better (unless of course Azzy is Graham Thorpe's son).

You tripped up Al Green?  Can you expand on that?

And don't be fooled by the caddying for Del Amitri.  Jeff is deliberately getting it wrong to wind superfly up.  superfly actually went 10 pin bowling with the bass player from Deacon Blue.

Took the wife to see him at the Royal Albert Hall. He was amazing, but was sweating like a r***ist in confession. Anyway, he went for a wander down one of the centre aisles while singing. Since I was in the aisle seat, I thought I'd get a photo of him. Leant back to take it, and didn't realise that I'd left my leg in the aisle. The Reverend took a bit of a stumble over my outstretched foot and I never got my photo. I thought for a minute he was going to hit the deck. He's pretty old, so I reckon he'd have put his hip out.

As I said, not a great story, but it's the best I've got. On the subject of embarrassing hookups though, apparently a friend of a friend snogged Timmy Mallett in a club during her Freshers week.

Voted for The Secret Race as it's the book I'd have picked if I wasn't honour bound to pick the legendary tale of Niall Quinn's glorious life and career.

Rowley wrote:I think you do my anecdote a disservice. A member of Westlife was at my mum's house. He has been in the living room (well best room, we're northern) he has almost certainly sat in a chair I have sat in. It is massive.

Really? I was sure there was a dog in there somewhere.

seanmichaels wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

Rowley wrote:If that's a dig at me beadle screw you, my story is a zinger. Not up there with superfly caddying for Del Amitri, but solid enough in its own right.

I have to admit that it was a dig at you. However, given that my best 'sleb anecdote involve tripping up Al Green, I can't really tease too much.

Caddying for Del Amitri is good, but getting given money for stickers by Graham Thorpe is better (unless of course Azzy is Graham Thorpe's son).

I snogged Sonia Jackson.

That's not something to boast about. Even among a group of people who will never meet you.

Most people know already. Had a great shot of it as well. She was bear hugging me from behind.

Stick a strap-on on her and you could have re-created your school days.

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

Rowley wrote:I think you do my anecdote a disservice. A member of Westlife was at my mum's house. He has been in the living room (well best room, we're northern) he has almost certainly sat in a chair I have sat in. It is massive.

Really? I was sure there was a dog in there somewhere.

Ther was, the dog was the reason he was at my mum's house. He was  mating his bitch with my mothers dog I believe.

Are we talking about "bitch" in the hip hop sense of the word?

superflyweight wrote:

Stick a strap-on on her and you could have re-created your school days.  

That is uncouth. I think i proved to myself that I am NOT be a bummer earlier when I stumbled across the picture of Gareth Thomas in the bath with Jeff. That made me feel uncomfortable. I can't imagine if I saw the bird from emmerdale in a bath with vanessa feltz I would feel uncomfortable. May actually be a turn on in some ways....

superflyweight wrote:Are we talking about "bitch" in the hip hop sense of the word?

Can't be. Sure the westlife chap concerned was a bummer.

Rowley wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

Rowley wrote:I think you do my anecdote a disservice. A member of Westlife was at my mum's house. He has been in the living room (well best room, we're northern) he has almost certainly sat in a chair I have sat in. It is massive.

Really? I was sure there was a dog in there somewhere.

Ther was, the dog was the reason he was at my mum's house. He was  mating his bitch with my mothers dog I believe.

Do they sit and wait for it to happen?

Or did your mam and the bloke from Westlife put some mood music on, light a few candles and retire to the dining room until your mams dog had done the deed?

Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it. Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

? so your hampton swells till you become locked together with mrs windows and can't get it out? no wonder you've fathered a regiment.

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

? so your hampton swells till you become locked together with mrs windows and can't get it out? no wonder you've fathered a regiment.

Once upon a time.

I need to take a run up at it these days.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

You probably should have added "for sex with other dogs" as anyone just reading that last post and not trawling through the rest of this quite frankly fascinating conversation, may be a tad concerned that Jeff's Mum needs a visit from the Police and RSPCA.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

? so your hampton swells till you become locked together with mrs windows and can't get it out? no wonder you've fathered a regiment.

Once upon a time.  

I need to take a run up at it these days.

Would have thought you could march in three abreast these days

DAVE667 wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

? so your hampton swells till you become locked together with mrs windows and can't get it out? no wonder you've fathered a regiment.

Once upon a time.  

I need to take a run up at it these days.

Would have thought you could march in three abreast these days

DAVE667 wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

You probably should have added "for sex with other dogs" as anyone just reading that last post and not trawling through the rest of this quite frankly fascinating conversation, may be a tad concerned that Jeff's Mum needs a visit from the Police and RSPCA.

Might also want to have added that the females he's had sex with are human and not canine.

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

You probably should have added "for sex with other dogs" as anyone just reading that last post and not trawling through the rest of this quite frankly fascinating conversation, may be a tad concerned that Jeff's Mum needs a visit from the Police and RSPCA.

Might also want to have added that the females he's had sex with are human and not canine.

I'm not fussy, Beadle.

