The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

by **JuliusHMarx** Fri 10 Apr 2015, 10:48 am

First topic message reminder :

Hajduk

by **Galted** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:40 am

I once got fingered when I worked in a library.

I was checking that all the books in the wasp section were there as someone had been stealing them when someone pulled down my trousers, stuck a finger in my bum and ran away.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:41 am

and had sex at least a further 10 times.

by Guest Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:42 am

I once did it to my girlfriend in the kitchen whilst we had guests in the living room.

One for the Culture lovers - Did it to the same girlfriend in the Nation Media Museum back when it was National Museum of Photography Film and Television (ok, she did work there and it was in her office although we did do it one her supervisor's desk as well but I'm claiming it)

Also did it to the very same girlfriend in St Luke's Hospital (I worked there at the time and it was relatively deserted)

by **seanmichaels** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:45 am

Galted wrote:I once got fingered when I worked in a library.

I was checking that all the books in the wasp section were there as someone had been stealing them when someone pulled down my trousers, stuck a finger in my bum and ran away.

poo finger......

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:45 am

DAVE667 wrote:I once did it to my girlfriend in the kitchen whilst we had guests in the living room.

One for the Culture lovers - Did it to the same girlfriend in the Nation Media Museum back when it was National Museum of Photography Film and Television (ok, she did work there and it was in her office although we did do it one her supervisor's desk as well but I'm claiming it)

Also did it to the very same girlfriend in St Luke's Hospital (I worked there at the time and it was relatively deserted)

Shut up sean.

by Guest Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:49 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:I once did it to my girlfriend in the kitchen whilst we had guests in the living room.

One for the Culture lovers - Did it to the same girlfriend in the Nation Media Museum back when it was National Museum of Photography Film and Television (ok, she did work there and it was in her office although we did do it one her supervisor's desk as well but I'm claiming it)

Also did it to the very same girlfriend in St Luke's Hospital (I worked there at the time and it was relatively deserted)

Shut up sean.

Sounds very Michaels-esque doesn't it but they'll all true stories.

Also did my mate's girlfriend in the ladies toilet at Bradford Central Police Station after a night out. She needed a wee, I had my warrant card on me, he was hammered and oblivious to the fact we'd gone...the rest is history.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:51 am

Muff before mates.

by **Union Cane** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:55 am

rick_dagless wrote:Morning Union, how is life with the sproglet going?

Good thanks mate, although I am spending a lot more time awake than I had become used to.

Haven't played golf in 6 months either.

by Guest Thu 23 Apr 2015, 11:56 am

seanmichaels wrote:Muff before mates.

I call him a mate but he was mates with one of my other mates and we just hung around in the same circles/mosh pits. As I continued my affair with his other half I had to cultivate the friendship somewhat. She was the love of my life (before I met my wife obviously) and they live in the same village as me (I call it a village, it's got a main road running through it and no duck pond but it does have a village hall so technically it's a village ...f*ck off) which does make things a bit awkward.

by Rowley Thu 23 Apr 2015, 12:07 pm

I once did a sex with my wife.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 12:08 pm

I walked in on a tophat wannabe shagging a junkie prostitute on a car bonnet in East London. I don't know how to describe what he was doing except taking a step run up and thrusting his hips at her but his stomach was getting in the way. so he wasnt getting any joy and the poor emaciated scarecrow was getting pushed up the bonnet and onto the windscreen.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 23 Apr 2015, 12:24 pm

Rowley wrote:I once did a sex with my wife.

So did I.

by Rowley Thu 23 Apr 2015, 12:25 pm

That explains why she is not bothered with the idea any more.

by **Galted** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 12:39 pm

I once had a w*nk walking along the strip of park between Brent Reservoir and the North Circular. I was monumentally stoned (non ISIS).

by **seanmichaels** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:08 pm

That is just wrong.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:11 pm

seanmichaels wrote:That is just wrong.

It's not even a sexual conquest anecdote.

It's just flashing, that's all it is.

by **superflyweight** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:12 pm

Is a real w@nk in a park worse than a pretend sex in a lay-by?

