Music Section Morning Tea Society

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Fist.

Well done, Rick. Bit of an indifferent week for you, fist-wise, but good to see you getting it together at the end of the week when it really matters.

Cheers, Galts, people keep dragging me into early meetings, c**ts.

In exciting news, I have just picked up my new phone and I am being allowed a pool table in the house by Mrs D, quite the week in the Dagless household as normally i am only allowed curtains and fans and stuff.

That is exciting. Galtova's considering letting me get gloves with which to do the housework as the skin on my hands has been eaten away by bleach and drain unblocker.

I find constant moaning gets the job done, Galts.

Nice to see the sun make an appearance again.

Such a stellar performer really.

Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Can imagine not being allowed to look at other men's willies in the changing rooms is going to put sean into a pit of despair.

He'll be praying for rain so the dogging can start.

Hope it goes well, Tino, being allowed to keep hand sanitiser in your pocket opens up a whole new world of ball-tampering possibilities.

Sitting in your car on your own when it's raining does sound a bit creepy though. Be sure to drive away if you see Stan Collymore sniffing about.

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Can imagine not being allowed to look at other men's willies in the changing rooms is going to put sean into a pit of despair.  

He'll be praying for rain so the dogging can start.  

The more I look at that sentence, the more I think that Bruce Springsteen is going to use it as a lyric.

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Can imagine not being allowed to look at other men's willies in the changing rooms is going to put sean into a pit of despair.  

He'll be praying for rain so the dogging can start.  

l*l out loud.

Boll*cks, beaten to it by the superior 'fly.

Speaking of which, is the lesser 'fly still MIA? His last post was a cry for help that might have prompted some sympathy if he wasn't such a d1ck.

That's a lot to get used to. It's practically treating you as being infected with the virus without even asking and testing/checking.

Is kneeling before the first ball is bowled compulsory, Tina?

Imagine how tedious his funeral would be if he got to write his own eulogy.

They can't make felatio compulsory, PJ.

Galted wrote:Imagine how tedious his funeral would be if he got to write his own eulogy.

That's the lesser 'fly, not Tino. I'm sure Tino's eulogy would be packed full of staggering facts about invertebrates.

superflyweight wrote:They can't make felatio compulsory, PJ.  

Thought they'd make him bring his own initialled black silk glove for use in the car during the rain breaks.

Pal Joey wrote:That's a lot to get used to. It's practically treating you as being infected with the virus without even asking and testing/checking.

Is kneeling before the first ball is bowled compulsory, Tina?

This is the Home Counties, PJ. I can assure you that Black Lives don't really Matter round these parts.

superflyweight wrote:They can't make felatio compulsory, PJ.  

No, but the whipping of team mates bare bums with a wet towel in the showers was compulsory. Even that is no longer on the cards.

Pal Joey wrote:Such a stellar performer really.

Excellent work, PJ. Shame it went unnoticed by the heathens.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:Such a stellar performer really.

Excellent work, PJ. Shame it went unnoticed by the heathens.

Cheers Jules.
I'll take the michaelising over the next few hours / weekend if nobody has an issue with it.
Have a great weekend everyone... and go well Tina! (leave the mints in the glove box)

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Back in my day (a totally sexist age), the quality and quantity of cricket tea making by a player's girlfriend / wife was the most important factor in selection.

guildfordbat wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Back in my day (a totally sexist age), the quality and quantity of cricket tea making by a player's girlfriend / wife was the most important factor in selection.

Must have irked you, gb, that a genuinely talented all-rounder such as yourself, capable of match-winning feats with both bat and ball, would get left out in favour of Johnny 'Golden Duck' Smith and his bit of crumpet (and her crumpets).

JuliusHMarx wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Back in my day (a totally sexist age), the quality and quantity of cricket tea making by a player's girlfriend / wife was the most important factor in selection.

Must have irked you, gb, that a genuinely talented all-rounder such as yourself, capable of match-winning feats with both bat and ball, would get left out in favour of Johnny 'Golden Duck' Smith and his bit of crumpet (and her crumpets).

