The Last Film watched (CONTAINS STAR WARS SPOILERS!!)

First topic message reminder :

I watch two films over the last few days

Seventh Son: Absolute tosh, it felt like a bad D&D film from SyFy

The Wedding Ringer: It was a fun movie, predictable but fun, "Who the hell are these guys, it's like the Goonies grew up and became r@pists"

I finally got around to watching Trainspotting 2. I was waiting for something to happen, which didn't, so I was left a little disappointed. I liked the nostalgic feel about it although I expected more character exploration of the time between the right now and previous 20 years. The trailers also gave me a different impression, so some things that I expected would happen just didn't happen (what were they addicted to in this one again?).

I have to say overall I enjoyed it.... as it's Trainspotting!

Wonder Woman. Standard superhero type film, but WITH A WOMAN (shouts of "shock horror!" from the back). Unfortunately, it's still standard superhero garbage, so lots of back story needing to be told, convenient fitting together of little bits of plot, unusual but barely fleshed out buddy roles, comic relief who has obviously had most of their good lines cut out of the final edit, and the obvious lead to a sequel.

Gal Gadot is well cast (I can't really imagine anyone else doing it to be honest) and does well, but her English accent is so clipped it becomes annoying. Granted I know that English isn't her first language but I just can't get on with it. Chris Pine plays himself. Sadly, it's over-long (and I reckon it had to be trimmed down from about 3 1/2 hours) plus it's REALLY predictable. There's plenty of action though. I REALLY wanted to like this film, but as with the majority of the superhero genre, it falls short of what I expected. It's standard Bank holiday weekend viewing really.

5/10 from me.

Hmmm. The Mummy. Universal's first "Dark Universe" film - well it's not very good. Tom Cruise = miscast. Humour = forced and sometimes unnecessary. Action = plenty, frequent. Effects = too many to mention. Unbelievably bland female lead = check. Russell Crowe is the best thing in it, but only to set up his own standalone Jekyll/Hyde film. 4.5/10
Brendan Fraser, I miss you...

Both Mummy films with Brendan Fraser-Rachel Weisz were epic. Oh that takes me back. Brendan and Rachel don't ever change!

The Mummy 1/2 were favorites of mine growing up. Wasn't expecting this film to live up to those and it sounds from most sources as if it hasn't. (Special effects aside).

Wonder Woman

I saw it yesterday. Not too bad a film but a little bit too long. The other review says that it really predictable. Well, what do you expect? We all know going into the cinema that Wonder Woman is going to win the battle and save the day.

My Cousin Rachel


Tino memorial rating, even though he claims he's not dead: 3.76215

GSoE: 4

HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 10/10 – brilliant titling, possibly one of the most accurately titled films I've seen, the entire thing was about his f*cking cousin Rachel

Michaels scale of tits OR war: 0/10 – nothing, a woman and her horse fall off a cliff but you don't get to see it happening

Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 1/10 – two tickets, a large popcorn (salted) and Cherry Ice Blast for myself plus a small popcorn (sweet) for the missus came to £36.  I give it a 1 and not a 0 as the straw I got with the Cherry Ice Blast was flattened into a spoon on one end which aided the search for flavour pockets after my initial assault using the straw's sucking facility.

TattieSconesRRN-Q: "I would rather you hit me than to watch you cry" (or something to that effect).  Quite a good one, keep mentioning it in different forms to the missus whenever I p*ss her off and she can't help laughing which p*sses her off even more.



Suitably tedious attempt at one of those dreary 1800s Gothic love stories a la Wuthering Heights.  Came close to dozing off on a few occasions so don't watch it if you're on hayfever medication (if you feel the need to watch it at all). I managed to keep myself awake during the first half hour by eating my Cherry Ice Blast too quickly which gave me a headache so bad it reached halfway down my back (not sure if it counts as a backache as it was clearly due to there being too much pain for my head to bear on its own).  Once I ran out of Cherry Ice Blast staying awake became an ordeal, especially when it became clear Weisz wasn't going to add to the tits part of the Michaels scale.

