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Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

alfie wrote:nomenclature

Lovely stuff, alfie. Not a word we see often on here.

Reminds of the time Jeff used 'oeuvre' when describing some j*zz singer.

Although he was being deliberately pompous whereas I suspect yours is accidental pomposity.

F*ck off, Tino, can you not see that I'm already grooming alfie?

PJ, how much is a small capsule of radioactive material going for on the black market these days?

JuliusHMarx wrote:PJ, how much is a small capsule of radioactive material going for on the black market these days?

Good question, Jules. It's going to be interesting to see if anyone finds it. Or maybe someone has simply taken it and hidden it somewhere?

I wonder who'd want to buy it and display the container on their bedside table next to some family photographs?

Turns out Galted, PJ, Tino, rIck, super and LiW were all Annie Wersching.

FRiPst.

I'm the same age as her but I'm still alive so can't actually be her.

Besides, I'd have no time to post on here if I was. I'd never have left my bedroom.

I'm younger than her. And Tina.

Fairly certain you're 45 this year?

LSW.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Fairly certain you're 45 this year?

LSW.

I am - but not yet.

Fist.

Hopefully none of you were Cindy Williams.

It always amazes me how popular rugby, football and cricket are amongst terminally ill American actresses

Sad sicond tird. I quite liked her.

JuliusHMarx wrote:Sad sicond tird. I quite liked her.

Me too.

If only Laverne hadn't been such a bad influence... breaking the rules to make their dreams come true. For me and you...

At least they did it their way.

JuliusHMarx wrote:At least they did it their way.

That was the nod to Sinatra apparently. I didn't pick that up at the time.
I thought it was just 2 gals having some harmless fun. In their own way... not Frank's.

'sup notches.

Does anyone know what time it's acceptable to start drinking on the 1st of Feb?

Have you not heard of Februadry?

JuliusHMarx wrote:Have you not heard of Februadry?

Followed by Parch.

Fist.

Tiny radioactive capsule found, Jules.

It had slipped down into that space between the front seat and the central console. Apparently they also found some loose coins down there when they completely removed the seat. Also some old green-looking french fries... and a few fast food receipts.

I'm relieved yet somewhat Parched. May have an Aperol spritz on the rocks to celebrate the find.

Galted wrote:Does anyone know what time it's acceptable to start drinking on the 1st of Feb?

12.01 I would have thought ?

Congratulations on your Dry January  - if you did manage it.  I have this morning completed "Dry Tuesday" for the third week in four which isn't a bad run... ("Dry Thursday" turned out a bit less successful as a project and was swiftly abandoned)

Not sure whether I am authorized to effect a  "sicond" as I am unsure whether my membership is still awaiting approval ? And being a reply to a "quote" , does it count ? All these rules...

Also, I've just done some maths for a change. Galted's post was made at 11:21am our time, alfie.

Is that not early hours (00:21am) on the 2nd in Greenwich, thereby making my earlier post "sicond" and yours a (provisional) "tird"?

Pretty sure Tino's given you the full membership status along with guildford.

Ah , thank you for that clarification , PJ. Almost as big a relief as the caesium-137 ten cent piece being captured before it caused any more whale strandings...

(I was thinking of offering my services in the search as I am rather good at locating the keys/cards/glasses that my good wife regularly mislays : how hard could it be to spot a 6mm object in 1400 miles of road? I would probably have charged the WA Government less than they spent on the job)

alfie wrote:Ah , thank you for that clarification , PJ. Almost as big a relief as the caesium-137 ten cent piece being captured before it caused any more whale strandings...

(I was thinking of offering my services in the search as I am rather good at locating the keys/cards/glasses that my good wife regularly mislays : how hard could it be to spot a 6mm object in 1400 miles of road? I would probably have charged the WA Government less than they spent on the job)

ha.. I could imagine them parachuting you into Meekatharra with only your trusty pair of running shoes, a caesium-137 detector app on your phone and a holograph of Cliff Young running a few steps in front wearing a green plastic bag over his body for protection.

No doubt, you'd have easily spotted it on the outskirts of Newman exactly where somebody left it.

I was reading our posts in guildford's "9 out of 10" thread last night. Many great stories. I had a darn good laugh reading some of yours!

You've been groomed by Morning Tea Society members, which certifies your own membership, alfie.

I suspect the radioactive capsule wasn't 'found', but that it was returned by whoever nicked it in the hope of getting rid of a resident population of hornets/spiders/snakes/mynahs.

Galted wrote:You've been groomed by Morning Tea Society members, which certifies your own membership, alfie.

I suspect the radioactive capsule wasn't 'found', but that it was returned by whoever nicked it in the hope of getting rid of a resident population of hornets/spiders/snakes/mynahs.

