The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

Rowley wrote:Why yes, Alistair, upon reflection I do believe i have been somewhat ignorant and uneducated in my stance on JFK and it is possible there was more than one shooter.

Thanks.

A couple of years ago I nearly had 'a thing' with one of the birds at work. I bottled it when things came to a head. She moved on to a new department and found herself a bloke but she is out tonight. I do think she got her positive sliding doors moment though.

Any plans for your 20,000th, Jeff?

I view him through night vision goggles hunched over his dog eared copies of "Reader's Privets" (hedge themed w*nk mag) furiously hammering away at his flaccid excuse for a Hampton, head thrown back in anguish screaming "Why doesn't anyone love me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" before drinking another eighteen cans of shop's own cider and then googling "naked Tina pics" and crying a lot!

Rowley wrote:I thought you already had a fatter and uglier brother Tina.

I do. He is really fat though. TopHat fat.

He tells me he has lost 8lb over the summer but I can't see it.

DAVE667 wrote:I view him through night vision goggles hunched over his dog eared copies of "Reader's Privets" (hedge themed w*nk mag) furiously hammering away at his flaccid excuse for a Hampton, head thrown back in anguish screaming "Why doesn't anyone love me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" before drinking another eighteen cans of shop's own cider and then googling "naked Tina pics" and crying a lot!

Finished that. It is tropical fish tank brochures at the moment.

seanmichaels wrote:A couple of years ago I nearly had 'a thing' with one of the birds at work. I bottled it when things came to a head. She moved on to a new department and found herself a bloke but she is out tonight. I do think she got her positive sliding doors moment though.

Wasn't Gwyneth's positive sliding doors moment when she found her fella in bed with someone else and realized he was a "wan'ka" (as per Gwyn's hilarious effort at an English accent)?

The Loaded Dog wrote:Any plans for your 20,000th, Jeff?

 
Probably not, it all represents a lot of effort to come up with something erudite and amusing. Might just try and act cool and underplay it as if it's no big deal, but really because I have nothing vaguely intelligent in my locker.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:I thought you already had a fatter and uglier brother Tina.

I do.  He is really fat though.  TopHat fat.

He tells me he has lost 8lb over the summer but I can't see it.

I think Tophat may have been on the colin murray talksport show this week. He was going on about how he was 31st but had lost 11st this year. And he's now doing toughmudder and going to the gym in a fat lad t-shirt.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:I thought you already had a fatter and uglier brother Tina.

I do.  He is really fat though.  TopHat fat.

He tells me he has lost 8lb over the summer but I can't see it.

"Like chucking a deckchair off the Titanic"

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:I thought you already had a fatter and uglier brother Tina.

I do.  He is really fat though.  TopHat fat.

He tells me he has lost 8lb over the summer but I can't see it.

That's because he lost it. It's gone.

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:I thought you already had a fatter and uglier brother Tina.

I do.  He is really fat though.  TopHat fat.

He tells me he has lost 8lb over the summer but I can't see it.

I think Tophat may have been on the colin murray talksport show this week. He was going on about how he was 31st but had lost 11st this year. And he's now doing toughmudder and going to the gym in a fat lad t-shirt.

I wish someone would kill Colin Murray...

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:I thought you already had a fatter and uglier brother Tina.

I do.  He is really fat though.  TopHat fat.

He tells me he has lost 8lb over the summer but I can't see it.

I think Tophat may have been on the colin murray talksport show this week. He was going on about how he was 31st but had lost 11st this year. And he's now doing toughmudder and going to the gym in a fat lad t-shirt.

Did the caller sneer at the poor by any chance?

DAVE667 wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:I thought you already had a fatter and uglier brother Tina.

I do.  He is really fat though.  TopHat fat.

He tells me he has lost 8lb over the summer but I can't see it.

"Like chucking a deckchair off the Titanic"

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:I thought you already had a fatter and uglier brother Tina.

I do.  He is really fat though.  TopHat fat.

He tells me he has lost 8lb over the summer but I can't see it.

That's because he lost it. It's gone.

Maybe. He still looks like a massive porker though.

I have thought of a way to mark my 20,000th. Not long to go now.

Rowley wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:Any plans for your 20,000th, Jeff?

 
Probably not, it all represents a lot of effort to come up with something erudite and amusing. Might just try and act cool and underplay it as if it's no big deal, but really because I have nothing vaguely intelligent in my locker.

You could type "c0ck" in big, bold, red letters.

Rowley wrote:I have thought of a way to mark my 20,000th. Not long to go now.