If you need to watch a movie about My Cousin then watch My Cousin Vinny instead, much more entertaining than this drivel.

Excellent review.

Thank you, Rick. I hope it helps you to make the right choice when you next visit the cinema.

Went to watch Baby Driver last night. Such a cool movie, plot is a bit generic in parts but happy to let it slide as the car stunts and chases are excellent and the soundtrack is complements the movie perfectly

Galted wrote:Thank you, Rick. I hope it helps you to make the right choice when you next visit the cinema.

It really is an excellent review. Focuses on all the key points that I want to see in any film review and rightly steers clear of describing the plot or general themes of the film.

Everyone else should take note!

Got through a few movies over the weekend

Office Christmas Party - yes I know its July, but this is hardly your traditional Christmas movie. Aside from being set at Christmas time its not festive in the slightest. Its funny in parts, not really that good though. Very average movie that you can stick on for 90 minutes if you're bored, even if you're not paying attention there are parts to make you laugh 2.5/5

King Arthur - at 90 minutes I wanted to switch it off but I'd already come too far to give up. Why Guy Ritchie thought the one thing the legend of Arthur needed was a bunch of 'cockney geezers' I don't know. Terrible movie. Won't be watching again if I can help it 1/5

The Belko Experiment - it is what it is. Generic mindless violence and gore. Again, one to throw on if you have 90 minutes to kill and even if you switch off for a bit the chances are you haven't missed anything of any importance. 2/5

Spider-Man Homecoming - My favourite iteration of the character since Spider-Man 2 with Doc Octavius. Tom Holland is brilliant as both Spidey and Peter Parker. Keaton plays a decent villain, good supporting cast too (the lad who plays Peter's friend plays a really good role). Going in I was concerned it might have too much Iron Man, but all in all he's used sparingly. Great action and good laughs. All in all very enjoyable 4/5

Going to see Spiderman tomorrow.
Looking forward to it.

Watched Logan last night. A nice violent film and am glad it was not PG 13.

Thought Spider-Man was decent.
Tom Holland played the part well.
Big Michael Keaton fan, he was good to.

Probably prefer Holland to Garfield and Maguire.

Wait, this new spider man is another reboot?

Madness.

It is and it isn't. You've obviousy already seen the new Spider-Man character in Civil War, this is Holland's first standalone movie as Spidey without it being an origin in to how he became Spider-Man and the uncle Ben stuff

I liked Spider-Man. Wasn't too mad on some of the things in it, like Karen and the different webs he could use, but I've read some reviews on IMDb and they seem pretty overly critical about it.

Watched 'London has fallen' last night

wisden wrote:Watched 'London has fallen'  last night

And.... ?

mikey_dragon wrote:

wisden wrote:Watched 'London has fallen'  last night

And.... ?

Shoite... Unless you want to see how Americans can teach the SAS a thing or 2

War for the planet of the apes


Tino memorial rating : 7.3178 i enjoyed this, decent finish to what ive found a entertaining series. wasnt much a fan of the old ones and the less said about the remake in 2001. but these have been by far and away the best

GSoE: 7

HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 7/10 – there is a war and its on a planet, but falls down that it isnt simply a planet full of apes though. there are humans and quite a few horses who seems to get neglected in the titling. should be war for the planet of apes, humans and horses. strangely no other animal are seen anywhere in film

Michaels scale of tits OR war: 6/10 – plenty of violence, but the only tits you see are monkey tits. might do it for michaels but not for me

Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 7/10 two tickets for 15 quid aint that bad, ive got a card that gets me student prices in the printworks, add to it a meal in prezzo before hand was 2 for 1 using tastecard wasn't too taxing on the purse strings

TattieSconesRRN-Q: "uh uh ah ah ah" - a monkey

compelling and rich wrote:War for the planet of the apes


Tino memorial rating : 7.3178 i enjoyed this, decent finish to what ive found a entertaining series. wasnt much a fan of the old ones and the less said about the remake in 2001. but these have been by far and away the best

