It's not 'Send', it's the 'Culture Cup', stupid.

First topic message reminder :

A booze-pilfering drunken feral pig has caused chaos by running amok at an Australian campsite and starting a fight with a cow.

The belligerent porker went on a drunken bender after stealing and drinking three six-packs of beer that had been left out by campers at the DeGrey River campsite in Port Hedland, Australia.

In the predictable series of events that followed the animal went on to ransack rubbish bin bags to find some late-night snacks before starting a fight with an innocent eyewitness cow.

Following the boarish rampage the pig decided to swim out into the middle of a river before collapsing drunk under a tree and falling asleep.

One camper named Merida recounted the tale to the ABC network: "It was in the middle of the night and it was these people camping opposite us and they heard this crunching of the can and they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was scrunching away at their cans."

"Then he went and raided their rubbish that they had sort of covered over with a bin as well.

"And then there was some other people camped right on the river and they saw him running around their vehicle being chased by a cow.

"It was going around and around and then it went into the river and swam across to the middle of the river.

"The people that were camped on the river went across and crept up on it and it was hiding and sleeping under a big log right on the edge of the water."

"It was sort of coming from there for a couple of days but we didn't see it this morning or last night."

From Santa Claus to Santa claws .

From Satan to Santa

Rudolph Hess to Rudolph Reindeer

Mistletoe and Wine to Mistletoe and a Sack and a F*cking Claw Hammer.

C*nts.

Presents to Omnipresence.

Bald to Ribald

superflyweight wrote:Isn't denial of climate change a bar to entry of the Culture Cup?

I know we still let sean in but he's essentially our village idiot and he'd die if we exiled him.

I don't believe in climate change as it is explained. For some reason I'd say the seasonal types of weather have shifted. Won't bore you but we seem to getting dry springs and autumns down sarf, wet around mid summer and Christmas.

I'm not Ian McCaskill.

Alas, Poor Ian "Julius" McCaskill, I knew him well

Looks like I'll have to open the thread this morning, luckily I still have my key.

Fist.

Morning Notches.

https://twitter.com/MandrewWilligun/status/808599133221220352

A poignant post on the FT

"So Nicky just went and sent a text about Theresa's trousers, cause she can't afford them and she's just jealous anyway cause the king of Bahrain is like totally ignoring her right now, so she can't come to my house anymore. Nobody even likes her anyway", said a Downing Street spokesman.

Anyone see Anthony Small on the telly last night? What a plank

Michaelsed

The thread gets michaelsed by someone every day, but it does my heart good to see a proper one by sean.

Textbook michaelsing. So pleasing.

It's like when you watch a film, and they say the title of the film in the film itself.

I wish I had a Michaels like bumhole tbh overdid the spicy food last night and it's burning like a gay scotsman in an iraqi desert.

Two cods and three eggs, peppered and salted. 9/10

Chips and gravy, which, quite remarkably, tasted of nothing at all... 1/10

Soon it'll be squid and chips for you rick. Looking forward to it?

Indeed, like a bit of calamari.

I was genuinely amazed that the gravy, that looked rich and unctuous, tasted of nothing.

It takes a special kind of chef to pull that off...

He did it just to spite you. Where is serial when you need him?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-38294358

Heinous scooter crimes are the worst aren't they?

We're not losing the cure for cancer with any of those deaths.  

That's somewhat true superfly but we could lose the guy who accidently runs over David Davis.

'accidently'

I'd quite like to watch a teenager on a moped losing control while being chased by the police. I think I should be quite pleased to see such a thing.

seanmichaels wrote:Michaelsed

It annoys me that I don't even know what this means.

A bit like cryptic private car registration numbers.

Morning all notches, both old, and pending.

rick_dagless wrote:Morning all notches, both old, and pending.

Sconed.

Tattie Scones RRN wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Michaelsed

It annoys me that I don't even know what this means.

A bit like cryptic private car registration numbers.

Daglessed.

B*stards.

Apologies Tattie. To michaels a thread is to appear to have killed it by posting something that remains unanswered for hours, days, weeks etc.

Named after the original, and still the best proponent of it, seanmichaels.

Back in the day, when the thread was in full swing and halting it was about as easy as stopping a river with your arms, michaels had an uncanny ability to michaels it.

What an excellent case of referencing then.

Every day is an education on here.

Tomorrow we can go through the etymology of either notch, fist or LOL out loud...

And eating chips off a lady's back.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon Jeffers, is one well?

He's more of a five than a one Rick, the fat CC abandoning b*stard

I'm well Rick. Extraordinarily busy for some reason, my post brexit boon was quite welcome at the time but is now just wearisome.

Haha. You might as well hire yourself out as agency staff to the home office tubby also this is the best time to ask for a raise. 3.5 million Europeans will need a fats track procedure. Apparently it would take 125 years for the home office to process them through current procedures.

Good afternoon, Jeff. The site of your badge fills me with a great joy. Too bad Tino's clearly dead as we could have annoyed him with talk of how sh*t/brilliant Villa are.

Galted wrote:Good afternoon, Jeff. The site of your badge fills me with a great joy.  Too bad Tino's clearly dead as we could have annoyed him with talk of how sh*t/brilliant Villa are.

C*nt

ShahenshahG wrote:Haha. You might as well hire yourself out as agency staff to the home office tubby also this is the best time to ask for a raise. 3.5 million Europeans will need a fats track procedure. Apparently it would take 125 years for the home office to process them through current procedures.

Ordinarily I'd pick you up on that Shah, but as you are talking about Jeff, it seems quite appropriate.

It was a mistake I noticed but demurred correcting it in favour of body shaming Jeff.

Nice use of 'demurred'.

This is like the old days (so I am sure this will michael thread)

Pork baguette. 6/10

Not on my watch Rick.

Was it pulled pork?

Alas no supes, it was sliced pork.

How is life in The North treating you?