Random Thoughts.....

The following ‘Random Thoughts’ is brought to you in association with the WWE Network. Coming this Spring........no wait............it’s going to launch in the Autumn now? That’s okay; it’ll be worth the wait. There’s gonna be a programme dedicated to Cruiserweights and everything. Remember the Cruiserweights? Those little people who fly around doing flippys and other cool stuff? Yeah we’ve got them all signed up: Hornswoggle. Max Mini. El Torito. Tarantula. Dink. Mini Booker T. All the greats. Stay tuned, cos the WWE Network will blow your c*ck off.


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Word is that it was Triple H’s decision to have Sheamus – Triple H’s gym buddy - win the Royal Rumble, despite the original plan being for Chris Jericho – a guy Triple H has never rated and has had problems with in the past - to be the victor. Is the Cerebral Ass. Ass. In. up to his old tricks again? Surely not!

To be fair, maybe it was all a bit too obvious that Jericho would win. I mean he practically gave the result away with his ‘End of the world’ spiel on RAW. What Y2J should have done is come back 2 weeks before the Royal Rumble, after a lengthy injury lay-off, to tell us all that in 2 weeks time he was going to be in the Rumble. Then a fortnight later when Jericho was an entrant in the Rumble, we wouldn’t be surprised he was in it because we would have remembered that 2 weeks ago Chris had told us he was going to be in the Rumble in 2 weeks time. Then, and only then, could Chris Jericho win the Royal Rumble, an event that he’d told us 2 weeks prior he was going to enter.

Then it wouldn’t have been so obvious he was going to win.


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Apparently John Cena’s been earmarked for some new entrance music for his match with the Rock at Wrestlemania 28. I was absolutely ecstatic when I heard this news.

Then I read that he was going to be coming out to some rap choon and not the theme from Wallace & Gromit and I stopped caring.


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Triple H explained his reasons for turning down a match with the Undertaker at Wrestlemania 28, namely he feels sorry for Taker after last year. Great way to start building up what will likely be the second biggest match on the Wrestlemania card. He even said that at Wrestlemania 27, for the first time ever, the Undertaker was carried out after being unable to walk under his own steam. Sorry Hunter, but I think Giant Gonzalez beat you to that accolade at Wrestlemania 9.

As for the Undertaker’s part on RAW, as much as I liked his cinema room it just didn’t seem right. What we should have got was Taker wearing a big knitted jumper, sitting in front of a roaring open fire in a rocking chair in a well-lit living room. Michelle McCool could have appeared halfway through and put a blanket over the Phenom’s lap and handed him a mug of cocoa. The icing on the cake would have been if Taker was watching the footage from Wrestlemania 27 on an old black and white TV, which he kept having to smack the top of to get a clearer picture.

That would sell some pay per views.


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Chris Jericho finally uttered more than one sentence, and used his promo time to call all the participants in the RAW Elimination Chamber match ‘Chris Jericho wannabes’. I wish Jeff Jarrett had come out in his spangly light-up jacket and said “Who’s the wannabe Chris? You’re a Jeff Jarrett wannabe! That’s J-E-DOUBLE F-HAHA!-J-A-DOUBLE R-HAHA!-E-DOUBLE T-HAHA!-DOUBLE J, JEFF JARRETT!”

Instead we had CM Punk come out to confront the Ayatollah of Rola Cola. Punk looked all set to unleash a pipebomb, but someone obviously disarmed it before he got the chance – that’s some straight up Jack Bauer sh*t there – and had to settle for showing off his shiny new t-shirt to Jericho.

It all seemed a bit pointless because why would Chris Jericho be jealous of a t-shirt? He doesn’t wear t-shirts, just spangly jackets and copious amounts of baby oil. If Punk wants Y2J to be jealous he needs to invest in a jacket made entirely of fireworks and lather himself in chip fat.


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John Laurinaitis revealed to Triple H that Shawn Michaels will be on RAW next week. You’d think that Shawn would have told Hunter that he was going to be there. Seeing as they’re best friends and all.

What’s that? Shawn’s not Triple H’s best friend? Kevin Nash you say? I see. Pardon? It could be Ric Flair? Ok now I’m confused. How many best friends does the Game-uhh have?

Just got an email through from WWE........... “As many as the storylines require”.

Oh well that clears that up then.


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Kane got a bit too close for comfort to Eve this past week on RAW. We could be heading for another Kane / Lita type storyline so don’t be surprised if Eve ends up ‘pregnant’ after an encounter with the Big Red Machine’s Big Red Monster.

You just know that Snitksy’s out there punting babies in preparation for his big comeback.


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The Miz was on the receiving end of a tongue lashing from Triple H (amongst others) for failing to protect R-Truth when he did a flippy to the outside. Word is that Truth didn’t suffer any serious injuries fortunately.

I feel sorry for the Miz though because no-one gave a toss whenever he dropped John Morrison on his head.


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There was a great story about CM Punk from a recent house show. He tried throwing his t-shirt to a kid in the crowd but some jackass nabbed it and ran off back to his seat. Punk was annoyed so went across the arena to the merchandise stand and got one of his t-shirts before personally delivering it to the kid. Warms the cockles of your heart does that.

If I was that kid I would have told Punk to go back for a John Cena t-shirt instead.


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The Great Khali is back! And he’s an entrant in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber! Contain yourselves people.

I’m glad Khali’s a participant; he’s worked hard over the last year to.......umm scratch that.

But he’s been involved in some great matches in his career.......forget that.

He’s definitely improved as an all rounder, really upping his game to the point where........hmm can’t use that one either.