You should just publish the definitive list of top Culture Cup members.

The benchmark list.

I'll do that as well Tina

Rowley wrote:I have thought of a way to mark my 20,000th. Not long to go now.

Red ink someone's comment then give them a stern warning.

Sean, maybe just act relaxed when you're out. Don't get too plastered and use the triangle method*.

Then when you get the positive reaction; act almost indifferently, finish your drink and tell her you're off to the library early in the morning and need to get a good night's sleep. At that point she might ask for your number.

* stare at a point between her chin and both cheeks... i.e. the lips. They can't resist. Do it for a few seconds, look away... then do it again a few times. Then watch her face (sort of) light up a bit. (without the cigarette of course)

Use a poker face with a slight smirk... a bit like John Cassavetes in the Dirty Dozen when they are getting inspected by Lee Marvin at the start of the movie and the sentences are being read out with that drum roll music.

Let us know how it goes.

20,000 posts celebrated through the ancient Japanese art of the Haiku (culture, I’ve sh!t it)
 
Twenty thousand posts
Is a lot of time wasted
But it beats working.
 
Definitive list of CC members
 
1 Galted
2 Tina
3 Jules
4 Superfly
5 Rick
6 Shah
7 SERIALDave
8 Sean
9 TLD
10 Alistair
11 Dolphin
12 Hero
13 Adam
14  Raf

Excellent haiku Jeff. Full of sentiment.

Hip Hip Replacement. Well done Jazzy Jeff

Like this sean...

Rowley wrote:20,000 posts celebrated through the ancient Japanese art of the Haiku (culture, I’ve sh!t it)
 
Twenty thousand posts
Is a lot of time wasted
But it beats working.
 
Definitive list of CC members
 
1 Galted
2 Tina
3 Jules
4 Superfly
5 Rick
6 Shah
7 SERIALDave
8 Sean
9 TLD
10 Alistair
11 Dolphin
12 Hero
13 Adam
14  Raf

Lists that I give two hoots about:

1. Julius
2. Tino
3. Galted
4. Moulin Rouge fan club
5. Tom Pettys

Just outside the top 8 - Rowley (pronounced Rowley, not Rowley like Jeff wants)

Rowley wrote:20,000 posts celebrated through the ancient Japanese art of the Haiku (culture, I’ve sh!t it)
 
Twenty thousand posts
Is a lot of time wasted
But it beats working.
 
Definitive list of CC members
 
1 Galted
2 Tina
3 Jules
4 Superfly
5 Rick
6 Shah
7 SERIALDave
8 Sean
9 TLD
10 Alistair
11 Dolphin
12 Hero
13 Adam
14  Raf

You forgot Cane.....

The Loaded Dog wrote:Like this sean...

That is quite similar to my pooing face.

seanmichaels wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:Like this sean...

That is quite similar to my pooing face.

Surely the crow's feet would be more pronounced in your above-mentioned situation?
Look more closely. The face is quite relaxed actually.

seanmichaels wrote:

Rowley wrote:20,000 posts celebrated through the ancient Japanese art of the Haiku (culture, I’ve sh!t it)
 
Twenty thousand posts
Is a lot of time wasted
But it beats working.
 
Definitive list of CC members
 
1 Galted
2 Tina
3 Jules
4 Superfly
5 Rick
6 Shah
7 SERIALDave
8 Sean
9 TLD
10 Alistair
11 Dolphin
12 Hero
13 Adam
14  Raf

You forgot Cane.....

He slots in a place below you Sean. Like him well enough but he dumped us for three month and the wound is still raw.

At least you remembered me this time, Rowley. (not pronounced Raleigh)

I'm above lists anyway.

Great stuff, Jeff.

Congratulations on the 20k.

Solid performance by you in maintaining your top three status. Jules is the big mover and shaker, still life in the old dog it would appear.

Rowley wrote:Solid performance by you in maintaining your top three status. Jules is the big mover and shaker, still life in the old dog it would appear.

This will hurt Superfly though.

F*ck knuckle was a long time ago Tina. As Janet put it, almost "what has he done for me lately"

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:Solid performance by you in maintaining your top three status. Jules is the big mover and shaker, still life in the old dog it would appear.

This will hurt Superfly though.  

That's why I'd probably use the group percentile method. 80-85%, 85-95%, 95-100%
Everyone scores highly - just a slight distinction between Simply Outstanding, Excellent and Very, very good.

The Loaded Dog wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:Solid performance by you in maintaining your top three status. Jules is the big mover and shaker, still life in the old dog it would appear.

