The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

I hope Jules is quick enough to get the thread split with one of his puns. Would hate it to be something tedious.

I would ladyhawke

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X_bFO1SNRZg

Do her

ShahenshahG wrote:Would suggest you wait for the note 7 ricko or go with the HTC. Have had the note 3 for 3 years and the only problems caused by it were the fault of the idiot using it. Plus you might get the gear VR with it free. We had a presentation with the gear VR at work and my god its good. Which network are you with and how much minutes and data do you want?

Think the HTC is looking favourite at the moment, note is just too large for me, HTC has quick charge and I like the sense GUI, reckon I can get all the minutes and data I need for about £35 a month with a free phone on EE

Hero wrote:The S7 Edge is a lovely phone if you have any leanings towards Samsung.

I moved away from Samsung Hero but I am tempted to go back...

Fist notches, I see sean is drunk posting again in the style of Yoda, morning all

Coca-Cola in the Maldives is made from seawater.

Kim Il-Sung’s grandson, Jong-Nam, was sacked as heir after being arrested trying to enter Japan on a false passport to visit Disneyland.

The longest letter ever printed in The Times was 11,071 words long. Today, the whole letters page carries only 2,000 words.

Korea is Finnish for ‘gorgeous’.

After being exposed to mustard gas in WW1 Hitler believed that he was blinded and speechless.

In 2014, the International Space Station had to move 3 times in order to avoid being hit by space junk moving at 17,000 mph.

Although they didn’t meet until they were teenagers, Prince Albert and Queen Victoria were born in the same year and delivered by the same midwife.

Saudi Arabia is considering stopping execution by beheading due to a shortage of official swordsmen.

There are more Catholics in Scotland than in Northern Ireland.

A medium-sized cumulus cloud weighs about the same as 80 elephants.

And finally

People with higher incomes generally prefer their loo paper to unravel over the roll, while those with lower incomes prefer it to go under

“The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.”
LAWRENCE J PETER (1919-90)

“Genius is a horse which bolts away yet wins the race."”
JEAN COCTEAU (1889-1963)

Wasn't drunk. Just catching up.

Fair play, morning mate, how is life treating you these days?

And the record for the earliest michaelsing of the thread goes too.......
rick_dagless!!
(applause, applause)

Thanks Jules.

I would like to thank you all for giving me this opportunity, and I would like to thank God for some reason also.

JuliusHMarx wrote:And the record for the earliest michaelsing of the thread goes too.......
rick_dagless!!
(applause, applause)

What was the other record that was achieved?

Ah... got it. Michael Singing.

Wotcha TLD how is life with you?

rick_dagless wrote:Wotcha TLD how is life with you?

All's well thanks Rick. I just sneezed though.

Nice time of year here. The wildlife is getting noisier it seems.
Getting woken up by raucous sounds of cockatoos in the valley across the road. I think competition for the best trees is getting tougher each year.

The whip bird starts earliest... such a nice sound.
A long continuous whistle reaching a crescendo.... then the "whip" sound at the end. It calls out every 30 seconds for about 2 hours.

The Loaded Dog wrote:It calls out every 30 seconds for about 2 hours.

Very much like Mrs Windows when I see her.

The Loaded Dog wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:Wotcha TLD how is life with you?

All's well thanks Rick. I just sneezed though.

Nice time of year here. The wildlife is getting noisier it seems.
Getting woken up by raucous sounds of cockatoos in the valley across the road. I think competition for the best trees is getting tougher each year.

The whip bird starts earliest... such a nice sound.
A long continuous whistle reaching a crescendo.... then the "whip" sound at the end. It calls out every 30 seconds for about 2 hours.

There are a pair of Tawny Owls behind my place which is always a nice sound, but barring that it is mainly cats fighting each other, and chavs arguing, not quite the same but you do hear some belting domestics from people coming back from the pub sometimes...

Hottest day of the year here today, bet you are well Jel....

JuliusHMarx wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:It calls out every 30 seconds for about 2 hours.

Very much like Mrs Windows when I see her.

"No... turn the key to the left you idiot! The left!... Oh my God... do you have arthritis or something?