I'm actually being stalked by a mynah at present. Well, not right now... it's nearly dark. But I bet it's thinking of a better way to annoy me right now.

This particular one has developed an annoying habit of tapping on my window (the same spot every time) as if there's something there worth pecking. So I cleaned all the windows both sides paying close attention to that particular spot. No tiny spiders or anything now. But it's still coming back to it and tapping away. It must be angry at its own reflection? Or possibly there's some glass imperfection invisible to the human eye which attracts it to that spot. Or maybe the UV coating on the glazing is damaged on the inside and giving off some kind of visual (kaleidoscopic) effect which only birds can see?

Then it leaves its calling card. Could be olive green and white... sometimes a bit of purple and black in there on other days. It's disgusting!
So I have to douse the area in a mixture of ammonia, vinegar and bleach then flush it down the slot drain - which is right there. If I leave it too long on a hot day (more than 3-4 hours) the muck gets baked onto the paving surface and I have to use the scraper.

Not the barbeque one, Supes... the old rusty one.

I then have to use several mop buckets of clean pool water to make sure it all goes down the drainage system properly. It's so bloody annoying having to do this cleaning 'ritual' every 2nd day or so. It's driving me mad.

Then I was coming up the driveway before and waiting for the gate to finish opening and I see the baastard on the wall about 3 feet away from my face... giving me the evil stare. Tell you what - it's such an ugly thing. I'm hoping it's very old. A face like a 100-year old Anthony Hopkins or perhaps an even more warped version of Germaine Greer... nasty, cruel, vindictive, argumentative and sinister. I tried to outstare it but it didn't even flinch or fly away; knowing I wasn't likely to get out of the car at that point. Did I mention it is much smarter than I am?

It'll probably commit suicide on a hot day by drowning itself in the pool as a last "F*ck You!" to me... "now fish me out and chuck me in the green organic bin with all the other dead things you collect every day"

They're just showing a giant wasps nest in Melbourne. Indoors in some unoccupied house. Massive! Like a gigantic tuba in size.

Pal Joey wrote:

Galted wrote:You've been groomed by Morning Tea Society members, which certifies your own membership, alfie.

I suspect the radioactive capsule wasn't 'found', but that it was returned by whoever nicked it in the hope of getting rid of a resident population of hornets/spiders/snakes/mynahs.

I'm actually being stalked by a mynah at present. Well, not right now... it's nearly dark. But I bet it's thinking of a better way to annoy me right now.

This particular one has developed an annoying habit of tapping on my window (the same spot every time) as if there's something there worth pecking. So I cleaned all the windows both sides paying close attention to that particular spot. No tiny spiders or anything now. But it's still coming back to it and tapping away. It must be angry at its own reflection? Or possibly there's some glass imperfection invisible to the human eye which attracts it to that spot. Or maybe the UV coating on the glazing is damaged on the inside and giving off some kind of visual (kaleidoscopic) effect which only birds can see?

Then it leaves its calling card. Could be olive green and white... sometimes a bit of purple and black in there on other days. It's disgusting!
So I have to douse the area in a mixture of ammonia, vinegar and bleach then flush it down the slot drain - which is right there. If I leave it too long on a hot day (more than 3-4 hours) the muck gets baked onto the paving surface and I have to use the scraper.

Not the barbeque one, Supes... the old rusty one.

I then have to use several mop buckets of clean pool water to make sure it all goes down the drainage system properly. It's so bloody annoying having to do this cleaning 'ritual' every 2nd day or so. It's driving me mad.

Then I was coming up the driveway before and waiting for the gate to finish opening and I see the baastard on the wall about 3 feet away from my face... giving me the evil stare. Tell you what - it's such an ugly thing. I'm hoping it's very old. A face like a 100-year old Anthony Hopkins or perhaps an even more warped version of Germaine Greer... nasty, cruel, vindictive, argumentative and sinister. I tried to outstare it but it didn't even flinch or fly away; knowing I wasn't likely to get out of the car at that point. Did I mention it is much smarter than I am?

It'll probably commit suicide on a hot day by drowning itself in the pool as a last "F*ck You!" to me... "now fish me out and chuck me in the green organic bin with all the other dead things you collect every day"

They're just showing a giant wasps nest in Melbourne. Indoors in some unoccupied house. Massive! Like a gigantic tuba in size.

L*l out loud. The BBC should get rid of that lisping c*nt and get PJ to do Springwatch.

Galted wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

Galted wrote:You've been groomed by Morning Tea Society members, which certifies your own membership, alfie.

I suspect the radioactive capsule wasn't 'found', but that it was returned by whoever nicked it in the hope of getting rid of a resident population of hornets/spiders/snakes/mynahs.

I'm actually being stalked by a mynah at present. Well, not right now... it's nearly dark. But I bet it's thinking of a better way to annoy me right now.