The first time I was compelled to do the teas the future Mrs Bat was my fiance. The tea making fell to her as it traditionally did to all the other halves. She in turn called in her mother to assist with the preparations. This resulted in a delicious array of home made sandwiches, sausage rolls and an infinite variety of cakes. The following season when I was next down for teas we had been married getting on for a year. I was given a few packaged M&S sarnies, some Penguin biscuits and told to get on with it!

So you married your good lady for her cricket tea making abilities then , Guildford ?
Seems reasonable ...it is an important skill !

Mine wouldn't have been seen dead at a cricket match when we were courting. But she used to do a fair massage job when I got home so not useless

Lower... lower... ahhh... right there... fist.

guildfordbat wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Back in my day (a totally sexist age), the quality and quantity of cricket tea making by a player's girlfriend / wife was the most important factor in selection.

Not much has changed to be fair. I used to find the pressure of making teas greater than coming in at 22-3 on a green top. Not this season though, my own personal lunch was very satisfactory.

Anyway, we won on Saturday although my own contribution wasn't great. I scored 13 and then received a stinker of a decision. I was LBW but there was a healthy inside edge. I basically took the leather off the ball. I walked off staring at the edge of my bat in protest as the fielding side gave me a cheerful send off.

I also put a catch down at backward point which wasn't ideal.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Back in my day (a totally sexist age), the quality and quantity of cricket tea making by a player's girlfriend / wife was the most important factor in selection.

Not much has changed to be fair. I used to find the pressure of making teas greater than coming in at 22-3 on a green top. Not this season though, my own personal lunch was very satisfactory.

Anyway, we won on Saturday although my own contribution wasn't great. I scored 13 and then received a stinker of a decision. I was LBW but there was a healthy inside edge. I basically took the leather off the ball. I walked off staring at the edge of my bat in protest as the fielding side gave me a cheerful send off.

I also put a catch down at backward point which wasn't ideal.

I once conceded a six in a primary school match when the shot barely cleared square leg.  When I politely suggested to the umpire (ours) afterwards that the boundary was a bit further away than where the ball bounced he told me that he was just eager to signal a six as he'd never done so before.

That same year I was out to the first ball I faced having spent sleepless nights on account of how excited I was about the upcoming cricket season and I cried all the way back to the pavilion.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Morning all.

Got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. Haven't hit a ball since indoor nets stopped in March. Might have to do a quick net session tonight to remember which end of the bat to hold. The return to cricket protocols are stringent - no sweat or spit on ball, have to have hand washing breaks, no passing the ball round the fielders to get it back to the bowler (think we just have to lob it back to them from wherever we are), no changing rooms, have to sit in your own car during rain breaks, fielding side have to have individual hand sanitizers in their pockets, fielding captain has to disinfect the ball with a wipe at various intervals. It's relentless. But worst of all, no teas! No f*cking teas! No sandwiches and sausage rolls. We to take our own food and drink in a named container! I only really play for the communal teas. I love eating sausages rolls that have been fingered by someone else already.

Back in my day (a totally sexist age), the quality and quantity of cricket tea making by a player's girlfriend / wife was the most important factor in selection.

Not much has changed to be fair. I used to find the pressure of making teas greater than coming in at 22-3 on a green top. Not this season though, my own personal lunch was very satisfactory.

Anyway, we won on Saturday although my own contribution wasn't great. I scored 13 and then received a stinker of a decision. I was LBW but there was a healthy inside edge. I basically took the leather off the ball. I walked off staring at the edge of my bat in protest as the fielding side gave me a cheerful send off.

I also put a catch down at backward point which wasn't ideal.

I once conceded a six in a primary school match when the shot barely cleared square leg.  When I politely suggested to the umpire (ours) afterwards that the boundary was a bit further away than where the ball bounced he told me that he was just eager to signal a six as he'd never done so before.

That same year I was out to the first ball I faced having spent sleepless nights on account of how excited I was about the upcoming cricket season and I cried all the way back to the pavilion.