"Tino flies in at 4 this afternoon... He leaves Madrid in an hour, ffs!!"

"Aw gawd... he's parked in the loading zone again...."

Today I'm using my Motorola phone as a silhouette mirror to see the extent of hairstyle damage caused by me giving Galtova a go with the clippers.

I nearly punched a lad who was in The Range the other day. He was mincing along the aisle checking his hair in his phone. He was an utter c*nt bubble and I despised him immediately. Such was my annoyance that, as I walked past, I dropped the "c-bomb" on him. No-one goes to The Range to pull and no-one is likely to be headhunted or talent spotted in their either so I fail to see the need to check/adjust one's hairdo especially when chances are that you'll already just come out of the toilets having give it a once over...you f*cking pr!ck

Oh, afternoon all!

*there

Afternoon DAVE/Galts, you both well?

Very well thank you, dagless. How are you doing today? I have to congratulate you on your fine effort in keeping Tino's sh*tty thread alive.

I am not too bad cheers mate, sunny in the north which is a rarity, so I am making the most of it in this windowless hole of an office, whilst hoping some clunge wanders past in attractive summer wear. This has yet to happen.

Well when Tino is away I feel it is my duty, though Shah is the foundation really.

Shah is the foundation due in not small part to his solidity and by that I mean he's a fat c*nt who is impossible to shift. Personally I think Rick does more than Shah to keep the thread alive, Shah just pops in to discuss how much he's eaten in the last hour whilst offering little else of value or even of interest however, Rick's contribution is immeasurable especially when you compare it with Shah (who, as I may have mentioned, seems to have decided his latest career path involves him heading down the road to morbid obesity and an early grave)

Facts of the day

1 in 50 Americans executed for murder had the middle name ‘Wayne’.

Dogs with ADHD make the best sniffer dogs.

Herds of sheep moved at night must have a white light at the front and a red light at the rear.

Word of the day: PANJANDRUM - a pompous, pretentious, self-important official.

During the First World War, German and Russian troops agreed a ceasefire and joined forces to fend off attacks by wolves.

New research shows that, for luxury brands, the ruder the sales staff, the higher the sales.

In the Middle Ages, the word ‘comical’ meant ‘epileptic’.

In Bolivia, llama droppings are used to purify water.

The inventor of ‘best before’ dates, originally for milk, was Al Capone’s brother, Ralph.

The ‘Masters in Lunacy’ were Victorian officials who investigated whether people claiming to be insane were faking it.

And finally

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn now and again.”
WILL SMITH

“Serious people have few ideas. People with ideas are never serious.”
PAUL VALLELY

I fully expect everyone to add PANJANDRUM to their lexicon, if it is not already in regular use.

The German/Russian soldiers v wolves thing needs to be made into a film - except the Germans and Russians should become strippers and the wolves should become werewolves... oh.

It is A modern day classic supes...

Speaking of pandjandrums, where is Adam these days?

No idea - but he's a palindromic pandjandrum.

Is it PANJANDRUM or PANDJANDRUM because Rick's now spelled it both ways and I'm confused...again!

Morning Notches

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see
The missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

Ode to Tiger/Giraffe bread.

FIST.

Dave really has pulled his hair out over my bald jokes.

It was Eid you b*stards. No need for the silent treatment.

They need to be thrown off a tall building.

Can't, Rick is my only company in the lonely hours of the morning and Dave provides much needed comic relief by looking like Dr Robotnik. Morning Agent Galtova, how goes the good bumming?

It goes well, Shah, my rectum is suitably chafed. How is you planning for today's lunch going?

PS - you could throw them off a short building if you don't want to kill them.

Some Salt and Pepper Tiger bread and some well mixed Tuna, mayo & sweetcorn with a pint of gold top milk, from The Tesco for Lunch and the same bread with Leftover chicken, mint sauce and mayo for the evening meal with Del Monte's Ruby fruits. Can't wait. Throwing them from a short building would be no fun, its like roughly throwing your wife on the bed and then asking her permission before banging her brains out. A serious disappointment I assure you.

Woooo

You could blindfold them and tell them it's a tall building.

I'm having leftover pizza for lunch. I simply can't wait.