GSoE: 7

HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 7/10 – there is a war and its on a planet, but falls down that it isnt simply a planet full of apes though. there are humans and quite a few horses who seems to get neglected in the titling. should be war for the planet of apes, humans and horses. strangely no other animal are seen anywhere in film

Michaels scale of tits OR war: 6/10 – plenty of violence, but the only tits you see are monkey tits. might do it for michaels but not for me

Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 7/10 two tickets for 15 quid aint that bad, ive got a card that gets me student prices in the printworks, add to it a meal in prezzo before hand was 2 for 1 using tastecard wasn't too taxing on the purse strings

TattieSconesRRN-Q: "uh uh ah ah ah" - a monkey

Excellent review, C&R, particularly the introduction of the Tastecard which has been overlooked on this thread.

I haven't been particularly keen to see this film but the monkey tits sound interesting (for research purposes) so might give some of it a watch if it's shown on tv.  I've seen real-life monkey tits and baboon tits as well, and elephant tits.

Spiderman Homecoming

Tino memorial rating : 9.1265 great film, Spiderman done how it should be done.

GSoE: 9

HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 8/10 – IT is a film about Spiderman and features him coming home a few time, and a homecoming prom,

Michaels scale of tits OR war: 4/10 – plenty of violence, but PG violence, no nips of any kind but Aunt May would defo get it.

Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 1/10 Leeds City centre cinema, with food to boot, left my F***ing tastecard at home, and forgot my 2 for 1 tickets

TattieSconesRRN-Q: "Why can't you be a friendly, neighbourhood Spiderman" - Tiny Stark

rick_dagless wrote:Spiderman Homecoming

Tino memorial rating : 9.1265 great film, Spiderman done how it should be done.

GSoE: 9

HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 8/10 – IT is a film about Spiderman and features him coming home a few time, and a homecoming prom,

Michaels scale of tits OR war: 4/10 – plenty of violence, but PG violence, no nips of any kind but Aunt May would defo get it.

Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 1/10 Leeds City centre cinema, with food to boot, left my F***ing tastecard at home, and forgot my 2 for 1 tickets

TattieSconesRRN-Q: "Why can't you be a friendly, neighbourhood Spiderman" - Tiny Stark

That's put me right off seeing it. Thanks for the heads up.

Got your back, supes...

Dunkirk

I was concerned as there is a lot of hype surrounding this. Shouldn't have been IMO a superb film, the same event covered by three areas of land/sea/air across three periods of time 1 hour/1 day/1 week. Great action, plenty of commentary on heroism/cowardice/survival all with very little dialogue. If there is a better film this year I want to see it, early Oscar contender for Film, Director (Christopher Nolan) and Supporting actor (Mark Rylance).

had the misfortune of watching wonder women the other night, what a pile of sh!te that is. was going to do a full review like last one but this didn't deserve my time, wasting enough of it watching it.

was it just me or was the cgi like something from the 90's. never been a fan of the overpowered super heroes like superman etc. and this one is right up there with superman returns (well maybe not that bad). all that running around stopping bullets with her bracelets was a bit laughable.

only positive.......... my word shes fit

Mockingjay part 2 -----a bit so so, and still think like with all the hunger games films, if you haven't read the books you miss parts of the nuance's that makes the books okay.

Mechanic and Mechanic Resurrected and Parker - Standard Stathom stuff, crash bang wallop, gets the bird, more crash bang wallops film ends. Top class stuff in my book.

John Wicke - Was okay, preferred the Mechanic though

Just watched John Wick 2...actually thoroughly enjoyed it....until the end! What a poor end...and just sets it up for another movie and an even bigger blood bath which im not sure im that interested in to be honest.

The Mummy (the new one with Tom Cruise)

Tino memorial rating : 3.652. Pretty shocking really. The first half is a dreadful slog though some half-decent action in the second half. You're quickly left wondering how on earth Tom Cruise hasn't been killed yet. The inevitable love interest and redemption was  , and the attempt to set up the expanded universe shoe-horned.

GSoE: 3.

HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 5/10. While it does sort of centre around a Mummy, said Mummy doesn't stay in a mummified state for long enough to justify the titling IMO.