He’s really big. There you go – there’s your justification for Khali being in the match: HE’S REALLY BIG.


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Drew McIntyre is still employed on Smackdown, despite being fired more times than Marty Jannetty. I’m disappointed that in this whole “You’re fired / you’re not fired” storyline NOT ONCE has McIntyre been reduced to scrubbing floors, emptying bins or manning a merchandise stand.

Until Drew appears on Smackdown wearing overalls and holding a mop then this angle is rendered pointless.


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Reckon that during the Smackdown Elimination Chamber Teddy Long will come out and turn it into a tag match?

I hope to f**k he does.


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Apparently, Natalya’s new gimmick / punishment might be introduced into her matches, so I’m guessing she’ll soon be adding the Stinkface to her repertoire. I suppose it’s not all bad since Stu Hart invented that particular move (oh you didn’t know?). I’m just wondering though if Triple H walked in on her and Steph in the Tombstone position or something, because this whole dealio makes ZERO sense otherwise.

On the plus side, they can now change her surname to Neidfart. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NeidFART! See what I did there?!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.........excuse me a second, my phone’s ringing.....

.....

.....

.....

Yeah so that was Vince McMahon. He wants me to head up creative. Says I’m exactly what they’re looking for. Wants me to start working on a peeing gimmick for Randy Orton.

I shall call him ‘The Apex Pisser’.


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Ron Simmons is the latest inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame. Wonder who will induct him? JBL is the obvious choice. Ahmed Johnson is my pick to do it. And if all else fails I’m sure Michael Hayes would be absolutely ecstatic to induct the first ever African-American World Heavyweight champion.

MTFO if Simmons’ acceptance speech consists of him walking on, saying “DAMN!” then walking straight back off again.


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TNA pulled one of their biggest crowds ever for the (Jefferson) Impact taping at Wembley arena. I’m told there were over SEVENTY-FIVE people on hand at the show. Staggering.

During the show Mike Tenay and Taz(z) kept harping on about a special ‘Star Wars’ edition of (Jefferson) Impact that was coming up. Aside from a lawsuit by George Lucas, I’m wondering what exactly a ‘Star Wars’ episode might mean.

My guess is we’ll see Taz (z) reprise his role as Samoa Joe’s mentor, and Joe will be forced to carry him on his back through a swamp. Bobby Roode will be revealed to be James Storm’s father. They’ll bring in Paul Burchill for some uncomfortable sexual tension with Winter. ODB won’t shave for a week and come out looking like a Wookie. They can play on Christy Hemme’s uncanny resemblance to Jar Jar Binks.

Thinking about it, the whole damn thing might actually work.


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Got to say I feel really sorry for Austin Aries right now, being the X-Division champion when the talent pool in the division is at its lowest. Alex Shelley coming back into the picture is a step in the right direction but is it enough?

It’s even more frustrating when you’ve got guys like AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels and Kazarian sitting around twiddling their thumbs in a storyline no-one gives a rat’s ass about. Surely those 3 could be utilised in the X-Division for the time being?

Well at least Daniels and Kazarian could be. My sources tell me that Styles will become embroiled in a feud when his milkman turns on him next week.

“YOU ASKED FOR SEMI-SKIMMED BUT I GAVE YOU FULL FAT AJ! AND IT WAS OUT OF DATE! YOU NEVER SAW IT COMING! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

This.

Is.

Awesome.


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Garett Bischoff’s trainer was finally revealed to be none other than HULK HOGAN! I was shocked at this revelation I tell you, shocked.

I could have sworn I saw Garett do more than 3 moves in his training montage and not one of them was a big boot or a legdrop. He does look like he’s ready to get bummed by THE YET-AY! though so maybe having Hogan as his trainer isn’t a complete waste of time after all.


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Zach Gowen did an interview where he revealed that ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper initially tried pulling off his real leg in their infamous angle on Smackdown back in 2003. How awesome would that have been if he’d succeeded?

I can just picture Piper swinging a leg around his head, blood and bones and muscles and tendons all on show, thinking to himself: “Damn these things are realistic!” all whilst Jim Ross shouts out “HOW IN GAWD’S NAME DO YOU LEARN TO GET YOUR LEG PULLED OFF BY A PSEUDO-SCOTSMAN!”

WWE missed the boat on that one.


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Awesome as per Y2

This is brilliant.

You're wasted here pal.

Incredible stuff

Great read as usual,always look forward to this.

Genuinely laughed out loud more than a few times reading this.

Every time I see there's a new "Random Thoughts....." I

Reckon that during the Smackdown Elimination Chamber Teddy Long will come out and turn it into a tag match?

I hope to f**k he does.

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Brilliant

Stay tuned, cos the WWE Network will blow your c*ck off.

I wish Jeff Jarrett had come out in his spangly light-up jacket and said “Who’s the wannabe Chris? You’re a Jeff Jarrett wannabe! That’s J-E-DOUBLE F-HAHA!-J-A-DOUBLE R-HAHA!-E-DOUBLE T-HAHA!-DOUBLE J, JEFF JARRETT!”

One Million Billion times better than what transpired

Very funny, had me laughing.

"There was a great story about CM Punk from a recent house show. He tried throwing his t-shirt to a kid in the crowd but some jackass nabbed it and ran off back to his seat. Punk was annoyed so went across the arena to the merchandise stand and got one of his t-shirts before personally delivering it to the kid. Warms the cockles of your heart does that.

If I was that kid I would have told Punk to go back for a John Cena t-shirt instead."



I haven't laughed so much in ages! Brilliant! ED is right, you are wasted here or does being wasted help to write these?