Glasgow and Edinburgh: Ongoing Banter Thread V - The Fun Continues

[IanBru]

First topic message reminder :

Banter through the ages:

https://www.606v2.com/t48240-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread
https://www.606v2.com/t51313-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-ii
https://www.606v2.com/t53119-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-iii
https://www.606v2.com/t54519-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-iv

Well friends, the pre-season has come and gone, now things get real.

A. Edinburgh Rugby


1. Pre-Season

Edinburgh 10-11 Leicester Tigers
Edinburgh 21-15 Newcastle Falcons

2. Results
Munster 13-14 Edinburgh
Edinburgh 13-14 Connacht
Ospreys 62-13 Edinburgh
Edinburgh 20-20 Scarlets
Ulster 30-0 Edinburgh
Edinburgh 24-10 Newport Gwent Dragons
Bordeaux-Bègles 13-15 Edinburgh

3. Upcoming Fixtures

Friday 24 Oct 2014 - 19:45 (TBC)
Lyon   (H)   -   European Rugby Challenge Cup

B. Glasgow Warriors


1. Pre-Season Results
Glasgow Warriors 23-24 Harlequins
London Scottish 19-38 Glasgow Warriors

2. Results
Glasgow Warriors 22-20 Leinster
Cardiff Blues 12-33 Glasgow Warriors
Newport Gwent Dragons 13-33 Glasgow Warriors
Glasgow Warriors 39 - 21 Connacht
Benetton Treviso 23-40 Glasgow Warriors
Ulster 29-9 Glasgow Warriors


3. Upcoming Fixtures

Sat 18 Oct 2014 - 15:15 (Live on BT Sport 2)
Bath   (H)   -   European Rugby Champions Cup

Sat 25 Oct 2014 - 18:15 (Live on Sky Sports)
Montpellier Herault   (A)   -   European Rugby Champions Cup

Any and all discussion of things rugby-related is welcome. Restaurant recommendations are openly sought. Introductions to eligible young people would be fantastic. Bullying, jingoism, and wang-measuring is not on.

We need to move forwards not backwards, upwards not forwards, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

[George Carlin]

In terms of other formalities, there is indeed a short ceremony where you present your testicles to Mrs RDW in a small trophy case in order that they are more easily portable by her.

You could of course try and substitute young Bru's family jewels for your own if he's still left them on the table from the previous thread.

[Nematode]

Great stuff RDW

[InjuredYetAgain]

It was encouraging to see Brett Thomson adopt a real Edinburgh rugby ethos when he played for America at the weekend. Get yourself injured nice and early and then sod off to the treatment room for months.
Joking aside, can it get any worse for Edinburgh? Never mind d them having to scour the world for back rowers, they are going to corner the market in physios too

[RDW]

Thanks for the messages folks, although I'm dissapointed at the lack of jokes!

I've recently just found out about these things called 'wedding fayres' and I'm apparently going to one at the weekend. What makes it worse, the bride gets in free! Have I not spent enough money already just getting to this stage??

[EWT Spoons]

Only advice I can offer when getting married, when booking stuff, deny it’s for a wedding , price goes through the roof (as I’m sure you’ll be finding out) when they know it’s a wedding.  I can also only hope for your sake, future Mrs RDW gets bored of the fairs quite quickly otherwise you’re in trouble.  Cake sampling gets boring pretty quickly, and that's really the only decent thing about them.

Oh actually one more bit of advice, try and make sure the service is in a language you understand.  To this day I’m still not totally sure what I agreed to, I couldn’t even say for sure if I am actually married, or just agreed to obey someone and give her stuff.  Which actually is pretty much what marriage is, so I guess by default…

[R!skysports]

‘I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experienced pain and bought jewellery.’

[GLove39]

Thanks for the messages folks, although I'm dissapointed at the lack of jokes!

I've recently just found out about these things called 'wedding fayres' and I'm apparently going to one at the weekend. What makes it worse, the bride gets in free! Have I not spent enough money already just getting to this stage??

Hope it's not on the Saturday!?

And congratulations, loved the proposal pic on twitter!

[George Carlin]

Thanks for the messages folks, although I'm dissapointed at the lack of jokes!

I've recently just found out about these things called 'wedding fayres' and I'm apparently going to one at the weekend. What makes it worse, the bride gets in free! Have I not spent enough money already just getting to this stage??

If it's the one in the ExCel, take energy bars, water and a tent in case you get lost and need to camp there overnight.

Seriously, take an enormous, empty bag with you (this was not a reference to Mrs RDW) - you will be carrying your own bodyweight in glossy brochures at the end. The honeymoon/holidays area is by far the most fun, particularly as the opportunity to say Completely The Wrong Thing is far more limited than elsewhere in the aircraft hanger.

On absolutely no account point out the howlingly obvious truth that there are women wandering around there who do not seem to be engaged and appear to have no imminent prospect of getting married. You will be accused of being "unkind" or "just not getting it".

[RDW]

Nah it's at the corn exchange in Edinburgh.