There is some money in the dog breeding lark. We used to have a stud dog, he was on £250 a pop and was doing about two a week for a good three year period.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

You probably should have added "for sex with other dogs" as anyone just reading that last post and not trawling through the rest of this quite frankly fascinating conversation, may be a tad concerned that Jeff's Mum needs a visit from the Police and RSPCA.

Might also want to have added that the females he's had sex with are human and not canine.

I'm not fussy, Beadle.

Have a word with Jeff's mum then. She may be able to hook you up. For a fee, of course.

Rowley wrote:There is some money in the dog breeding lark. We used to have a stud dog, he was on £250 a pop and was doing about two a week for a good three year period.

Should probably add that you continued to breed with other dogs for another five years after your stud dog died and that you took over the duties

She only has pugs at the minute, she is getting on a bit. They don't seem particularly fussy, am sure one of them would sort Tina out.

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

jbeadlesbigrighthand wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Jeff will confirm but i believe when a dog inserts his sausage into the axe wound it expands to an extent  whereby they become locked together until all the jizz has seeped out of his balls.

I'm aware of the physiology behind it.  Unlike you, I have actually had sex with real females, it is more how Jeff's mam gets her dog in the mood.

You probably should have added "for sex with other dogs" as anyone just reading that last post and not trawling through the rest of this quite frankly fascinating conversation, may be a tad concerned that Jeff's Mum needs a visit from the Police and RSPCA.

Might also want to have added that the females he's had sex with are human and not canine.

I'm not fussy, Beadle.

Have a word with Jeff's mum then. She may be able to hook you up. For a fee, of course.

Might want to add he wants sex with dogs, not Jeff's mum......although at this point I could be wrong

Rowley wrote:She only has pugs at the minute, she is getting on a bit. They don't seem particularly fussy, am sure one of them would sort Tina out.

Do you mean in a fight?

DAVE667 wrote:

Rowley wrote:She only has pugs at the minute, she is getting on a bit. They don't seem particularly fussy, am sure one of them would sort Tina out.

Do you mean in a fight?

F*ck off, Serial.

Small kids is one thing, but I'd kick the sh*t out of a pug.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Rowley wrote:She only has pugs at the minute, she is getting on a bit. They don't seem particularly fussy, am sure one of them would sort Tina out.

Do you mean in a fight?

F*ck off, Serial.

Small kids is one thing, but I'd kick the sh*t out of a pug.

I just had a vision of a Pug in trackies sauntering down the street with Tino's son in a spiked collar nearly tugging the lead out of the pugs paw.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Rowley wrote:She only has pugs at the minute, she is getting on a bit. They don't seem particularly fussy, am sure one of them would sort Tina out.

Do you mean in a fight?

F*ck off, Serial.

Small kids is one thing, but I'd kick the sh*t out of a pug.

Only if you snuck up on it from behind whilst it was asleep/heavily sedated and you had three mates with you...I'll leave the rest of them to finish off that joke

DAVE667 wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Rowley wrote:She only has pugs at the minute, she is getting on a bit. They don't seem particularly fussy, am sure one of them would sort Tina out.

Do you mean in a fight?

F*ck off, Serial.

Small kids is one thing, but I'd kick the sh*t out of a pug.

Only if you snuck up on it from behind whilst it was asleep/heavily sedated and you had three mates with you...I'll leave the rest of them to finish off that joke

Optimistic.

I went away for two hours and we went from childhood memories of golden summers to golden showers from packs of horny dogs. You lot are insatiable.

Well done, Azzy, a 27-hour michaelsing.

That is hall of fame standard michaelsing

Should have posted on Monday Galted.

Was poor timing on my behalf, not my worst decision this Culture Cup either.

That's a bit like saying Gary Glitter isn't as bad as Jimmy Savile.

Nonce Top Trumps is probably a good place to end this round.

VOTING IS NOW CLOSED.

Can an admin please close the poll?

The Final Double Point Extravaganza Round is next and what I want from you is THE BEST COMBINATION OF FILM, ALBUM and AUTHOR. It can be any combination you like, there are no restrictions at all. I just need one album, one film and one author (not a book/poem/play, the actual author of it). People can then vote for the best combination of the 3.

I'm not going to bother with the random list as the chances of anyone having the exact same 3 picks is pretty remote. If it does happen, then I'll just choose basis who I like the most.

Please get your PM's in.

I've closed it, I still have the power apparently.

I think I might go for Forrest Gump, Britney Spears and Nick Hornby - need to think about it though

Adam D wrote:I think I might go for Forrest Gump, Britney Spears and Nick Hornby - need to think about it though

You can't, Hero has already picked that exact combination.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Adam D wrote:I think I might go for Forrest Gump, Britney Spears and Nick Hornby - need to think about it though

You can't, Hero has already picked that exact combination.

Be quite a combo in that sh*g marry, kill" game

Shag Marry Kill would have been a belter for the final round.

I'd go Mirren, Bradbury, Al-Bagdadi.

Actually I may decide to kill Bieber over Al-Bagdadi. And Kanye West actually. And people who litter.