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:12 pm

sean wrote:That is just wrong.

I bet it felt so right...

Union wrote:Good thanks mate, although I am spending a lot more time awake than I had become used to.

Haven't played golf in 6 months either.

Glad to hear it (not the lack of sleep bit) as for the golf, every cloud as a silver lining i guesss...

by **superflyweight** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:15 pm

I see you beat me to the 4000 club, rick. Did you mark it?

by kingraf Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:21 pm

I once fingered a girl on the high school pavilion during an athlete meet. Was drunk out of my mind, and couldn't even see faces.... But it happened. GOSPEL. How I didn't get into the brown stuff for that is beyond me.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:27 pm

super wrote:I see you beat me to the 4000 club, rick. Did you mark it?

I didn't even notice super, rats, another time to shine passes me by.

I believe it was either me congratulating sean on a dwarf pun, or a dead prostitute joke...

Could've gone better to be fair.

by Rowley Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:31 pm

Right, who wants to go on Pointless with me? They are taking new applications and all my mates are thick. I have asked Tina first as he is my favourite but he knocked me back. Only apply if you have an impressive range of general knowledge as I want to win.

by **Galted** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:46 pm

I'm up for it. A w*nk on tv would complement my park effort (which I should've added happened at about 2.30 am).

by **seanmichaels** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:47 pm

kingraf wrote:I once fingered a girl on the high school pavilion during an athlete meet. Was drunk out of my mind, and couldn't even see faces.... But it happened. GOSPEL. How I didn't get into the brown stuff for that is beyond me.

How do you know you didn't if it was dark?

Happened to a mate in Ibiza. When he got back the next morning the girls pointed out that he looked as if he'd been gardening.

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:47 pm

I would have gone on with you Jeff, but you asked Tino first and my wounded ego now prevents me from saying yes. Your loss.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:47 pm

Can do Jeffers, but G-units Hi-Tecs would look the bomb on prime time...

by **superflyweight** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:52 pm

Rowley wrote:Right, who wants to go on Pointless with me? They are taking new applications and all my mates are thick. I have asked Tina first as he is my favourite but he knocked me back. Only apply if you have an impressive range of general knowledge as I want to win.

I'll do it, but you'll kick yourself if there's a round on librarians with questionable moral standards.

by Rowley Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:54 pm

This is difficult, I fear I will end up offending someone, I have already offended Jules.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:56 pm

I'm not allowed sadly. Banned under the malicious communications act. All I did was tell the infidel pig son of a hybrid cowpig that he and his newborn children and post natal wife would burn in hell for eternity getting their eyes gouged out over and over again As they roasted in the pit beside Jimmy Saville.

I should have known a judge wouldn't uphold freedom of speech.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:57 pm

Rowley wrote:This is difficult, I fear I will end up offending someone, I have already offended Jules.

Jeff, tell Jules exactly what I said to you via PM. The bit about him anyway, not the stuff about our threesome with Alba, that is our business.

Go on, tell the old soldier.

by Rowley Thu 23 Apr 2015, 1:59 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:This is difficult, I fear I will end up offending someone, I have already offended Jules.

Jeff, tell Jules exactly what I said to you via PM. The bit about him anyway, not the stuff about our threesome with Alba, that is our business.

Go on, tell the old soldier.

Good idea Tina, this is quoted verbatim You and Jules would make a formidable team though. You should go on with him.

Have left out the stuff about not going on with Galted as he is thick and wears rubbish clothes.

by **superflyweight** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:00 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:This is difficult, I fear I will end up offending someone, I have already offended Jules.

Jeff, tell Jules exactly what I said to you via PM. The bit about him anyway, not the stuff about our threesome with Alba, that is our business.

Go on, tell the old soldier.

The Barcelona left back?

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:01 pm

superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:This is difficult, I fear I will end up offending someone, I have already offended Jules.

Jeff, tell Jules exactly what I said to you via PM. The bit about him anyway, not the stuff about our threesome with Alba, that is our business.

Go on, tell the old soldier.

The Barcelona left back?

