Random Thoughts.....

WARNING: This edition of ‘Random Thoughts’ contains incorrect use of your / you’re and there / they’re / their. And where / were / we’re. Brace yourself Agnes, it’s that time of the week again!


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The Undertaker / Triple H segment from last week’s RAW over ran by 9 minutes. 9 MINUTES! WWE recouped these 9 minutes by lopping off time that had been allocated for John Cena’s entrance to the ring for his promo and their was also time shaved off the Diva’s tag team match featuring Kelly Kelly and Aksana versus the Bellas.

Two things: First, I didn’t realise John Cena’s ring entrance took 8 minutes and 45 seconds. And secondly, with those extra 15 seconds Kelly Kelly and Aksana versus the Bellas could have been a minor classic.


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As for Jumpin’ John, he had a confrontation with his Wrestlemania 28 opponent – The Rock (I only just heard about it too). There was something decidedly fishy about the whole segment, specifically the notes written on the Rock’s arm. I don’t recall him ever doing this before so either he was pressed for time and didn’t get a chance to memorise all the points he wanted to make in his promo or else it’s a work.

Whatever the case, John Cena decided to call him on it, pointing out the fact that the Rock had his ‘lines’ written on his arm. So Cena broke kayfabe by telling everyone that promos are scripted. John Cena, I repeat, JOHN CENA broke the fourth wall.

John Cena is you’re new god my friends.


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The CM Punk / Chris Brown war rumbles on. It’s got me thinking that maybe WWE wheren’t meant to bring back Chris Jericho. Remember when WWE we’re wanting to sign Zack Gowen? Vince McMahon told John Laurinaitis to go out and ‘get that one-legged wrestler’ i.e. Gowen. So Johnny Ace went out and got the one-legged wrestler, only it turned out to be the wrong one-legged wrestler and not Zack Gowen.

Methinks that something similar happened here. Vince calls Johnny:

“Johnny, I’ve got the ideal Wrestlemania opponent for CM Punk! That Chris guy. You know the one. Dances around. Beats up women”.

“Yes Mr. McMahon. I know exactly who you mean”.

“Fantastic. Get on it”.

~Cue Chris Jericho’s return~

“Here he is Mr. McMahon, just as you asked!”

“Jericho? You got me Chris JERICHO? What the hell am I meant to do with HIM?!”

That’s how I think it went down anyway.


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As for Jericho and Punk, they engaged in a cracking promo on RAW and later we saw Y2J20 lock Punk in the ‘proper’ Walls of Jericho - HUZZAH!

However, CM Punk dissed the spangly jacket and therefore must pay. WWE should bring back there ice creams bars and feature every single WWE superstar on one except CM Punk. WHADDAYA THINK OF THAT PHIL?!? IF THAT’S YOU’RE REAL NAME!


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The Miz - currently stuck in the Black Hole of Jobdom, the man who’s to blame for the low Survivor Series buyrate, R-Truth nearly rupturing a disc which fragmented into his spinal column, Shawn Michaels’ squint eye, CM Punk’s horrible looking top rope elbow drop, Karen Jarrett’s voice and Jeff Hardy’s rampant lesbianism – has stated that he will main event Wrestlemania.

Miz, the only way your going to main event Wrestlemania is if your the only survivor of a nuclear war. Actually scratch that, even if that did happen the main event of Wrestlemania 28 would be Cockroach #1 versus Cockroach #2.


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Daniel Bryan Danielson and Shamoose lock horns over the World Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlemania 28.

Many people are predicting that the Great White (Wasn’t that a type of bread? Hold on, I think it was Mighty White) will leave Miami with the title but I can exclusively reveal that current plans call for Danielson to retain after AJ runs in and levels Shamoose with an F5.

Mark it down.


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As things stand, Randy Orton has no Wrestlemania opponent. Despite most of us theorising that he would be thrown into the World Heavyweight Championship match, Teddy Long hasn’t seen fit to include the ‘Apex Predator’ (windows – every time it makes me think of windows) on the card of the biggest pay per view of the year.

Personally I hope he doesn’t have an official opponent at Mania, because what I would love to see is halfway through EVERY match on the card, Orton comes wandering down the ramp, gets in the ring and shrugs his shoulders like “Might as well” and starts wrestling before security quickly drag him away with a confused look on his face.

