The Fantasy Lions 2017 Thread

[Guest]

*Lions 2017 Tour to New Zealand*


Head Coach: Up to you!
Defence Coach: Does it matter!?
Attack Coach: It could be you!
Forwards Coach: Who cares!?


That's right, it's the thread for all your Lions discussion without the burden of reality! Don't like the idea of Warren Gatland as Head Coach? Then worry no more, because all your prayers are answered!

This is the place for all your hyperbolic hypotheticals, the place where New Zealand is as far away figuratively as it is literally! Don't like the look of that Brodie Retallick? Don't worry, we've got F.E.C. Maro Itoje who can outgun him with his added advantage of media hype and the burden of expectation! What's that you say? That Ben Smith looks like a worrisome fellow running the ball back in a broken field? Fear not boys and girls! Don't worry so, for in this realm, we can run the ball with gleeful abandon, safe in the knowledge that nothing bad could ever happen. Let the players express themselves, reach their potential, or at least to have something to put on the DVD!

But what about the fact that the Lions are at such a systemic disadvantage on Tour? That there's only a few weeks to come together and face the World Champions in their own country? Look at them! Just look at them! They're going to destroy us, there's no hope, no chance we could ever-

Shhhh...don't worry about that. Here, try a different kind of black stuff There you go, feels better, doesn't it.     And another. Mmmm. If you were coach you'd have won 3-0 in Australia? Yes. Thats it.   No, of course it was anti-Irish to drop BOD.     That's right.  Shhh.   Yes, Phil Vickery could be a good bench option ...no, I haven't seen him play recently either, mind, but I'm sure he'd do a job...

[tigertattie]

Head Coach: Maro Itoje
Defence Coach: Maro Itoje
Attack Coach: Maro Itoje
Forwards Coach: Maro Itoje
Backs Coach: Maro Itoje
Kicking Coach: Maro Itoje
Media Spokesman: Maro Itoje
Waterboy: Jonny Gray
Physio: Don't need one as Maro Itoje is indestructible

[Scottrf]

You're kidding but I probably would rather have Itoje as head coach. At least he has a winning mentality.

[Guest]

You're kidding but I probably would rather have Itoje as head coach. At least he has a winning mentality.

You heard it here first.

Donald Trump for Lions Head Coach with Charlie Sheen his unwilling deputy.

[IanBru]

Head Coach: Jeremy Corbyn
Defence Coach: Gen. James "Mad Dog" Mattis
Attack Coach: Bowser
Forwards Coach: Jim Telfer
Backs Coach: Gregor Townsend
Kicking Coach: Sergio Parisse
Media Spokesman: Mark Kermode
Waterboy: Tom Daley
Physio: Andy Goode

[SecretFly]

I think all of you are crazy.

It's a joke thread!  Why are you all taking it so seriously?

[Gooseberry]

Head Coach: Steve Hansen
Defence Coach: Ian Foster
Attack Coach: Wayne Smith
Forwards Coach: Mike Cron

[Gooseberry]

Cant beleive noone has a place for a token Scot

[SecretFly]

Head Coach: Steve Hansen
Defence Coach: Ian Foster
Attack Coach: Wayne Smith
Forwards Coach: Mike Cron

 

Now, at least you're getting into the spirit of things, Goose.

[GunsGermsV2]

Brian O'Driscoll should be brought to New Zealand to fill the Alistair Campbell role as head of PR. He should be invited on the pitch to place a leaf in front of the Haka or some nonsense like that to annoy everyone from New Zealand.

I think Steve Walsh should also be brought out of retirement to ref every game provided he abuses as many people as possible.

Schalk Britts should be taken along as Owen Farrell's personal assistant/face slapper.

Ill be disapointed if the Lions dont burn an effigy of Tana Umaga at least once as part of their pre-match ritual.

Dwarf-throwing, wife cheating and harbour jumping should be arranged as standard for the England players to boost morale.

Clive Woodward will be appointed to the newly created dual head of arrogance/anti-Wales role to build confidence and promote equality in the squad.

I think we need to as as much spice to the utterly flavourless Warrenball fest as possible to prevent fans from falling asleep.

[tigertattie]

Cant beleive noone has a place for a token Scot

Ehhhhhh I think you'll find my waterboy is Scottish!

[rodders]

You're kidding but I probably would rather have Itoje as head coach. At least he has a winning mentality.

You heard it here first.

Donald Trump for Lions Head Coach with Charlie Sheen his unwilling deputy.

Fake news.

[LondonTiger]

Alternative facts.

[SecretFly]

Head Coach: Lord D
(More a motivator coach than a hands-on one.  Good interpersonal skills and never one to turn up to a press-conference without a line or two to take the pressure off the players)

Defence Coach: Luckless
(Noble, stoic soul that knows how to down a running flourish by some smug young backs with too much attitude.)

Attack Coach: PhillBB
(Let's face it - no coach has a better record in attack)

Forwards Coach: Griff
(sensible coach, pragmatic coach - a coach that likes keep the train moving forward rather than getting bogged down in last year's playbooks)

Waterboy: Ian Bru
(well.................. no explanation needed)

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