This will hurt Superfly though.  

That's why I'd probably use the group percentile method. 80-85%, 85-95%, 95-100%
Everyone scores highly - just a slight distinction between Simply Outstanding, Excellent and Very, very good.

But that makes the morons and simpletons think they have achieved something.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:Solid performance by you in maintaining your top three status. Jules is the big mover and shaker, still life in the old dog it would appear.

This will hurt Superfly though.  

That's why I'd probably use the group percentile method. 80-85%, 85-95%, 95-100%
Everyone scores highly - just a slight distinction between Simply Outstanding, Excellent and Very, very good.

But that makes the morons and simpletons think they have achieved something.

I know. But can we keep that a secret please?

Rowley wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:Any plans for your 20,000th, Jeff?

 
Probably not, it all represents a lot of effort to come up with something erudite and amusing. Might just try and act cool and underplay it as if it's no big deal, but really because I have nothing vaguely intelligent in my locker.

You could type "c0ck" in big, bold, red letters.

Bugger... missed most of HARDtalk with Twiggy Forrest.

Rowley wrote:20,000 posts celebrated through the ancient Japanese art of the Haiku (culture, I’ve sh!t it)
 
Twenty thousand posts
Is a lot of time wasted
But it beats working.
 
Definitive list of CC members
 
1 Galted
2 Tina
3 Jules
4 Superfly
5 Rick
6 Shah
7 SERIALDave
8 Sean
9 TLD
10 Alistair
11 Dolphin
12 Hero
13 Adam
14  Raf

Excellent post, Jeff. I'd go so far as to say it's the definitive 606v2 post. To not only include a funny haiku, but a list as well, has set the bar impossibly high.

Morning.

Can't say i'm disappointed with 10th, thanks, Rowley.

I'm hanging, it's going to be a long, long day.

Anyone interested in the RWC tipping comp? Probably not but here's a link to it anyway.
https://www.606v2.com/t60485p50-rugby-world-cup-competition-week-1

England should give Fiji a right walloping, surely?

I've drawn New Zealand in the work sweep stake. What a result.

I'm taking Mrs Windows to the final as well. I'm hoping for an England v New Zealand final.

England win, happy days.

New Zealand win, the day out is paid for a few times over.

Not many rugby fans here in my office. One of the birds is pretty 'hench', do you think she would be interested?

Alistair wrote:Not many rugby fans here in my office. One of the birds is pretty 'hench', do you think she would be interested?

You could try crash tackling her in the corridor when she's walking along tossing her salad and see how she reacts.

Alistair wrote:Not many rugby fans here in my office. One of the birds is pretty 'hench', do you think she would be interested?

Using the word hench (whatever that means) before I published my list would have had a serious impact on your placing.

Rowley wrote:

Alistair wrote:Not many rugby fans here in my office. One of the birds is pretty 'hench', do you think she would be interested?

Using the word hench (whatever that means) before I published my list would have had a serious impact on your placing.

I used inverted commas to describe her physique, as 'butch' doesn't do her justice. Any punishment would be unfair.

Alistair wrote:

Rowley wrote:

Alistair wrote:Not many rugby fans here in my office. One of the birds is pretty 'hench', do you think she would be interested?

Using the word hench (whatever that means) before I published my list would have had a serious impact on your placing.

I used inverted commas to describe her physique, as 'butch' doesn't do her justice. Any punishment would be unfair.

Is she single? I'd quite like a 6ft+ broad shouldered lassie with muscular thighs. One to tick off the Amsterdam list.

seanmichaels wrote:

Alistair wrote:

Rowley wrote:

Alistair wrote:Not many rugby fans here in my office. One of the birds is pretty 'hench', do you think she would be interested?

Using the word hench (whatever that means) before I published my list would have had a serious impact on your placing.

I used inverted commas to describe her physique, as 'butch' doesn't do her justice. Any punishment would be unfair.

Is she single? I'd quite like a 6ft+ broad shouldered lassie with muscular thighs. One to tick off the Amsterdam list.

She's about 5ft 6", thighs are normal, but her shoulders are pretty wide, she doesn't have t*ts she has pecs. She'd probably rip your c*ck off, sean and mix it with her whey protein and cauliflower cheese.

Is this what this place has become, trying to set Sean up with women at work who may be desperate or rough enough to oblige?

Rowley wrote:Is this what this place has become, trying to set Sean up with women at work who may be desperate or rough enough to oblige?

Yes, and lists of your favourite posters.

You're in my Top 7.