She's a rugby fan too, so we're going to the Argie game!

[RuggerRadge2611]

Nah it's at the corn exchange in Edinburgh.

She's a rugby fan too, so we're going to the Argie game!

See a wife who is a rugby fan has it's benefits. However going to the Rugby is one of my few oppertunities to get away from the Mrs and get to the boozer with little or no nagging....

[RDW]

She gets on well with the regular crowd we go with (my dad and brother and a couple of family friends) so it works out well. And anyway - she shouts and swears more than I do!

She draws the line at Edinburgh games though - for some reason she doesn't like spending 20 quid to sit in the cold watching Edinburgh lose!

[demosthenes]

She gets on well with the regular crowd we go with (my dad and brother and a couple of family friends) so it works out well. And anyway - she shouts and swears more than I do!

She draws the line at Edinburgh games though - for some reason she doesn't like spending 20 quid to sit in the cold watching Edinburgh lose!

It's a mixed marriage then? She's a Glasgow fan.

[RDW]

She gets on well with the regular crowd we go with (my dad and brother and a couple of family friends) so it works out well. And anyway - she shouts and swears more than I do!

She draws the line at Edinburgh games though - for some reason she doesn't like spending 20 quid to sit in the cold watching Edinburgh lose!

It's a mixed marriage then?  She's a Glasgow fan.

Don't be silly - we're both Edinburgh born and bred, and us such have a deep-rooted mistrust of anything from the great unwashed out west!

[George Carlin]

Just in case anyone missed the second Babas match (Big Al captained again).

Looked like a right laugh:

[funnyExiledScot]

Big congratulations RDW. Having been in a mobile\internet free zone on Skye for a week I missed the news - where was the notice in the newspaper??

Weddings are an eye-wateringly expensive business, and yes, it is essential that everything fits within the colour scheme regardless of cost (and you'll be deeply surprised to learn how many particular shades a colour has, even if not noticeable to the naked eye), so I look forward to hearing updates of ludicrous expenditure in the months to come. I'll take a sense of schadenfreude from your pain!

All worth it for the honeymoon though, if you have any money left!

Oh, and I think a 606v2 table is in order at the wedding. I'm sure your fiancé won't mind cutting out some distant relatives to accommodate us in the seating plan.....better order extra spirits for Schizoid!

[RDW]

Thanks FES. I have noticed your absence, but maybe that's just because the forum has been particularly pleasant and well behaved over the past week!

Went to a wedding fair at the weekend, some of my quotes:

'you need to put covers on chars?? At 6 quid a feckin chair??'

'What the hell do we need an ice sculpture for??'

'250 quid for a cake?? Can we not just get one from Costco for a tenner?'

These didn't go down well.

Also, apparently suggesting they replace the wedding dress fashion show with wedding night lingerie show was 'inappropriate'

[George Carlin]

Big congratulations RDW. Having been in a mobile\internet free zone on Skye for a week I missed the news - where was the notice in the newspaper??

Weddings are an eye-wateringly expensive business, and yes, it is essential that everything fits within the colour scheme regardless of cost (and you'll be deeply surprised to learn how many particular shades a colour has, even if not noticeable to the naked eye), so I look forward to hearing updates of ludicrous expenditure in the months to come. I'll take a sense of schadenfreude from your pain!

All worth it for the honeymoon though, if you have any money left!

Oh, and I think a 606v2 table is in order at the wedding. I'm sure your fiancé won't mind cutting out some distant relatives to accommodate us in the seating plan.....better order extra spirits for Schizoid!

I would travel quite a long way for a free bar at a wedding that doesn't have to be Shari'iah compliant.

[RDW]

Big congratulations RDW. Having been in a mobile\internet free zone on Skye for a week I missed the news - where was the notice in the newspaper??

Weddings are an eye-wateringly expensive business, and yes, it is essential that everything fits within the colour scheme regardless of cost (and you'll be deeply surprised to learn how many particular shades a colour has, even if not noticeable to the naked eye), so I look forward to hearing updates of ludicrous expenditure in the months to come. I'll take a sense of schadenfreude from your pain!

All worth it for the honeymoon though, if you have any money left!

Oh, and I think a 606v2 table is in order at the wedding. I'm sure your fiancé won't mind cutting out some distant relatives to accommodate us in the seating plan.....better order extra spirits for Schizoid!

I would travel quite a long way for a free bar at a wedding that doesn't have to be Shari'iah compliant.

We're from Edinburgh remember - there certainly won't be a free bar!

[tigertattie]

I was at a wedding with a free bar once! Not many can remember what went down that night!

[George Carlin]

There was a free bar at our wedding. Or so people tell me.

[tigertattie]

you mean you didn't notice when paying the tab?

[InjuredYetAgain]

In light of the "Jake Ballsack" mistake on the BBC pages, what rude names can we come up with for past and present players. Nob Wainwright, Scrote Hastings, D1ck de Luca, Andy Nippley if you look to England, Phanny Russell
Gentlemen start your engines (but remember the naughty word filter!)

