Random Factor... Like A Tractor

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Random factor, like a tractor...
by luckless_pedestrian on Sat 28 May 2011, 5:06 pm

Hello. Following its roaring success on the old 606 (winner of six Luckies*) I thought I'd provide a space on 606v2 for you to post any irrelevant little things you fancy sharing.

I'll start: I've always had trouble with the line 'Love grows where my Rosemary goes.' If they'd chosen another name like Anne or Susan there'd be no problem, but rosemary's a herb so it could be 'Love goes where my rosemary grows.'

You must be full of yeast, because you're making my dough rise...

Do you have 20/20 vision? Because you look amazing.

Was your dad a personal trainer, you are well fit.

Was your dad Ted Rogers? Because you smell like a dusty bin.

Hi, I must be a virus, given a chance I'd be all over you like a rash.

Do you have cable? Because I'd love to give it to you.

Do you Like Golden Syrup? Result!

Fancy a game of 'hide the sausage'? I've got a saveloy.

Do you play woodwind instruments? See if you can get a tune out of my pink oboe.

They wouldn't have let that one onto 'Blind Date'

It's a shame really, Cilla's quite the virtuoso.

and now John Leslie joins Cilla on stage for their version of Moon river...

And what's this? Lionel Blair blowing his own trumpet!

I think his is a cornet.

With a Flake in it.

Saucy

Can you unhook this thing already? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.....

A fine pair

A fine pear.

A fine pare

A fine pier.

A fine Peer

A pine fear

A pine fair

A fire pain.

A Fiat full of dollars.

Little Red Courgette

I didn't order Japanese Knot Weed with that ham sandwich!

Ask to speak with their Kelp Manager, Cari.

I can see clearly now, my brain has gone

I was born under a wandering ka

These boots don't help me snorkellling...

One orange sock, and one green sock...

the economy's junk,
and with the crash I was sunk,
out of diesel, I pulled her over.
And then as I jumped out,
I gave her a clout,
that's the end of my Irish Range Rover

She wore a raspberry brulee...

Clio Lane there is a barber showing photographs...

Strawberry blonde forever...

if it hadn't have been for Cockineye Joe...

Lovin the new Iceland ads with Stacey Solomon, I always thought mom's went to Iceland cos they were off their t*ts on coke and couldn't be a£$ed to cook for their kids....

Oi, you leave Kerry Cantona alone, she was a great player in her day!

Oh ah I lost my bra...

Hooray for everything!

And everything in its place!

The rain dripped heavily from the tip of the gun. The pressure slowly increased on the trigger. Mr Screening's eyes were squeezed shut waiting for the iminant pain and darkness. His heart pounded through his chest, head and gritted teeth. He had a sudden urge to beg for forgiveness.

Then he shat himself

With joy.

and it was a big weight off his shoulders...

plus he got some carbon credits for his efforts.

A nice little earner that would be!

1. a tiny fart = $ 0.75
2. a half dozen string of farts = $ 2.00
3. a big bertha followed by a couple of punctuation farts = $ 2.25
4. a slash by the side of the road behind a tree = $ 2.65
5. a slash in a city alley near a big orange skip = $ 2.75
6. a proper slash at home = $ 2.85
7. a quality slash in a posh hotel = $ 2.95
8. dropping yer pants behind a haystack = $ 3.25
9. having to use public toilets, at airports, etc = $ 3.50
10 using facilities at home = $ 4.00
11 at a friend's place = $ 4.50
12 at a posh hotel / tourist resort = $ 5.00

There we go... a real carbon tax marketplace.

Not those, these! Dear oh dear oh dear...

An elongated puppet