The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup

Welcome back to the Culture Cup, the CC, where users of an internet forum get to post their opinions with proud confidence. Thank god we have found a space for the demographics we have here to share their voices.

This edition of the CC is another novelty special. We've had Covid-19, we've had Christmas, but we have never tried to work out who the biggest c*nt is. Now, the swear filters (and public decency) mean we cannot use that name, as 606v2 changes Kumquat to kumquat. But I am no quitter, I may lose Hartlepool but I will win the war. We (the CC running community) decided on Cumquat as it keeps the alliteration, is a bit disgusting and men just don't get to talk about cum nearly enough.

The goal of the competition is simple: name the biggest c*nt. There are rules, of course, and a format to follow.

You will be asked to name at least 10 c*nts. Send me, your host, 10-20 names. You do not need to discuss them here beforehand, it will help keep the mystery flowing if you don't completely give your list away, and then I will bring the names together to create a knockout bracket.

No politicians - I just can't be bothered.

A c*nt/kumquat/cumquat is not just the worst person. Hitler isn't a fitting choice. It's more likely to be someone you hate for no good reason or someone who annoys you when you hear their voice or turn on the TV. Like how people viscerally react to seeing Jack Whitehall or how Piers Morgan is a complete c*nt.

Not the Aussie version either. No "good c*nts."

Oh, and no users of the v2 forum. We see you argue all the time, we get it.

Depending on votes, it'll either be 32 or 64 names. The amount of people would dictate the format, might have earlier 3 or 4 person voting rounds before one-to-ones.

Feel free to discuss the concept, people nad any feedback/ideas/questions.

You might also enjoy noting that the swear filter does not work on PM subject lines.

I'm in, as long as we can class objects, entities and animals

I'm in - will take me a while to whittle my choices down to 20.

rIck_dAgless wrote:I'm in, as long as we can class objects, entities and animals

They'd have to be a specific animal, object or entity. Galted's cat would be fine, choosing all lamps would be the opposite, regardless of how much we all hate lamps.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:You might also enjoy noting that the swear filter does not work on PM subject lines.

Or on the notes about why you edited a post.

My list of c*nts has been submitted. I've tried to pick a mix of musicians, sports personalities and TV "stars". I think I've got some proper c*nts on there.

When do we need to put our picks in, flipper?

Ignore, sent mine

No rush, only got a few (I’ve had more messages from Tino than is acceptable).

The guy has anger issues, when he gets his insect army, best be on the none c**t list, it's shorter than the c**t list

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:No rush, only got a few (I’ve had more messages from Tino than is acceptable).

You never answer so I have to keep spamming you.

Just give me your home address, and I'll deliver them in person?

Dolphin, for the avoidance of doubt, the PM I sent you that just said "c*nt" was not related to this cup.

I did wonder why the message was blank.

One more for 10, gonna try nudge some folks

I'm in!!

I have 116 names. 29 groups of 4 and 3 special qualifiers for a final 32? 14 groups of 8 and I can hold the 4 top name backs as seeded picks?

Seeded pricks!

Hadn't noticed someone sent in "wasps"

Someone just sent in enough to make a perfect 124, 16 groups of 8. 4 groups a day for 4 days, lovely.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Hadn't noticed someone sent in "wasps"

Unless someone can convince me wasps are people. I've left in Waffle the Wonder Dog, so wasps may sneak in

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Someone just sent in enough to make a perfect 124, 16 groups of 8. 4 groups a day for 4 days, lovely.

With the winner being Superflyweight.

Excellent. All done and thanks for running the tournament, Flipper.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Someone just sent in enough to make a perfect 124, 16 groups of 8. 4 groups a day for 4 days, lovely.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Hadn't noticed someone sent in "wasps"

Unless someone can convince me wasps are people. I've left in Waffle the Wonder Dog, so wasps may sneak in

White Anglo Saxon Protestants.

Jesus, group 4 is a tough one.

3 of my picks in 1 group. I need to decide who is the least c*ntish of the 3.

It's about time the Culture Cup received recognition for it's groundbreaking tournaments.