Michaels scale of tits OR war: 2/10. A little violence but nothing noteworthy while the action under the sheets is all hinted at rather than shown.

Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 10/10. Downloaded off t'internet.

TattieSconesRRN-Q: "Zzzzzzzzzz" - Me, after about half an hour.

Transformers: The Last Knight (this is the 68675th sequel I believe)

Tino memorial rating : 4.367 - LOOOOONNNGGG film!!! Best bits are Bumblebee and Nemsis (Optimus) Prime fighting and the end which teased Unicron!

GSoE: 4.

HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 8/10. Many transformers but also too many humans. There was also Knights involved but not sure which was the last one (I assume they mean Prime, but he's a transformer).

Michaels scale of tits OR war: 7/10. Lots of violence, action and fireworks (Bay's speciality) but no tits!

Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 10/10. streamed from the web.

TattieSconesRRN-Q: "I am Optimus Prime!"

Very much the same as the others - entertaining in parts, but long and no plot. God I wish they would make it like the 'Transformers: The Movie" cartoon from the 80/90's.

Excellent reviewing chaps, almost Rowleyesque in its poetry and yet gripping and informative. It makes me feel as though I'm at the cinema, hating the film and the director and the cast.

I second that one Hornblower, remake the original movie and do it now.

finally got around to Ant Man last night and was a pretty good film, a bit goofy in parts but solidly done a good little 2 hour time waster. Spot on.

Hate the Transformers franchise, Michael Bay ruined a childhood favourite for me. Let's not go into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, that requires a thread of its own.

Watched TMNT 1 and 2 yesterday, thought they were both okay popcorn kiddie action flicks. Nice to see Krang on the big screen and a rehashing of the old theme, don't really get the hate for either of them other than Bay was an executive producer.

Finally got around to Batman Vs Superman but at 3 hours was overly long and couldn't shake the feeling that it was 2 films in 1 really, ther's a really good story lurking underneath all the crap and a couple of tweaks could/should have made it all the better couple of points
1. Lex isn't a nutter he's supposed to be a businessman genius who keeps twisting out of his punishment
2. Wonder Womans entrance seemed a tad forced still good though
3. Would like to see a full film of Superman going bad
4. when they reboot this in the next few years, keep it at 90 mins - 120 and make 2 movies if you have to.

The bad Superman thing may happen (of sorts) I believe Red Son is in the pipeline.

If you want to see a proper bad guy Superman, read the Injustice comics

Or games.

Kong: Skull Island

I've always enjoyed this kind of film and I thought this was excellently done.

And John C Reilly is only 52! Tough paper round.

Watched Goon 2 last night

Entertaining movie providing you're not expecting anything award winning. I liked the first so it was just more of the same

watched IT last night

Personally I liked it, but I did have a few reservations about it

at nearly 2 hours 15 minutes its too long. I'll admit getting about a hour and forty minutes in and wanting it to end soon. This may have been to the fact that I was tired, but I think even on a second viewing I'd probably feel the same

They give too much away in the trailer. Unfortunately this is the norm nowadays, but a lot of the scares are there for everybody to already see without paying to see the movie. There are still some in there, but I thought you could see them coming a mile off. However, I will say that judging by the majority of the cinema goers reactions, a lot of these jumps and scares did have the desired effect.

I only watched the 90s version for the first time the other week, and I found the Tim Curry Pennywise to be effortlessly creepy (almost as terrifying as some of the acting in it), on this most recent one I think they've tried a bit too hard when often less is more

My main gripe though was some of the dialogue. There was a lot of forced humour in the script that for me, took the shining (apologies for the terrible Stephen King pun) off what I thought was going to be creepy and unnerving movie

In spite of these points its still a good movie, I'd watch it again despite the long running time, if only to watch it in a bit of peace and quiet instead of the multiple cretins talking between themselves in the cinema last night

XXX2 - Utter Poopie

Was flying to China and back recently, so have watched a few recently, including binge-watching some Marvel movies. Will do proper reviews in the correct format in a bit.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Thought it was a bit average TBH, baby Groot is fun enough, but I found both the attraction between Quill and Gamora, and the angst between Quill and Racoon, to be a bit grating at times. Seemed to lose a lot of what made the first film so fun IMO. Drax is terrific though, and steals the show. 5/10

Rewatched the first film to figure out if I was just having a serial overload of superhero movies, but no, still excellent.