The hifi. Because hifis don't hit back

by **Galted** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:01 pm

Jules chooses to be offended, I suspect that he is the Dr Jekyll to mclaren's Mr Hyde. I will give up my place if it calms an ego but it would be your loss as I've recently added another string to the not inconsiderable bow: suffering only moderate lacerations while placing a cat in a dryer.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:03 pm

superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:This is difficult, I fear I will end up offending someone, I have already offended Jules.

Jeff, tell Jules exactly what I said to you via PM. The bit about him anyway, not the stuff about our threesome with Alba, that is our business.

Go on, tell the old soldier.

The Barcelona left back?

Yes, you have an issue with that?

by Guest Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:03 pm

If there's a round where they ask about killers who f*cked the stabwounds they made in their victims, I may be a valuable asset. Failing that, you'll just be stood next to a angry bald man desperately trying not to play air guitar to the SLAYER tracks on a constant loop in his head.

by Guest Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:04 pm

Galted wrote:Jules chooses to be offended, I suspect that he is the Dr Jekyll to mclaren's Mr Hyde. I will give up my place if it calms an ego but it would be your loss as I've recently added another string to the not inconsiderable bow: suffering only moderate lower back pain while placing a dead hooker in a shallow grave.

by **Galted** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:09 pm

DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:Jules chooses to be offended, I suspect that he is the Dr Jekyll to mclaren's Mr Hyde. I will give up my place if it calms an ego but it would be your loss as I've recently added another string to the not inconsiderable bow: suffering only moderate lower back pain while placing a dead hooker in a shallow grave.

Speak for yourself, the only pain I get from dead hookers is tootache or indigestion.

by Guest Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:10 pm

Galted wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:Jules chooses to be offended, I suspect that he is the Dr Jekyll to mclaren's Mr Hyde. I will give up my place if it calms an ego but it would be your loss as I've recently added another string to the not inconsiderable bow: suffering only moderate lower back pain while placing a dead hooker in a shallow grave.

Speak for yourself, the only pain I get from dead hookers is tootache or indigestion.

Oh, for the f*cking sake of f*ck Galted

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:12 pm

DAVE667 wrote:If there's a round where they ask about killers who f*cked the stabwounds they made in their victims, I may be a valuable asset. Failing that, you'll just be stood next to a angry Jon Jo Shelvey lookalike desperately trying not to play air guitar to the CELINE DION tracks on a constant loop in his head.

by **Union Cane** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:14 pm

TOOTACHE:

by **superflyweight** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:15 pm

I'm 3/4 of the way through the 12th and final volume of Anthony Powell's 'A Dance to the Music of Time'. I'm fairly sure I could name a large number of characters from the books who would register a pointless answer. Am also fairly well versed on the paintings of Poussin and Tiepolo as a result of reading the books.

by Rowley Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:17 pm

Superfly is making a compelling argument, he can do the high brow stuff and I'll pick up the slack on the low brow stuff like naming Five Star singles.

by Guest Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:19 pm

System Addict.....

by Rowley Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:20 pm

Bit obvious Dave, I'd always go with If I Say Yes, sure to be a far lower scorer.

by **superflyweight** Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:20 pm

I can also name for certainty every Best Film Oscar winner in chronological order since 1980.

by Rowley Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:21 pm

You've won superfly. Sorry to Rick, galted and any others that may have offered.

I am deadly serious by the way. I am applying tomorrow night. I will be in touch.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:23 pm

Rowley wrote:Superfly is making a compelling argument, he can do the high brow stuff

He makes sh*t up though. He is worse than Sean.

Why am I the only person that sees through his lies.

by Guest Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:26 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:Superfly is making a compelling argument, he can do the high brow stuff

He makes sh*t up though. He is worse than Sean.

Why am I the only person that see through his lies.

You're better than all of us?

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 23 Apr 2015, 2:27 pm

DAVE667 wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:Superfly is making a compelling argument, he can do the high brow stuff

He makes sh*t up though. He is worse than Sean.

Why am I the only person that see through his lies.
You're better than all of us?

I f*cking love you, David.

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