It's not 'Send', it's the 'Culture Cup', stupid.

First topic message reminder :

He is
much vaunted
and so old his b*mhole is haunted
Julius
Julius

Morning Galted and anyone else lurking about. How's the left nipple?

It is so damn quiet on here.
Trump would call us losers no doubt. He hates losers but we aren't captured airman behind enemy lines, are we?
So he can go and plant himself in some dirt for all I care.

Hello LD, thanks for coming to the CC's rescue - from the Boer War to WWII to this, it's good to know we can always rely on the Aussies.

Nipple's good thanks, hope yours are ok.

Soon they will be bared to the spring sunshine... hopefully with a gentle sea breeze tempering any possibility of nipple burn.

Mine haven't had much freedom this summer, apart from when I've bathed. The folder incident was just adding injury to insult.

It could have been a tiny ingrown hair follicle, Galts. The sore left nipple I mean.

I've started doing the airbnb. So far some nice people. French middle aged couple with cute & sexy daughter... a few quiet Chinese with OK English. Some HK folk staying here now but currently out for noodles. Hardly ever see them actually.

Have a NZ tennis coach and 4 kids coming mid September. They will be training at Olympic Park which is close by. A nice little earner as Arthur would say... and all you have to do is wash a few extra sheets & towels and replace the soap every now and then.

They've all given great reviews so I upping the price for spring/summer season.

Nope, it was definitely the folder snapping shut on the unfortunate nipple.

Haved used Airbnb a few times when travelling, generally good experiences. Not sure I could put my own ace up though, I don't even like having people I know round.

Haved = have
Ace = place
The 'ace' typo looks monstrously gay.

I can't let your typo corrections michaelise this.

Ace = Frehley. The Spaceman wasn't he? lol

You're a good person, LD.

Afternoon notches, good job looking after the place gents...

Cheers, Rick. We were worried sick.

Mid-afternoon snack review:

Packet of Rowntree's Randoms and 500ml bottle of Pepsi Max - 7.5/10.

Snack was let down by the Randoms having too many of the jelly sweets and not enough of the other ones that are hard to define but are the same texture as those white and pink mushroom sweets you often see in the Pick n Mix selection at your local cinema. I like to fill my mouth with both types of sweet and let the party explode in my mouth.

The Pepsi Max was faultless (best Pepsi Max I've drunk since Gary Wilmot's wedding) and if judged on its own would score a perfect 10 on 10.

superflyweight wrote:Mid-afternoon snack review:

Packet of Rowntree's Randoms and 500ml bottle of Pepsi Max - 7.5/10.  

Snack was let down by the Randoms having too many of the jelly sweets and not enough of the other ones that are hard to define but are the same texture as those white and pink mushroom sweets you often see in the Pick n Mix selection at your local cinema.  I like to fill my mouth with both types of sweet and let the party explode in my mouth.  

The Pepsi Max was faultless (best Pepsi Max I've drunk since Gary Wilmot's wedding) and if judged on its own would score a perfect 10 on 10.  

Fecking P*ssy

Drink coke or go home

Tuna Mayo baguette, Doughnut and a coke.

The Tuna Mayo was barely adequate, the doughtnut was fecking delicious and the coke was exceptional as ever. But the baguette brings it all down to averageness at a mediocre 6/10

Cherry Pepsi Max.
F*ck coke.

Morning, should be CC facing today.

Uses Muppet
words
and resembles Turds
Rickotine
Rickotine

Gutentag Rick the trick, all good in the hood?

All is indeed good in the hood mate, finally caught up with myself after having a day off, and looking forward to the weekend.

Some great storm action here yesterday and has cleared the air for a nice run in to the horse racing on Saturday.

How are you, my brother from an ethnically different mother?

Good to see that the early morning shift is covered. We got a bit lucky yesterday, can you imagine if Trussman or gwlad had snuck onto here?

Trussy has made it on to here previously...

Morning, Galts.

Pretty good actually now that there is an option for redundancy on the table, so looking for other jobs to tide me over, maybe take a month or two off to hit the gym hard and try to sort out my sleep. Lot of other firms hiring but will try and negotiate a higher rate before accepting. You still settled nicely into this place or are you already itching for another?