Votes cast, I feel Bono is low hanging fruit

Beer wrote:It's about time the Culture Cup received recognition for it's groundbreaking tournaments.

The nation needs to know that this website hates: Emma Watson, Stephen King, Sara Pascoe and Tim Henman. Those well-known swines

Why is Musk getting so many votes.

He is a bit of a t*t but not a c*nt.

He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

Seconded.

rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

Yeah but he going to rescue Matt Damon from Mars.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

Yeah but he going to rescue Matt Damon from Mars.

If he does, he will be a massive c**t about it.

Musk is a dictionary definition c*nt.

My votes are cast. Branson must be delighted to be in Group 4 - he might have romped home in any other group.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

Yeah but he going to rescue Matt Damon from Mars.

Unfortunately when someone else more qualified actually does rescue Matt Damon from Mars (why?) Musk will write something allegedly libelous about them

Harsh on Virat Kohli in group 2.

No way is he twice as big a c*nt than Swanny.

Bit upset at everyone for hiding away on this thread without telling me it exists.

If it's not too late I'd like to nominate everyone on here except myself.

Galted wrote:I'd like to nominate everyone on here except myself.

Shah was way ahead of you. Might as well have been a hitlist.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:

Galted wrote:I'd like to nominate everyone on here except myself.

Shah was way ahead of you. Might as well have been a hitlist.

Haha, please tell me that one of the groups is composed entirely of CC full members.

Galted wrote:

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:

Galted wrote:I'd like to nominate everyone on here except myself.

Shah was way ahead of you. Might as well have been a hitlist.

Haha, please tell me that one of the groups is composed entirely of CC full members.

I took us all out, taking out posters so as not to allow Tino to be targeted

I can't believe I've only just noticed this. Heartbroken to have missed out on another CC!

rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

He made me a few hundred quid on Dogecoin so he's alright in my book.

Glad you got a few quid, Samo, but this is a prime example why he is a c**t, he plays dogecoin with memes like a fiddle, goes against everything that crypto stands for.

rIck_dAgless wrote:Glad you got a few quid, Samo, but this is a prime example why he is a c**t, he plays dogecoin with memes like a fiddle, goes against everything that crypto stands for.

Yeah, but he makes rockets. I love rockets. Big rockets.

With one day of voting to go on four rounds, our guaranteed qualifiers are:

Noel Edmonds
Tucker Carlson
Gemma Collins
Tim Martin
Elon Musk
Meghan Markle
Eddie Hearn
Katie Price
Frankie Boyle
Bono
David Warner
Julia Hartley Brewer
Olly Smith from Saturday Kitchen
Owen Jones
Sean Hannity
Russell Brand
Gavin Henson
Piers Morgan
Nick Ferrari
Richard Littlejohn

These people came joint second in their group and will go into an extra qualifying round:

Richard Keys
Prince Andrew
Kim Kardashian
Kevin Pietersen
Tyson Fury
Laura Kuenssberg
Wayne Lineker
Sam Smith
Joe Rogan

They will compete for the remaining places in the final 32 with a list I forgot to include:

Axel F – creator of Crazy Frog
Li Zuocheng (chinese military)
Shi Zhengli (chinese Wuhan lab scientist)
Jared Kushner
Bill O’Reilly
Alec Baldwin

Thanks Flipper.

That is one almighty list of c**ts. Those names ought to be carved on a stone obelisk somewhere.

I might have been mixing up the katie's earlier on. The hate monger with the one who made her later career with a 'poor me look at my disabled son' routine. I am very sorry for her son but wonder if she ever bothered to look up the symptoms of foetal alcohol syndrome.

lostinwales wrote:I might have been mixing up the katie's earlier on. The hate monger with the one who made her later career with a 'poor me look at my disabled son' routine. I am very sorry for her son but wonder if she ever bothered to look up the symptoms of foetal alcohol syndrome.

Her earlier career was 'look how many blokes i've shagged'.

Can we all just agree now that it's Tim Martin and spare Flipper the admin?

superflyweight wrote:Can we all just agree now that it's Tim Martin and spare Flipper the admin?  

Yes.