Iron Man. Another which I wasn't all that enamoured with. Bit too much "by numbers"and predictable for me, though it's very well executed. RDJ is excellent. Given the ratings I expected a bit better, though it's a solid enough film 6/10

Arthur, Legend of the Sword. Won't be everyone's cup of tea, but I enjoyed it! Very silly, and doesn't stick to the classic Arthur tale, though does incorporate some of the more obscure elements of the mythology. Have seen it described in some places as "gritty" which I don't really understand. Think "Lock, Stock" meets middle-age epic, and for me it was fun. Not a great movie, some of the CGI is clunky, but Ritchie throws so much at the screen you're never bored. The lead actor has all the charisma of a wooden spoon, but somehow it works, and the rest of the cast are good. Highly entertaining. 7/10

Dunkirk. Am an unabashed fan of Nolan, though I did think he went a bit OTT in Interstellar. This one though I loved. Terrific movie, great atmosphere throughout, the beach scenes in particular. Nolan back to his best. 9/10

Bladerunner 2049.

I can see it won't be everyone's cup of tea. It has flaws, and it is very very long. But it is also truly great. It's the type of film that will only earn a couple of technical Oscars but people will still be talking about it years after the actual big Oscar winners will be long forgotten.

Its the only film ever in my life that I have gone to see more than once in the cinema.

Jigsaw

Absolute pile. It had potential, unfortunately, it's incredibly obvious in the first scene what the plot is; if you pay attention. They could've saved some grace by changing the reveal at the end, but even so, there's only one decent 'Saw' type death, the rest all promise gruesome, but fail.

I hope this isn't the start of a new franchise, as it's already incredible tedious after this one reinvention.

The babysitter - Schlock horror, funny and mental. Brilliant although the after screen credit wasn't needed

Saw Murder On The Orient Express last night.

Reviews online and in the media appear mixed. I can understand that.

On the plus side - an all star cast led by Kenneth Branagh with some wonderful scenery and cinematography in an entertaining mystery of not just who dun it but why.

Less good - Branagh as Poirot is a bit too athletic and he takes up so much of the screen time that others don't get enough of a look in whilst some of the computer generated background is too obvious. Also, answers tended to be presented rather than clues being worked out.

7/10. Not a masterpiece by any means but an enjoyable adventure. I'll be happy to see any future Poirot stories with Branagh and there's a hint at the end that one may be on the way.

guildfordbat wrote:Saw Murder On The Orient Express last night.

Reviews online and in the media appear mixed. I can understand that.

On the plus side - an all star cast led by Kenneth Branagh with some wonderful scenery and cinematography in an entertaining mystery of not just who dun it but why.

Less good - Branagh as Poirot is a bit too athletic and he takes up so much of the screen time that others don't get enough of a look in whilst some of the computer generated background is too obvious. Also, answers tended to be presented rather than clues being worked out.

7/10. Not a masterpiece by any means but an enjoyable adventure. I'll be happy to see any future Poirot stories with Branagh and there's a hint at the end that one may be on the way.

Interesting choice to play Poirot, always seems wrong to me when anyone but Ustinov plays him.

Not quite the same thing but I hope Branagh makes a less cringeworthy Poirot than Steve Martin did Inspector Clouseau, a poorly delivered accent can make for a very distressing movie experience.

Murder on the Orient Express. By the looks of it in the little trailer snippets I've seen, I'd go see it for the scenery/cinematography. Would I be fully listening to the script/story? Probably not, as I don't know how many versions of the story I've now seen in bits and pieces and I still don't know 'who did it!' DA DA DAAA!!!
If I actually listened to the story unfold, I'd be the only one in the cinema shocked by the denouement. "Not the little Dwarf manservant!!!!!!!!!!!! Not him?!!!!"