The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

I hope Jules is quick enough to get the thread split with one of his puns. Would hate it to be something tedious.

I'll bear that in mind as we don't want to be too rigid on the answers mate.

superflyweight wrote:I would also accept masturbation, Rick.  

Do it yourself, don't demand payment from rick for such a small service.

Afternoon, I see it's all trees and w*nking (or Sean's Friday evening).

My daughter's first day at school today, never seen so many MILF's in need of a good "comforting"

Tell me you didn't post the Obligatory first day at school picture on social media...

Nope, my wife did though (as they're obligatory apparently) Was gonna counter it with a photo of me looking miserable and the caption "Yet another f*cking sh!tty day at work" but she vetoed it....spoilsport!

Yeah usually in front of a door or a fireplace for some reason, I think they have gone right through ironic into compulsory now, F**ksticks.

Oranges and lemons smell different due to chemically identical molecules that are mirror images of each other. An orange is really just a left-handed lemon.

None of an octopus’s limbs knows what any of the others are doing.

‘The Just Missed It Club’ was for people who almost sailed on the Titanic. Two weeks after it sank, it had 118,337 members.

A bank note issued in post war Hungary was issued with a number with 19 digits.

Fireflies and glow-worms are neither flies nor worms. They are both beetles.

Female sharks can store sperm for four years before using it to fertilise their eggs.

The world’s first weather map, published in The Times on 1st April 1875, gave the weather for, the previous day.

Marmalade was an aphrodisiac in 17th-century London.

Hamesucken is the crime of assaulting someone in their own home.

Dublin is home to Ireland’s National Leprechaun Museum.

Ribbon worms will eat their own bodies if their food supply runs out. They can eat up to 95% of themselves and still survive.

Every year, Peruvians eat more than 60 million guinea pigs.

The year after the American Civil War ended, a fifth of Mississippi’s state budget was spent on artificial limbs for wounded soldiers.

A typical earthworm has no lungs, teeth or eyes but it has ten hearts, arranged in five pairs.

And finally

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Man cannot make a worm, yet he will make gods by the dozen.”
MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE (1533-92)

“We all live under the same sky, but we do not all have the same horizon.”
KONRAD ADENAUER (1876-1967)

None of an octopus’s limbs knows what any of the others are doing.

Sounds like Georgios Samaras.

rick_dagless wrote:Oranges and lemons smell different due to chemically identical molecules that are mirror images of each other. An orange is really just a left-handed lemon.

I always thought a lemon was a left-handed orange.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:Oranges and lemons smell different due to chemically identical molecules that are mirror images of each other. An orange is really just a left-handed lemon.

I always thought a lemon was a left-handed orange.

So what's a melon

superflyweight wrote:

None of an octopus’s limbs knows what any of the others are doing.

Sounds like Georgios Samaras.  

Or Raheem Sterling or Theo Walcott.

DAVE667 wrote:Afternoon, I see it's all trees and w*nking (or Sean's Friday evening).

My daughter's first day at school today, never seen so many MILF's in need of a good "comforting"

Like a man sausage in a doughnut factory. Film?

Morning Notches.

Shoulders and Chest dead from Bench Press, even though I went fairly light. All good in the hood?

Morning Shah,

All good here thanks mate.

You'll recover quickly from your session... hopefully.

I felt sore last Sunday in the hamstrings after carrying what seemed like countless boxes of tiles up the stairs last Saturday. Actually there were 84... only about 28 had to be carried up the stairs. Would have been easy to fall on my teeth on the top tread but mind over matter got me through.

Morning Shah/TLD

Coming up to a pretty sweet Palindrome TLD...

You feeling better yet Shah?

F*ck me, can't have the CC being Dagless'ed. Need to know if Shah is too sore to lift his own bodyweight...in food up to his f*cking mouth, the fat git!

I'm actually pretty good now, a Pint of gold top milk from the Tesco, a plate of chicken pilau with raita and lamb cutlets, and 8 mini roasts.