Don't be silly. They're northerners they're used to seeing in the dark because of their infamous lanterns.

That might be so but, being northerners, they will not be used to buildings that have multiple storeys and don't have thatched roofs.

But think of all those stairs. And by god I don't want to be stuck in a lift with two northerners and 4 whippets. They mistake it for an alien abduction and start sacrificing their whippets to the great god of all northerners - Ray Shillingworth for deliverance but not before enquiring if they can save a few bob by collecting.

Afternoon nobbers (Shah),

Had to take my neighbour's underwear round to her house this morning. She left it all pegged out yesterday but hadn't returned before the Heaven's opened and the high winds blew them over the fence. Found them strewn across the back garden and took great delight in handing them over whilst saying loudly, "These were left at mine yesterday." She's as fit as f*ck and the look on her face was worth the aggro my wife gave me when I got back in ("Why didn't you just say 'sorry, these appear to be yours'" Where's the fun in that?)

HA! Probably delayed your yearly sex by 6 months Dave but see if you can extract many from the neighbour in return.

Did you keep any of them?

You're being very silly today Galtova. Of course he didn't, after he'd moved all the hairs off of them onto his lint roller what need was there to keep them?!

Galted wrote:Did you keep any of them?

No, wife watched me like a f*cking hawk!

Years ago an ex was underwear shopping and I spent an amusing 30 mins looking at women picking up items of lingerie then look up to see me and they'd look at me as if to see "You're imagining me wearing this now aren't you?" and I'd look back with a look that said "Oh yes!" Virtually all of them left very quickly.

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:Did you keep any of them?

No, wife watched me like a f*cking hawk!

Years ago an ex was underwear shopping and I spent an amusing 30 mins looking at women picking up items of lingerie then look up to see me and they'd look at me as if to see "You're imagining me wearing this now aren't you?" and I'd look back with a look that said "Oh yes!" Virtually all of them left very quickly.

Do you know if the neighbour has a shaved fanny?

ShahenshahG wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:Did you keep any of them?

No, wife watched me like a f*cking hawk!

Years ago an ex was underwear shopping and I spent an amusing 30 mins looking at women picking up items of lingerie then look up to see me and they'd look at me as if to see "You're imagining me wearing this now aren't you?" and I'd look back with a look that said "Oh yes!" Virtually all of them left very quickly.

Do you know if the neighbour has a shaved fanny?

No, but if I was a betting man I'd say that she most definitely has.

He was a very special warm and gentle person
Who put in music in the world and spoken in rhyme
And it hurts me that I never really knew him
¡®Cause all it would have taken was some time

You know he always seemed to be there when I stumbled
And when mountains got to steep for me to climb
And it tears me up to think I never touched him
¡®Cause all it would have taken was some time

Ain't that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin' way too fast or much too slow
Gettin' up, gettin' high, gettin' down
Gettin' no, no, nowhere
But not gettin' into someone I should know

Now he's in another place and I can't reach him
And I feel as though I'm guilty of a crime
I took all he had to give and gave him nothin'
And all it would have taken was some time

Ain't that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin' way too fast or much too slow
Gettin' up, gettin' high, gettin' down
Gettin' no, no, nowhere
But not gettin' into someone I should know

Ain't that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin' way too fast or much too slow
Gettin' up, gettin' high, gettin' down
Gettin' no, no, nowhere
But not gettin' into someone I should know

Gettin' up, gettin' high, gettin' down
Gettin' no, no, nowhere
Gettin' up, gettin' high, gettin' down
Gettin' no, no, nowhere
Gettin' up, gettin' high, gettin' down
Gettin' no, no, nowhere
Gettin' up, gettin' high, gettin' down
Gettin' no, no, nowhere

Ain't that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin' way too fast or much too slow
Gettin' up, gettin' high, gettin' down
Gettin' no, no, nowhere
But not gettin' into someone I should know

Ain't that just the way that life goes
Down, down, down, down
Movin' way too fast or much too slow

Ode to Rick

We shall miss him

FIST Notches.

Shah breaks rick's record for the earliest michaelsing. I reckon 6.34 am will stand for a long time.

Where's rick gone?