Orton in every match at Wrestlemania 28 for 30 seconds = LEGEN...........wait for it................ STARS IN THIS BUSINESS EVER! AND YOUR T-SHIRTS ARE TOO TIGHT BILLY!


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Big Show appears to be heading for a match at Wrestlemania 28. I must have missed the bit where Shaquille O’ Neal became white, skinny and known as Cody Rhodes.


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David Otunga made it 2 wins in a row over ‘The Icon’, ‘The Showstopper’, ‘The Main Event’ Ezekiel Jackson on the LIVE edition of Smackdown. Their bout was – as expected – a technical marvel reminiscent of guys like Lou Thesz, Pat O’ Connor, Danny Hodge and Kwee-Wee. All it was missing was Jim Ross on commentary:

“OTUNGA! OTUNGA! OTUNGA! HE’S PINNED JACKSON! MICHAEL JACKSON! JESUS JUICE! MACAULAY CULKIN BAH GAWD! OTUNGA! OTUNGA! OTUNGA! BUSINESS HAS PICKED UP! NOW IT’S SLOWED DOWN AGAIN! THIS DAMN ECONOMY! IT WAS A SET UP ALL ALONG BAH GAWD! OTUNGA! HE’S SIPPING FROM THE COFFEE CUP! COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE KINGSTON! GHANAIAN ME CRAZY! WHAT? BAH GAWD KING THAT AIN’T RIGHT! OTUNGA! OTUNGA! OTUNGA! JENNIFER HUDSON! SHE’S MORE STEAK THAN SIZZLE! WHATEVER IN THE HELL THAT MEANS! OTUNGA! AND SOMEONE SITTING AT HOME SAYS ‘WELL HE KNOWS HOW TO FALL’! GIVE ME A BREAK! HOW DO YOU LEARN TO FALL OFF A HARVARD DEGREE? YOU DON’T! THEY DON’T TEACH THAT AT HARVARD! OTUNGA WINS! OTUNGA WINS! OTUNGA WINS! HE’S GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA! HIS TICKETS CAME TODAY! UP IN THE NOSEBLEED SECTION! OTUNGA! OTUNGA! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY OTUNGA!”

Jim Ross commentating on Otunga / Jackson II would have made it a 6 star classic, instead of the 5 it so clearly was.


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Reports from a house show suggest that Drew Mcintyre’s new gimmick sees him flirting with male members of the audience. So much for the playboy gimmick he was going to get. Some people have suggested that a sexually ambiguous character could be a success, if done subtly. The last (supposedly) ambiguous characters WWE had were Goldust and Rico.

And we all remember how subtle they were.....


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Their’s a bit of controversy swirling around the WWE, after the Wrestling Observer was supposedly sent a text from an anonymous WWE wrestler moaning about the Rock. Speculation was rampant as to who could have sent the text. CM Punk? Randy Orton? Jefferson Impact? I don’t think those guys would hide behind the cloak of anonymity to be honest.

For me they’re are two possibilities:

1) John Laurinaitis – He’s never off the damn phone with his texting. “OOOOHHHH WHATTA TEXT!”

2) The Great Khali – It just seems like the kind of thing he’d do, sitting their sending hateful texts whilst stroking a goat.


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The main event of TNA’s Victory Road pay per view has been set: It pits TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Roode against that young, up and coming hungry tiger known as Sting.

They should make a 'Hair versus Hair' match, with Bobby's frizzy perm up against Sting's soul patch. Then go to a double count-out. It'd be doing them both a favour.


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TNA’s hottest new babyface sensation Brandon Jacobs once again tussled with his arch nemesis Bully Ray. Jacobs’ promo wasn’t too bad considering he’s not a pro and his delivery on the “You’re not coming down here? Then I’m coming to you!” line was perfect.

Pity he then looked like an old dear trying to get out of the ring to chase Bully Ray. Seriously, Linda McMahon when she was doing the whole ‘medicated and in a wheelchair’ gimmick was more fluid getting in and out of the ring than Brandon Jacobs.


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Garett Bischoff and Hulk Hogan had a heart to heart in a backstage segment, where the Hulkster showed concern for ‘The Toughest SOB in TNA’. He was worried that Eric Bischoff would try and screw over his son at every turn. For his part, Garett stood there alternating between smiling, trying (and failing) to look sombre, smiling again, getting distracted by Hogan’s jowls and finally admiring his own sideburns.

