Random Thoughts.....

Howdy all. Hope everyone’s doing well. Just back from a week long camping trip, won’t be doing that again in a hurry!

Anyhoo:

Now that he’s COO Triple H needs a new Titantron video. All these images of him as a wrestler just don’t work anymore, he needs to be shown doing office stuff. First up, Triple H sitting at his desk writing something before turning to the camera with a menacing look on his face and letting out an “ARGH!” Next, the Game-uhh stapling some official looking documents, before turning to the camera with a menacing look on his face and letting out an “ARGH!” Then, the Cerebral Ass-Ass-In talking to a random office person at the water cooler, before turning to the camera with a menacing look on his face and letting out an “ARGH!” And so on. If they do this it’ll take WWE to new heights.

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It’s good to see that the fines in WWE have been increased to make them sound more impressive. Remember when Steve Austin was once fined $5000? Yeah I’m sure he felt the pinch for YEARS after that one. Speaking of the fines that Triple H has been dishing out, what do you reckon he’ll be spending the money on? My guess is copious amounts of bottled water, a sledgehammer made of solid gold, bionic quads for himself, Kevin Nash and Vince McMahon, an electronic stapler, new boobs for Steph and a year’s supply of HobNobs.

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For me, John Laurinaitis just hasn’t done anything to distinguish himself from the numerous other Executive Vice-Presidents of Talent Relations we’ve had over the years. He needs a catchphrase. My suggestion: “OOOOHHHHH! WHATTA TEXT!” every time he’s finished sending out a text. When Johnny Ace is texting, you know it’s ON!

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Dolph Ziggler sure did a lot of talking for a guy with a fractured jaw; you wouldn’t have known he was ‘injured’ if he hadn’t mentioned it. What happened to taping up injuries? It’s a wrestling tradition FFS! Ziggler should have come out on RAW with his jaw taped up. Or better yet, a jaw brace.

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On a related note, how much more of an impact would Mason Ryan’s face turn have had if he’d ripped off Ziggler’s jaw brace and smashed him in the face with it? It would have made Ryan the biggest legendstar in the history of the business. As it is, I don’t give a toss about Mason Ryan turning face. Unless they change his theme to ‘Your Mother’s Got A P*nis’ by Goldie Lookin’ Chain. Tidy.

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Sheamus is lacking a certain something that will push him over the top as a babyface. What he needs is his own Miss Elizabeth. And when he’s talking to her he should always refer to her as ‘fella’. It’d make him bigger than Hogan.

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Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix will clash AGAIN at Hell in a Cell. Are they having a 7 match series or something? If so I’m going for a Kelly Kelly 7-0 whitewash. She is after all the Toughest SOB in the WWE. Through hellfire and brimstone, here comes Kelly Kelly!

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Latest idea to improve the Diva’s division – scatter the ring with land mines prior to them wrestling. It adds an element of danger that you just don’t get from regular Diva matches.

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Anyone else think that having two Sin Caras is a bit passé? I mean over the years we’ve had two Doinks, two Undertakers, two Kanes and now this. We need more Sin Caras. I’m thinking maybe 18 of them. Then when they inevitably band together, it’ll be like the old days of the nWo, with one of the Sin Caras cutting a promo and the other 17 hanging around in the background trying to look cool or remotely relevant.

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The Muppets are coming to RAW! And they’re bringing a can of whoop ass with them! Probably. I can’t wait for the Vickie Guerrero/Miss Piggy confrontation. And to see Triple H hit Kermit the Frog with the Pedigree. But it does give WWE a golden opportunity to launch their latest bit of merchandise; Tickle Me John Cena.

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Bobby Roode is the number 1 contender to the TNA World heavyweight title and he STILL has a tag team partner? What the fudge?! Why hasn’t he thrown James Storm through a barber shop window yet? Even better, have Beer Money get into a brawl outside Dixie Carter’s house, with Roode throwing Storm through Dixie’s living room window. She could be sitting on the sofa in her pyjamas, watching RAW and scoffing Twiglets, completely oblivious to it all. If they did that it would add at least TWENTY buys to the Bound for Glory buy rate. No-brainer really.

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WWE are going to take a leaf out of TNA’s book by having a tag team wrestler main event their biggest pay per view of the year. You heard it here first; The Rock is out, Jimmy Uso is in and he’ll face John Cena for the WWE championship at Wrestlemania 28! Or it might be Jey Uso. Scratch that, it’ll probably be the third Uso brother: Tamina.

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My favourite moment from the latest Impact was AJ Styles throwing up into a bin after Christopher Daniels had kicked him in the nuts. It made him look badass. I only wish Kazarian had been stood over him at the time, holding back AJ’s hair telling him to get it all out and that everything would be okay.

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I’m not a fan of the repentant Jeff Hardy. Him going around backstage apologising to everyone is lame. TNA should let him embrace his personal demons and film him in whatever condition he gets into. It would have been awesome if he’d thought Matt Morgan’s hair was on fire during their backstage bit. And when he found Kurt Angle, Jeff could have started snogging the TNA World title then played Kurt’s head like a bongo. The ratings would shoot through the roof.