This particular one has developed an annoying habit of tapping on my window (the same spot every time) as if there's something there worth pecking. So I cleaned all the windows both sides paying close attention to that particular spot. No tiny spiders or anything now. But it's still coming back to it and tapping away. It must be angry at its own reflection? Or possibly there's some glass imperfection invisible to the human eye which attracts it to that spot. Or maybe the UV coating on the glazing is damaged on the inside and giving off some kind of visual (kaleidoscopic) effect which only birds can see?

Then it leaves its calling card. Could be olive green and white... sometimes a bit of purple and black in there on other days. It's disgusting!
So I have to douse the area in a mixture of ammonia, vinegar and bleach then flush it down the slot drain - which is right there. If I leave it too long on a hot day (more than 3-4 hours) the muck gets baked onto the paving surface and I have to use the scraper.

Not the barbeque one, Supes... the old rusty one.

I then have to use several mop buckets of clean pool water to make sure it all goes down the drainage system properly. It's so bloody annoying having to do this cleaning 'ritual' every 2nd day or so. It's driving me mad.

Then I was coming up the driveway before and waiting for the gate to finish opening and I see the baastard on the wall about 3 feet away from my face... giving me the evil stare. Tell you what - it's such an ugly thing. I'm hoping it's very old. A face like a 100-year old Anthony Hopkins or perhaps an even more warped version of Germaine Greer... nasty, cruel, vindictive, argumentative and sinister. I tried to outstare it but it didn't even flinch or fly away; knowing I wasn't likely to get out of the car at that point. Did I mention it is much smarter than I am?

It'll probably commit suicide on a hot day by drowning itself in the pool as a last "F*ck You!" to me... "now fish me out and chuck me in the green organic bin with all the other dead things you collect every day"

They're just showing a giant wasps nest in Melbourne. Indoors in some unoccupied house. Massive! Like a gigantic tuba in size.

L*l out loud. The BBC should get rid of that lisping c*nt and get PJ to do Springwatch.

PJ's post wont be beat this year.  Something for all the normal posters and a bonus wasp reference for Tina.

Must confess I had never previously thought of the Mynah as the Apex Predator of South-Eastern Australia but that tale has opened my eyes ! Will be watching the local ones much more carefully from now on in case any of them develop the superior skills of your one , PJ.

And will encourage my cat to redouble his efforts to sort out the nearby population (he is unfortunately more of a possum specialist , but not averse to delivering the odd feathered
carcase to the kitchen floor).

Failing that will see if any caesium-137 is available on e-bay.

No sign of it yet today, alfie. It's hot here... the car thermometer says 38 degrees. It's probably on a tree next door watching me from the shade.

I think this one is part of some ancient clan of mynahs that have inhabited the area for a while. There used to be at least half a dozen of them. One of the older ones (probably the stalker's partner) was found dead in the pool last year. I think that was suicide or maybe it just fainted at its reflection when it went for a sip. I have to keep topping up the pool with water (every 4-5 days or so) and I guess when it's low they might struggle to reach the water. Perhaps that one just lost its footing, fell in, panicked then drowned. I'd also found another similar floating mynah corpse the year before. Hopefully others have died elsewhere and now there are only 2 or 3 left?

There are a couple of cats I see prowling around here at night but unless it was an early morning job from a cat, I can see no plausible explanation for my grisly finding. There was no blood or feathers nearby and why would a cat toss its victim in the pool? That would be even more of a mystery to solve. As you say, they usually leave the carcass in an obvious place where you can't miss it - like on the doorstep, in the middle of a room or under the dining room table... so you don't have far to put it on your plates. Cats are really quite considerate animals.

Did you see the huge wasps' nest they found in Melbourne? It was almost too scary to look at. They were the European variety of wasp with the telltale fine 'white clay' construction from a corner of a room downwards and outwards. It was an insect version of Antoni Gaudi's Sagrada Familia church in Barcelona. Cascading natural forms like miniature (upside down) spires... even dozens of little windows for easy entry and a swift exit no doubt. They had it made until now.

Just watched the Giant Wasp Nest video : yeah that is big. Relieved to hear the house had been unoccupied for years - I take it this was not because the occupants had been eaten for building materials ?
Have to agree the architecture was impressive : seemed almost a pity to demolish it. But I guess it isn't the sort of construction you can just detach from the wall and re-install in a museum...

Tird (but a non-antipodean fist).

Who the hell imported European wasps into Australia and how and why did they do it?

superflyweight wrote:Tird (but a non-antipodean fist).  

Who the hell imported European wasps into Australia and how and why did they do it?  

If they were not there originally it would probably have been in raw materials sent out there.

Which reminds me. I seem to remember a story that earthworms are not native to the USA, but were brought over in soil samples.

superflyweight wrote:Tird (but a non-antipodean fist).