What Hogan failed to mention was that HE will screw over Garett if he happens to become too popular or is in danger of overshadowing the tan bed titan (unlikely I know). At the same time, he also failed to mention that he will drop him like a sack of spuds if the fans start hating on Bischoff the Younger.

It’ll happen people, mark my words.

MARK THEM I SAY!


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Crimson and Matt Morgan – the team who where put together so they could be split up again – appear to be heading towards their break up. What a fantastically pointless exercise teaming them up was. Bet you Ed Leslie has been watching this intently over the last couple of weeks, just waiting for his good friend Terry Boulder to call him:

“Beefcake! Brother! We need you for a shot dude! We got a team jack! We need to break them up brother! We need you to put together the Barber Shop jack! Like that time the Legion of Doom broke up on your show dude! When Ax kicked Smash in the face jack! And then Bret Hart threw the Anvil through that window brother! And then Davey Boy tore that picture of him and Dynamite in two dude! AND THEN THE HULKSTER WON THE TITLE IN FRONT OF 573,000 SCREAMIN’ HULKAMANIACS AT WEMBLEY STADIUM BROTHER! Yeah we wanna do it EXACTLY like it was that time jack!”

The question of everybody’s lips though is: Which one of Matt Morgan and Crimson is the Marty Jannetty of the team?

I’m going to say Matt Morgan is.

And so is Crimson.


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Zema Ion picked up a big win on (Jefferson) Impact by defeating Alex Shelley. Ion is the Number 1 contender to the X-Division title (you’d forgotten hadn’t you?!) and will face the ‘Best in the World’ Austin Aries.

My question is: Has Zema Ion ever used his hairspray to ‘blind’ an opponent? He’s been walking around with it for a while now – in some awesome character development he suddenly appeared with it one week – and I can’t recall him winning a match by spraying it in the face of an adversary.

This goes completely against wrestling protocol. If you have a ‘gimmick’ that can be used as a weapon then you use the damn thing as a damn weapon. End of. Zema Ion not blinding his opponents is a slap in the face of all the legends who’ve gone before him.

It would be like Christopher Daniels walking around with a screwdriver and not stabbing anyone.


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Brian Kendrick has left TNA. I said Brian Kendrick. No, Kendrick. You know the guy who had the weirdo hippy type gimmick? That’s Eric Young you’re thinking of. Nope now your thinking of Kazarian. BRIAN KENDRICK. No, Brian Knobbs was one of the Nasty Boys. KENDRICK! Brian Christopher is Jerry Lawler’s son, better known as Grandmaster Sexy. B-R-I-A-N. K-E-N-D-R-I-C-K. He was trained by Shawn Michaels. Dammit, that’s Bryan Danielson you’re thinking of now!

BRIAN KEN...........AWW FORGET IT HE’S GONE FROM TNA IS ALL!


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Trish Stratus and Lita are working on a movie project entitled ‘Doctor Doom Versus The Wrestling Women’.

Trish will obviously be playing the part of one of the Wrestling Women and Lita will also obviously be playing the part of Doctor Doom.


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This is genius,as per usual...am I the only one thinking Y2D2 is actually a professional comedian?if you're not you flaming well should be,but don't you dare stray from wrestling gags...ever.

Very nice Undisputed.

Just to put you straight on one minor point, Ion DID in fact spray Shelley in the face during their match. He stashed the can in his pants / tights / trousers during an out-of-ring excursion, before jumping back in and whipping it out (the can, that is).


I'd been wondering where Kendrick had got to. Good wrestler (if a tad weedy-looking) but not much in the way of personality. In fact I can't ever remember seeing him on the mic, or in an interview.

I now have a mental image of Khali texting with one hand and stroking a goat with the other. It's not pretty!

Just want to thank you Y2, had a crappy day at work and didn't think anything could cheer me up, how wrong I was

Fantastic as usuall

"Big Show appears to be heading for a match at Wrestlemania 28. I must have missed the bit where Shaquille O’ Neal became white, skinny and known as Cody Rhodes."

Not that I'm complaining, as I enjoy reading your article every week, but I think your waisted on here, as you have the talent to be doing these sort of articles for magazines.