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I’m sick of the audio clips of Mike Tenay they play on Impact after a backstage vignette. It’s blatantly obvious he’s reading from a script. I mean Hulk Hogan tells Eric Bischoff that he has a HUGE announcement that will SHOCK THE WORLD and change the face of professional wrestling FOREVER and when they cut back to the Tenay voice-over he conveys about as much emotion as Steve Blackman reading off the back of a Cornflakes box.

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Tenay needs to study some clips of Jim Ross. I know he could overdo the hyperbole at times, but Ross could sell ANYTHING as being the most significant event in the history of ever. Hell, Shawn Michaels could have trotted out on RAW and taken a dump in the middle of the ring and JR would have been like: “GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! LOOK AT THE TURD! LOOK AT THE TURD! SHAWN MICHAELS HAS SQUATTED HERE ON RAW AND UNLEASHED AN ENORMOUS TURD! THAT THING MUST BE 5 FEET LONG! RAW IS FAECES! JUST IMAGINE WHAT HBK WILL DO THIS SUNDAY! SUNDAY AT THE PAY PER VIEW! DON’T YOU DARE MISS IT! BUY THE DAMN PAY PER VIEW! BAH GAWD LOOK AT THE TURD!” If Mike Tenay wants to improve as an announcer, he needs to imagine Shawn Michaels taking a dump.

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Miss Tessmacher. Christ she’s hot. I mean she can’t cut a promo to save her life and she sounds brainless but with looks like that who cares? She could sound like Isaac frickin’ Hayes and it wouldn’t matter. Actually, if all her promos consisted of was her saying “Hello children” to everyone in a deep voice she’d be main-eventing Bound for Glory and Wrestlemania. In the same year. You know this to be true.

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According to Michael Cole, Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler suffered anal bleeding at the hands of Mark Henry. No punch-line is necessary.

theundisputedY2D2 wrote:Anyone else think that having two Sin Caras is a bit passé? I mean over the years we’ve had two Doinks, two Undertakers, two Kanes and now this. We need more Sin Caras. I’m thinking maybe 18 of them. Then when they inevitably band together, it’ll be like the old days of the nWo, with one of the Sin Caras cutting a promo and the other 17 hanging around in the background trying to look cool or remotely relevant.

what about 5 of them? we already have blue and black, why not add red, yellow and pink and have them call out their fighting machines to morph into one giant mothereffer to destroy raw.. triple h can come out spitting water absolutely everywhere, throw his jacket to the ground and signal for the whole locker room to charge the ring and dispose of the mighty morphin power rangers! of course this b*stard of a machine is too much for human kind until JOHN CENA comes down hits the 5 knuckle shuffle and aa's him into oblivion

hornswoggle can play alpha, while zordon will be played by john laurenaitis

JamesLincs wrote:

theundisputedY2D2 wrote:Anyone else think that having two Sin Caras is a bit passé? I mean over the years we’ve had two Doinks, two Undertakers, two Kanes and now this. We need more Sin Caras. I’m thinking maybe 18 of them. Then when they inevitably band together, it’ll be like the old days of the nWo, with one of the Sin Caras cutting a promo and the other 17 hanging around in the background trying to look cool or remotely relevant.

what about 5 of them? we already have blue and black, why not add red, yellow and pink and have them call out their fighting machines to morph into one giant mothereffer to destroy raw.. triple h can come out spitting water absolutely everywhere, throw his jacket to the ground and signal for the whole locker room to charge the ring and dispose of the mighty morphin power rangers! of course this b*stard of a machine is too much for human kind until JOHN CENA comes down hits the 5 knuckle shuffle and aa's him into oblivion

hornswoggle can play alpha, while zordon will be played by john laurenaitis

You're wrong. THIS would be the moment that Cena would turn heel. He'd set up for the 5 knuckle shuffle then go for Trips instead. He'd then drop his shorts and wizz on the entire front row while doing the "You can't see me" hand wave.

and Y2, I'm disappointed there was no mention of BBQ Sauce in JR's commentating about HBK's dump.

RAW is faeces was a particular highlight!

Tickle me John Cena

"If Mike Tenay wants to improve as an announcer, he needs to imagine Shawn Michaels taking a dump."

Lets be honest, we have all done it at least once in our lives!!!

Are WWE trying to out-do themselves in racist remarks? First he was a human jar of mayonaise, now hes ''The Great White''?

theres nothing even remotely shark-like about him!!!

The only thing that makes these funnier is ready them in the voice of Cave Johnson from Portal 2

Love it Y2, keep it up.

Y2, you are a genius mate. In stitches at the moment

this is gold Y2 , just pure quality

I can actually imagine the Triple H video. Do it kind of like the Terry Tate Reebok ads

Triple H walks in the office and sees a worker putting a can in the bin instead of a recycle bin and then Trips screams and pedigrees him