Still in the honeymoon period here mate, give it until the end of the year until I start getting bored.

Nice to see your job shizz is finally coming together

Bowl of chocolate Weetabix Minis, with semi-skimmed milk 8/10
Slice of wholemeal toast with Vitalite 6/10, but 9/10 for health
Glass of the Tesco tropical fruit drink 8/10

I didn't realise Vitalite was still a thing.

Have fond memories of their advert in the late '80s / early '90s that had a song that was sung to the tune of the Desmond Dekker classic, The Israelites.

Wake up in the morning wantin' some breakfast
What I'm gonna spread on my toast?
Ohhh, Ohhh, Vitalite

superflyweight wrote:I didn't realise Vitalite was still a thing.  

Have fond memories of their advert in the late '80s / early '90s that had a song that was sung to the tune of the Desmond Dekker classic, The Israelites.

Wake up in the morning wantin' some breakfast
What I'm gonna spread on my toast?
Ohhh, Ohhh, Vitalite

Reminds me of the Gimme Yop advert, racist, exploitative and funny as feck.

Or this one - also based on The Israelites
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KShjB5jyjM

Egg and cucumber sandwich, salt and vinegar McCoy's crisps. 7/10

There is a guy who comes around with his mobile sweet shop, so got a big bag of sweets, 10/10

A stale half of a baguette and some powdered soup. Was devoid of taste but at least it's replaced my hunger with nausea.

rick_dagless wrote:Egg and cucumber sandwich, salt and vinegar McCoy's crisps.  7/10

There is a guy who comes around with his mobile sweet shop, so got a big bag of sweets, 10/10

He's a p*edo you fool!

His story about losing the new family pet did not sound convincing to be honest, so I declined in assisting him.

For a while there I thought dagless had michaelsed the thread for the rest of the day, but then I wrote this.

What an extraordinarily original way of demichaelsing a thread.

Gutentag Notches

Morning.

All good in the wood?

Not bad mate, work is dead today as all the sensible folk took the extra long weekend, so should get some stuff done.

Then a good weekend ahead. You?

Full day till 10 pm so a bit morose - receptionist is away because of bereavement and my boss is away on annual leave - there is a very real possibility that I will be left to hold the fort on my own with a Smartly Dressed Barry to contend with. Typing that out has depressed me more but I'll find out in 10 minutes or so.

Not the original SDB though, at least you would have some entertainment...

Need some luck for the horse racing tomorrow as I never seem to win at York so if you could sacrifice something to your pagan overlord for me that would be great.

Getting a fish tank this weekend as well, which is rock and roll...

You should get yourself a heron as well, Rick. Fish are like any other pet, you can't have them getting complacent - before you know it they won't respect you. It happened with my cat, she now treats me with complete contempt, something which could've been avoided had I bought a boa constrictor to help promote respect while she was a kitten.

Herons are a difficult pet to keep indoors simply to glare at a fish tank. If only there were some other natural predator of fish, that is also a house pet...

But then I would need a boa constrictor also, Jules.

Or a stun gun

I'd love to own a cat-strength Taser. See if she still likes to maintain eye-contact while she scratches the furniture.

Beef Pho, regular Coke - 9/10

What would you use to keep the heron and boa constrictor in check? Galted hasn't though this through at all.

The boa constrictor is fairly easy as I'd just turn down the heating. The heron I admit I don't know, perhaps a daily headlock or karate chop to the cloaca.

superflyweight wrote:What would you use to keep the heron and boa constrictor in check?  Galted hasn't though this through at all.  

A Polar bear - Galted can keep both the boa and the bear in check with punitive use of the air conditioning and Galtova can finally have her ideal beau - a hairy white Russian with the strength of three Zangiefs.

Just googled 'Zangief', that's nearly as bad as mentioning 'client-facing'.

That in no way is comparable to Rick's sissy buzz wording. Zangief is a cultural reference to a game we are all familiar with seeing as we're all in the 30-40 age range apart from Julius who was born sometime in the early victorian era.

If it's not in Age of Empires I refuse to recognise it.

Galted wrote:The boa constrictor is fairly easy as I'd just turn down the heating. The heron I admit I don't know, perhaps a daily headlock or karate chop to the cloaca.

Excellent, and most likely the only, use of 'cloaca'.