The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

by Rowley Thu 05 Mar 2015, 9:03 am

First topic message reminder :

I love you all, not in a massively gay way, apart from Tina obviously.

991

by Rowley Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:21 pm

Tina's company almost certainly has a shoe shine stand in the reception area. Think we are close to developing a fool proof plan.

by **Union Cane** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:23 pm

You could give these guys a call and have them install one in the lobby / foyer?

http://www.dancefloorhireuk.com/mirrored_dance_floor.htm

by **seanmichaels** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:25 pm

No, no.

Nip out to tesco's, buy a packet of tampons. Next time you're in the kitchen together drop them on the floor and ask her if they are hers/his.

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:28 pm

Do your vaginal trim predicting powers not extend to wherther one is actually present sean?

by **superflyweight** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:37 pm

rick_dagless wrote:Do your imaginary vaginal trim predicting powers not extend to wherther one is actually present sean?

by Guest Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:40 pm

Once dated a girl from work and the first time she got undressed for bed, I caught her silhouette in the window and noticed a bulge in the crotch area...my relief was overwhelming when I discovered she was simply the owner of the most frighteningly hairy bush I've ever encountered on a woman.

I only mention this as using mirrors to check for sausage shape in the groin area isn't a fool proof method.

If they're American you could always mention you're a fan of singer Mina Caputo and then chuckle saying you remember when she sang for Life of Agony and was called Keith

by **seanmichaels** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:49 pm

superflyweight wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Do your imaginary vaginal trim predicting powers not extend to wherther one is actually present sean?

It would work actually. From Windows' description I can already tell you she/he will be a slaphead.

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:53 pm

Puts seans arse in front of her. Even if she has got one she won't for very long.

by **Union Cane** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:55 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Do your imaginary vaginal trim predicting powers not extend to wherther one is actually present sean?

It would work actually. From Windows' description I can already tell you she/he will be a slaphead.

Can you do men as well?

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 1:56 pm

Union wrote:Can you do men as well?

He has form Union...

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 16 Mar 2015, 2:07 pm

DAVE667 wrote:

If they're American you could always mention you're a fan of singer Mina Caputo and then chuckle saying you remember when she sang for Life of Agony and was called Keith

I just googled that. I'm not sure I could convincingly pull off listening to LIFE OF AGONY. He/she will see right through me.

I'd be better off with Jeff's ridiculous comedy fall or Union's almost as ridiculous mirror on the shoe trick.

by Guest Mon 16 Mar 2015, 2:17 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:

If they're American you could always mention you're a fan of singer Mina Caputo and then chuckle saying you remember when she sang for Life of Agony and was called Keith

I just googled that. I'm not sure I could convincingly pull off listening to LIFE OF AGONY. He/she will see right through me.

I'd be better off with Jeff's ridiculous comedy fall or Union's almost as ridiculous mirror on the shoe trick.

You could listen to Life of Agony's album "Broken Valley" or "Hearts Blood on your Dawn" by Keith (aka Mina) Caputo. You might find that one a bit more palatable. Mina's new album is called "As much truth as one can bear". I feel I've done enough to assist you Tina, all that's left is my suggestion you play a game of "Man or Tran" in the office and see what the reaction.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 2:26 pm

You could whistle Lola?

by Guest Mon 16 Mar 2015, 2:42 pm

Or discuss the relative merits of Ru Paul

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 16 Mar 2015, 2:49 pm

DAVE667 wrote:Once dated a girl from work and the first time she got undressed for bed, I caught her silhouette in the window and noticed a bulge in the crotch area...my relief was overwhelming when I discovered she was simply the owner of the most frighteningly hairy bush I've ever encountered on a woman.

Had you not fed the horse before it got that far?

You'd have known about the bush if you'd done a bit of groundwork.

by **Union Cane** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 2:58 pm

You should have taken her to the library and parted the whiskers, Dave.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 2:59 pm

Stroked the ferret.

by **Union Cane** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 2:59 pm

Prised open the bearded oyster.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 3:04 pm

Ten pin bowled it.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 3:06 pm

Massaged the jowls

by **Union Cane** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 3:54 pm

Michaelsed the thread.

by Guest Mon 16 Mar 2015, 4:05 pm

I used to live about three minutes walk from Bradford City Centre and on a work's night out we got chatting, got hammered and she intimated that sex with me wouldn't be a bad idea (little did she know) so we walked/staggered up to my flat and did the deed.