That is one of the saddest stories I have read, Galted.

Look at you now though? So the jokes on that umpire.

Cheers, Tino, it still haunts me.

The prick is probably still teaching and umpiring at primary schools so, unless he's a p*do, the joke's on him.

I once clean bowled a Vicar for a golden duck, the look he gave me suggests i am not going upwards on my demise.

Afternoon fist.

rIck_dAgless wrote:I once clean bowled a Vicar for a golden duck, the look he gave me suggests i am not going upwards on my demise.

Afternoon fist.

Sup, riCK.

I'm more of a batter now but as a school kid I was an opening bowler. We played a students v teacher game one summer at the end of term and I absolutely hated my geography teacher. Anyway, he strolled out to bat at number 4, looking smug. So I pestered the skipper to let me come back on and bowl. He granted me the wish so I came in off my full run up thinking I am either going to get you out or at least get you hopping around. Anyway, turns out that unbeknownst to us he had played minor counties cricket in his youth. Took me for 18 off my one over at him. At one point he said "take that you little c*nt" as he flayed me over point for 4. I like to think he was talking to the ball and not to me.

Having sworn at a student before, it’s a real treat. Much like when you make a consistently naughty child burst into tears.

I’ve played one game of cricket in my life. Golden duck, didn’t bowl, we lost.

I've got a feeling that today's the day Tino will get his elusive fist.

Let's hope so. It's somewhat pathetic to see him trailing in sicond or tird time and again.

He's probably still busy explaining his dubious lbw 'healthy inside edge' excuse to Johnny 'Golden Duck' Smith via Zoom.

Come on, Tino.

Hope he hasn't gone and picked up another death.

Not dead, not fist and not talking to anyone via Zoom.

Talking to suppliers about lining, underlining, silk fabrics and boning (not in that way, Sean).

Move along, nothing to see here.

Is that when you use a plastic 'bone' to avoid wrinkling, Tina.... like those plastic things embedded in the collars of some shirts?

FFS, I can just about accept gaming talk but I won't allow the Tea Society to become a forum for garment manufacture. And neither would Tino until he died and became his wife's beeatch.

JuliusHMarx wrote:FFS, I can just about accept gaming talk but I won't allow the Tea Society to become a forum for garment manufacture. And neither would Tino until he died and became his wife's beeatch.

Unless it's Dave telling us how he made a pair of flip-flops out of the scalps of his neighbours.

Pal Joey wrote:Is that when you use a plastic 'bone' to avoid wrinkling, Tina.... like those plastic things embedded in the collars of some shirts?

Pretty much, PJ. You have to basically make a shell of the dress using various stands, sheets and boning. Then make parts of the garment with dress making muslin before the main fabric is applied. It is a real skill and takes love and attention to get it right.

Apparently.

I wouldn't know. Too busy out in the woods shooting and skinning stuff. Making fires, wrestling bears. That kind of thing.

Just been for a nice trot down the river, where some nice folk have daubed the sculptures meant for kids down there, with swastikas, nothing says protest like emulsion near a metal fish (though fascist fish sounds like a Viz comic to be fair)

Bludy forniners comin over here enjoying our art... C**ts

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:FFS, I can just about accept gaming talk but I won't allow the Tea Society to become a forum for garment manufacture. And neither would Tino until he died and became his wife's beeatch.

Unless it's Dave telling us how he made a pair of flip-flops out of the scalps of his neighbours.

I was going to incorporate "stiffness" into the "boning" remark but then thought I'd better show some respect for one of the centres for modern industrial scale garment manufacturing and slave trading.

Nice michaelsing there PJ. I'm sure Tino would have responded if she weren't to busy sorting out her thimble collection.

JuliusHMarx wrote:Nice michaelsing there PJ. I'm sure Tino would have responded if she weren't to busy sorting out her thimble collection.

You can be sew cruel sometimes, Jules.

Had me in stitches.

That's enough puns on this thread.

Bit of needle tonight for a change with everyone trying to get the last pun in.

Galted pulls another one out.
Darn!