Who the hell imported European wasps into Australia and how and why did they do it?

Indeed. Maybe they thought there wasn't enough wildlife that can hurt you in Australia?

Reminds me of the story of Tibbles the cat killing off an entire bird species on some island as they had no natural predators and thus no defence.  I reckon my cat could kill off an entire population of humans.

Galted wrote:Reminds me of the story of Tibbles the cat killing off an entire bird species on some island as they had no natural predators and thus no defence.  I reckon my cat could kill off an entire population of humans.

I reckon your cat is a p*ssy.

Cat

Octopussy

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:Tird (but a non-antipodean fist).  

Who the hell imported European wasps into Australia and how and why did they do it?  

Indeed. Maybe they thought there wasn't enough wildlife that can hurt you in Australia?

Just chased a huntsman outside using the end of a broom handle. I saw something move near the top of the AC unit. It was pretty hot today so I still had the cool air on at 11:30pm. I think it likes the cool air too. So I switched it off then gently coaxed it off the top of the unit and around the corner to the side door... whilst opening the door with outstretched arm. Thought for a moment it might drop on me but luckily it didn't.

It tried to side-step the broom handle a bit but then it abseiled down to the floor and dashed out the door opening in a very sprightly fashion. Had a quick look outside but it was nowhere to be seen. Probably camouflaged itself on the outside wall just around from the door.

I gave the door threshold and surrounds a good spray on the inside... I don't want to kill it. Just deter it from coming inside again. It'll probably fall victim to the spider-killing wasp I saw outside near the barbeque the other day. I'd give it 2-3 days at best to evade the wasp.

Pal Joey wrote:It'll probably fall victim to the spider-killing wasp I saw outside near the barbeque the other day. I'd give it 2-3 days at best to evade the wasp.

Keep going, Pee Jay. I'm nearly done.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:It'll probably fall victim to the spider-killing wasp I saw outside near the barbeque the other day. I'd give it 2-3 days at best to evade the wasp.

Keep going, Pee Jay. I'm nearly done.

Jeez man, I've been on high alert these last few days. Typical hot and humid weather. Perfect time for spiders to go on the move. You'd love it here!

I've got a door snake (sand filled one) across the gap at the bottom as well as a rubber weather strip... but there's a tiny gap near the hinge. Obviously the spider can feel the cool air leaking out from there and makes a beeline for that.

Pal Joey wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:Tird (but a non-antipodean fist).  

Who the hell imported European wasps into Australia and how and why did they do it?  

Indeed. Maybe they thought there wasn't enough wildlife that can hurt you in Australia?

Just chased a huntsman outside using the end of a broom handle.

You're lucky he didn't shoot you with a thirty-aught-six.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:Tird (but a non-antipodean fist).  

Who the hell imported European wasps into Australia and how and why did they do it?  

Indeed. Maybe they thought there wasn't enough wildlife that can hurt you in Australia?

Just chased a huntsman outside using the end of a broom handle.

You're lucky he didn't shoot you with a thirty-aught-six.

I had a vision of PJ dueling a man dressed in a red coat wielding a riding crop

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:Tird (but a non-antipodean fist).  

Who the hell imported European wasps into Australia and how and why did they do it?  

Indeed. Maybe they thought there wasn't enough wildlife that can hurt you in Australia?

Just chased a huntsman outside using the end of a broom handle.

You're lucky he didn't shoot you with a thirty-aught-six.

It'd have next to no chance against the quickfire kid. Those cartridges are simply of no use without a firearm.

Pal Joey wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:It'll probably fall victim to the spider-killing wasp I saw outside near the barbeque the other day. I'd give it 2-3 days at best to evade the wasp.

Keep going, Pee Jay. I'm nearly done.

Jeez man, I've been on high alert these last few days. Typical hot and humid weather. Perfect time for spiders to go on the move. You'd love it here!

I've got a door snake (sand filled one) across the gap at the bottom as well as a rubber weather strip... but there's a tiny gap near the hinge. Obviously the spider can feel the cool air leaking out from there and makes a beeline for that.

Glad you clarified, otherwise I would have been concerned that you poor b*stards have to deal with a snake that specifically hangs about doors waiting to bite you.

man sausage
tits
fanny
Meat trombone soloist
Kumquat
bumming
Frak
bacon flaps
Love sacks
jizzsplash

Knobhead

JuliusHMarx wrote:Knobhead

Reported to Elon, won't be seeing posts like that again when he's bought out 606v2.

Fist.

Sicond.  If knobhead is knobhead should that also be reflected in his badge?

Happy to see nobody is engaging in a last minute michaelsing effort for the weekend this week

lostinwales wrote:Happy to see nobody is engaging in a last minute michaelsing effort for the weekend this week

That's beneath us.

Not me.