Little or no romance involved at that stage (or at any stage after if I'm being honest). Didn't have an opportunity to woo/finger her in the pub or on the walk up home (didn't want to ruin the atmosphere being the romantic that I am). Got in, straight into the bedroom, clothes off and..."hang on, what the hell is that, it's not, is it...it can't be...it better f*cking not be......thank f*ck for that, it isn't...but I may suggest it gets a trim if this is going to be a regular occurrence." (Unfortunately she didn't as it turns out that asking a lady to trim her massively overgrown and aesthetically unpleasing bush is a harder conversation to start than one would imagine)

by **Union Cane** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 4:30 pm

You could have dropped a gentle hint, for example by putting one in your pocket and taking it into work the next day and pretending pick it out of your teeth and said "phlerumph".

by Guest Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:04 pm

She didn't work in my office and I doubt even Sean would be so crass as to stand in room full of women and make jokes about another woman's thatch

by **Galted** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:30 pm

FIST!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!

Yahoo

by **Galted** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:30 pm

by **Galted** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:31 pm

Bugger.

by Rowley Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:38 pm

Easy mistake to make Galted.

by **Galted** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:40 pm

Thanks, Jeff. Gutted though, really though it was my day.

by Guest Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:45 pm

Galted wrote:Thanks, Jeff. Gutted though, really though it was my day.

Sounds like a typical Sean post jerk-off soliloquy in his bathroom after another imaginary women has failed to have real sex with him

by **Galted** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:48 pm

DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:Thanks, Jeff. Gutted though, really though it was my day.
Sounds like a typical Sean post jerk-off soliloquy in his bathroom after another imaginary women has failed to have real sex with him

Thanks for making me reread my post, just realised I typed "though" twice instead of "though" and "thought".

It should have read something like this:

Galted wrote:Thanks, Jeff. Gutted though, really thought it was my day.

The day really is falling apart. Someone should write a song about not liking Mondays.

by **JuliusHMarx** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 5:57 pm

Galted wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:Thanks, Jeff. Gutted though, really though it was my day.
Sounds like a typical Sean post jerk-off soliloquy in his bathroom after another imaginary women has failed to have real sex with him

Thanks for making me reread my post, just realised I typed "though" twice instead of "though" and "thought".

It should have read something like this:
Galted wrote:Thanks, Jeff. Gutted though, really thought it was my day.

The day really is falling apart. Someone should write a song about not liking Mondays.

The Carpenters.

by **Galted** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 6:08 pm

Jesus was a carpenter when he was just a little fella.

by Guest Mon 16 Mar 2015, 6:46 pm

No he wasn't, when he was a little fella he was a child, when he grew up he was a carpenter/hippy/political activist/terrorist

by **Galted** Mon 16 Mar 2015, 7:15 pm

Nope, clearly says in the bible that Jesus was a carpenter when he was a little fella and the bible is God's word.

by **Union Cane** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 7:00 am

Fist! Yay!

A fistulistic hat-trick, a proud moment indeed.

Morning everyone.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 8:12 am

Morning.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 8:28 am

Morning sean/Union, much going on in your worlds today?

by **Union Cane** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 8:52 am

Not much going on in mine, there probably should be but I'm easing myself back into the world of work and not really paying attention, and I'm half asleep.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 8:59 am

Understandable mate, seems like the default here, but without the valid excuse...

by **seanmichaels** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 9:12 am

Not much for me. Had a pint in the pub last night but left after 1 as it was too c0ck heavy. Maybe Tuesday is Ladies night?

by **ShahenshahG** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 9:13 am

Morning gents. Did Tinos arse get left like a miniscule testament to sean? Or was her thatch just a thatch

by **seanmichaels** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 9:17 am

Anyone read about that plane that had to turn back to Heathrow as someone dispatched the sh1tter?

by **superflyweight** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 9:41 am

Nope, but I did get home from work yesterday to discover that my mother-in-law had reversed her stupid big SUV into my car and done a fair bit of damage and my father-in-law had eaten about 3/4 of the lasagne that we'd made for last night's dinner.

Bastards!

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 9:55 am

Sh1te on here today. Sh1te everywhere today. Just sh1te in general really.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 9:58 am

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/31908620

by **Union Cane** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 10:07 am

Never thought I'd see the words 'smelly poo' in a BBC news headline.

What is the world coming to?

by Rowley Tue 17 Mar 2015, 10:22 am

Morning all

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 10:35 am

Union Cane wrote:Never thought I'd see the words 'smelly poo' in a BBC news headline.

What is the world coming to?

The world is a pool of liquid faecal excrement.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 17 Mar 2015, 10:49 am

On an easyjet flight back from Estonia back in 2004 I remember someone destroying the boggas pretty early doors. Very unpleasant.

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