[InjuredYetAgain]

There must be contenders to play wang-forward?

[InjuredYetAgain]

Or man sausage-forward - OK that failed the filter but you get my drift.
Fartin Leslie?
Jeez. Can ScotRail not find a way of making Glasgow to Edinburgh quicker?

[InjuredYetAgain]

Or the big Fijian at Glasgow, Knackers-awa.

Are we there yet, dad?

[RDW]

Dickinson already had a naughty word in it...

[InjuredYetAgain]

Steven Dong-ald played for New Zealand

[RDW]

Rory Breast...

[George Carlin]

I'm amazed Nick Cum-ins ever makes it through the swear filter.

[InjuredYetAgain]

Edinburgh's persistent naughty boy, W P Bel-end

[RDW]

Greig bonks

[InjuredYetAgain]

Booby (or Boaby, if you prefer) Skinstad was a great player until he got injured (again)

[InjuredYetAgain]

Bent Cairns and Muppet Scott would be a good centre pairing

[RDW]

Sorry injured - couldn't leave that last one on the forum!

[InjuredYetAgain]

..... But it was funny, ref

[Pat_Mustard]

I suck baws (Isaac Boss)

[RDW]

I suck baws (Isaac Boss)

Probably a good thing you added the bit in brackets there...

[Jenifer McLadyboy]

I suck baws (Isaac Boss)

That one only works in a Scots accent.

A few that might have been.

Juan Immof (If only his middle initial was K)

2 Irish slang words for the male appendage are Mickey and Flute.

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that his name was actually Ricky Flutey

Also similarly when I discovered that it was actually Nicky Butt I had to stop callling him Pen1s Ar$e

[George Carlin]

Nicholas Mas-terbate?

[tigertattie]

It's not rugby (so sue me), but go to youtube and type in "Bradley Walsh, Fanny Schmeller"

one of the funniest things on the internet!

[justified sinner]

Back to rugby. Has anyone heard anything about any potential Embra signings? We need one or two players to cover the second and back rows as we can barely get 5 plus 2 bench cover together atm. Bill Lothian, yes I know, was banging on about SH signings, as he does, but surely some short term loan signings from G12, AP, T14 make more sense until some of our guys get back to fitness.

[justified sinner]

And one back on topic .


Scotland could be playing against Brodie Rentalick this weekend.

[George Carlin]

Just noticed that Niko, Big Naka and Jerry are all down to play against Wales at the weekend - the former two to start, the latter on the bench.

[funnyExiledScot]

Mike Phillips will have a game on his hands trying to stop Matawalu! Not sure Phillips has the pace or the sharpness to be honest, and whereas Glasgow have tried to instill some sense into mad Maka, I suspect the Fijian coach will tell him to tap and run at every single opportunity!

[RDW]

Better late than never, Edinburgh have announced that they have signed Grant Shiells!

Wonder if this means Alan Dells injury is serious?

[BigGee]

Better late than never, Edinburgh have announced that they have signed Grant Shiells!

Wonder if this means Alan Dells injury is serious?

They said he was heading for surgery and it looked and sounded like an ACL. I doubt if he will play again this season.

Potentially decent signing for Edinburgh if he can show the form he was thought capable off whilst at Newcastle. Worryingly though he seems to have been fairly anonymous since going to Bath and they seemed to have no qualms about off loading him a few months into a new contract. Hopefully a fresh start will re-vitalise him.

[Geordie]

Wow just see that Grant Shiels has siged for you guys (Edinburgh).

[A Simply Mesmeric Try]

London Scottish: Peter Lydon, Matt Williams, Lee Millar, PJ Gidlow, Miles Mantella, Dan Newton, Matt Heeks, James Hallam, Adam Kwasnicki, Ben Prescott, James Phillips, Gregor Gillanders, Neil Best, James Chisholm, Mark Bright (capt).
Replacements: Mark Lilley, David Cherry, Lovejoy Chawatama, Des Brett, Freddie Clarke, Chris Auld, Charlie Dochery.
Jersey: Grant Pointer, Mark Foster, Drew Locke, Lewis Robling, Jonny Bentley, Jack Burroughs, Joel Dudley, Sam Lockwood, Martin Garcia-Veiga, Danny Herriott, Nick Campbell, Dave Markham, Alex Rae (capt), Ryan Hodson, Nick Haining.
Replacements: Ignacio Lancuba, Gareth Harris, Jon Brennan, Paula Kaho, Michael Noone, Ryan Glynn, Ed Dawson.

When did this happen? Chris Auld getting game time down south? Would've thought he'd be in line for a few appearances for Edinburgh during the AIs.
Nice to see Lee Miller and Nick Campbell starting regularly.

[RDW]

Auld has been there most of the season, and has played for them a few times I think.think.

He played in the A game a few weeks ago and did well by all accounts.

[funnyExiledScot]

Wow just see that Grant Shiels has siged for you guys (Edinburgh).

It is fantastic news. Great signing and one that makes sense for all parties..

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