8/10

F*ck you Dave, you alopecic a*sehole.

He wants,
us dead,
He eats everything wrapped in naan brad
Fat c*nt Shah
Fat c*nt Shah

He likes
to troll
he's actually Joachim Kroll
Serial Dave
Serial Dave

He'll clear
His plate
He's grossly overweight
Wobbly Shah
Wobbly Shah

His Knees
are beat
from running away from Veet
Knock-Kneed Dave
Knock-Kneed Dave

They
get up late
but do not masturbate
Cuppers
Cuppers

Greetings notches

Morning Shah I would have been on earlier but I travelled to the south today so took longer, glad to see you are feeling better.

And for the record, I did not have time to crank one out from the wrist this morning.

Morning Rick

Feel worse than yesterday but am being somewhat soothed by this lovely lass and her windpipe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoXaJCzkfbk

Probably just age mate, I will be out for a run and the gym tonight I expect so am not looking forward to the results tomorrow...

Glad to see you sticking to the gold top milk...

I don't think it's age just yet, I think its just that I haven't been doing it consistently so my body takes it time jumping into repair mode. will make it routine so I can go more frequently and recover overnight.
The milk is fecking magic Ricko, Several times I've been told variations of - you look bigger but slimmer always followed by the *if that make sense*. I think its the heavy fat and protein content that stop me snacking between my admittedly large meals. So how far down south are you today?

Nature at its finest mate...

I am in Derby today, so in that kind of midlands grey area, like Stoke. Hopefully aiming to get away fairly early as well so let's see how that works out, and proper football back this weekend in which we get to play Derby, so there are bragging rights at stake.

Ah bragging rights, a northerners only defense against depression.

That, and knowing you can have a night out including food and taxi for the same price as a flat sh1t craft ale and hummus covered wheat bread in the south, cheers us up no end.

rick_dagless wrote:That, and knowing you can have a night out including food and taxi for the same price as a flat sh1t craft ale and hummus covered wheat bread in the south, cheers us up no end.

There is that, but only for the posh places Tino frequents.

He brother pays for that does he not, probably can live like a prince in Runcorn now.

My shoulder has been aching all week, but from a much less wholesome activity of going on the waltzers drunk at the local music festival.

Get a massage done mate. Best thing in the world after a harem.

Never had a professional massage to be honest, neither sports, therapy, or dodgy.

May look into it.

Just a note of caution you feel like Poopie the first day then you feel rejuvenated the second day. It get's worse before it gets a lot better so friday is the best day to do it.

Fair enough mate, probably wont bother getting one when I go on holiday then...

They used to head and hand massages at one of my old places of work, and foolishly never took advantage.

You seem all choked up about it.

Gutted mate, proper devoed init.

....what lol?

No idea, heard someone say it once and thought this was an ideal chance to drop into chav vernacular brraaaapp

I can read so I'm posh by Luton standard. I can't say I've ever heard that before! Did you see Mike Ashley taunt all his poor beleaguered workers with a wad of 50 quid notes.

Yes I did, he is a massive bell, end so no surprise there, he probably didn't even think about it.

He probably speaks fluent chav to be honest.

He reminds me of Bob Crowe on the other side of the divide.

I would imagine they would get on famously Shah, though at least Mike Ashely has finally admitted that the empire is way to big for him to manage.

Did he think that looking like queen Victoria would automatically give him her empire ruling skills?

That, and to adopt her workhouse policies on labour.

Haha, more? More? How dare you not be satisfied with the gruel I so kindly provide for you.

Whilst beating them with a big wad of £50's

Where on earth is everyone today?

I was at the gym. Sean is on top of Jim. Super is drinking Jims and Dave is trying and failing to catch Jim because he's a hairless kneeless shirker. So Jim is at fault. Tina has disappeared. Probably see him on crimewatch.

You two are heroic for keeping this going. It's like watching the last two remaining desperate couples shuffling agonisingly slowly across the floor during a depression era dance marathon.

Think you may be right supes, we need V 3.0.