The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

I hope Jules is quick enough to get the thread split with one of his puns. Would hate it to be something tedious.

Looks like I've just about finally killed the EU referendum thread.

Took slightly longer than I thought and credit must go the mods and admin for exhibiting a lot more patience than I would have had.

606v3 has been fecking carnage this week.

Rowley wrote:606v3 has been fecking carnage this week.

It should be banned, way too much overexcitable fanny, I'm going to take weeks to cover. Woke up outside Rotterdam this afternoon with no idea how I got here.

Bit Poopie on here. Just back from France. Love at 2000th sight.... Everyone ok?

Unmichaelsed!

Hope Jules isn't Wilder although I expect he is.

Gutentag Notches. Good weekends?

morning Shah, very good weekend cheers, and you?

Pretty dead although I did stumble around Northampton high as a kite. It was as much fun as it sounds....feck all. Food was good as was the driver and his choice in music. Nice to see old friends but other than that sitting around and ploughed through the Salvatore collection. What you get upto?

Friends over and food on Friday, out watching the football on Saturday, pub crawl with Mrs D on Sunday, and had a pool match yesterday, all in all a busy and fun weekend.

On a 3 day week so life is good!

Wonder if this place will perk up this week.

Doubt it. Tina is in Spain. Michaels is in pain. Rowley is at a Coldplay soggy biscuit party Dave has picked up running again and Julius Wilder died last might. Looks like it's just you, me and superfly.

Fair enough mate, I don't normally jump on the celebrity death sympathy bandwagon, but I loved nearly all the films that Gene Wilder was in, the man was a legend, and the fact that he kept his illness under the radar, because some of his films were watched by children and he did not want parents to have to have an awkward conversation just shows what a guy he was.

Thank you for the glowing tribute rick, but I'm not Gene Wilder.

Glad to hear it Jules!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRTkCHE1sS4

Michaels in the prefect's common room.

JuliusHMarx wrote:Thank you for the glowing tribute rick, but I'm not Gene Wilder.

Hello again mate, you're Frak Lazarus.

Morning all, just been to see my GP. I haven't have a stroke and I don't have a brain tumour but I have to go for ANOTHER brain scan. FFS!

Saddened to hear about Gene Wilder, may watch Blazing Saddles in tribute.

"My name's Jim but most people call me....Jim."

Morning DAVE, sounds like alien brain bugs to me.

Blazing Saddles is in my top 3 films of all time, and depending on my mood, is often number 1, watched Young Frankenstein the other day as it was on TV and forgot how good that was also!

I had a grand weekend, thanks to everyone for asking, and this was the finest moment of the aforementioned weekend...

Was at a restaurant in Utrecht on Saturday and decided to order the couscous and halloumi salad.  Had to ask the waitress three times but she just stared at me blankly then, still none the wiser as to what I wanted to eat, asked me to point out my order on the menu.  I did so and she said, "ah, you mean coushcoush and halloumi" so I gave her the slow, patronising smile I reserve for people who are foreign and thus imbeciles and agreed that that was what I had meant to order.

The Punchline
When the salad came it wasn't coushcoush and halloumi but… couscous and halloumi!  Dopey bint.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?

Classic Wilder, supes.

The sheriff is near? (Yes I know it wasn't Gene but it's from a film of his)

Blazing Saddles (1974)
[Recalling his gunfighting career]
Jim: I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.

Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we... black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake... but we're very puzzled.

[Jim downs a bottle of whiskey in one long guzzle]
Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE.
Jim: [eagerly] When?

Bart: I better go check out this Mongo character.
[Bart reaches for his gun]
Jim: Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.

Jim: Uh-oh, Bart. I think Mongo here's taken a liking to you.
Mongo: Huh-huh, naw, Mongo straight.

Jim: [consoling Bart] What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

Bart: Well, Jim, since you are my guest and I am your host, what's your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: Oh, I don't know. Play chess... screw...
Bart: [quickly] Well, let's play chess.

Jim: Well, it got so that every urine-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... and there I was, face to face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little I am a twonk of the highest order shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle... and I've been there ever since.

[to two members of the KKK, while pretending to capture Bart]
Jim: Oh, boys! Lookee what I got heyuh.
Bart: Hey, where are the white women at?

Hedley Lamarr: Sign here.
[Bart reaches for the pen... revealing his black hands]
Jim: [quickly] Why, Rhett! How many times have I told you to wash up after weekly cross burning?
[licks his fingers, then rubs Bart's hand]
Jim: See, it's coming off.
[Taggart whips off Bart's hood]
Bart: And now, for my next impression... Jesse Owens.
[Runs off]

Bart: I'm rapidly becoming a big underground success in this town.
Jim: See? In another twenty-five years, you'll be able to shake their hands in broad daylight.

Bart: What's your name?
Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim.

[last lines]
Jim: [who still has his popcorn and soda from the Chinese Theater] Where you headed, cowboy?
Bart: Nowhere special.
Jim: Nowhere special? I always wanted to go there.
Bart: Come on.
[Jim mounts up and they ride off into the sunset... in a limousine!]

Jim: I'd better sit up.
[struggles to straighten himself]
Bart: Need any help?
Jim: Oh... all I can get.

Bart: Checkmate.
Jim: What?
Bart: Checkmate.
Jim: Why, you devious son of a bitch.
[picking up his whiskey bottle]
Jim: Happy days.

Jim: [Bart comes in after spending the night with Lili Von Stupp] Oh deary dear. Look what the cat dragged in.

Jim: [to Bart] What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?

Jim: Look at my hand.
[raises hand and holds it level]
Bart: Steady as a rock.
Jim: [raises his other hand, which is violently trembling] Yeah, but I shoot with this one.

Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Gum Chewer: [chewing gum] Murder... armed robbery... mayhem...
Hedley Lamarr: Wait a moment. What have you got in your mouth?
Gum Chewer: [stops chewing] Nuff'm.
Hedley Lamarr: "Nuff'm", eh? Lyle!
Lyle: [searches the man's mouth] Gum!
Hedley Lamarr: Chewing gum on line, eh? I hope you brought enough for everybody.
Gum Chewer: [panicked] I didn't know there was going to be so many!
[Hedley shoots the gum chewer]
Jim: [hidden behind a rock] Boy, is he strict!

Bart: [watching Mongo's rampage] I don't know what it is.
[Van Johnson bursts into the office]
Van Johnson: Sheriff! Mongo's back! He's...
[realizes Bart is on the opposite side of the room, and turns around]
Van Johnson: Sheriff! Mongo's back! He's breaking up the whole town! You've got to help us, please!
Bart: Did you hear that? Now it's "please". This morning, I couldn't get the time of day. Who is this Mongo, anyway?
Jim: Well, Mongo ain't exactly a "who". He's more of a "what".
Van Johnson: What he said.
Bart: Well, now, I don't know...
Van Johnson: Oh, thank you, Sheriff! Oh, thank you very much! Thank you!
[runs to the door and flings it open]
Van Johnson: [shouting] The fool's going to... I mean, the sheriff's going to do it!

Bart: Hey, maybe you should eat somethin' first.
Jim: No thanks, food makes me sick.

I like the scene in "See No Evil, Hear No Evil" when they're driving the car with Pryor driving ad Wilder giving directions left and right as required, they drive into a meat processing plant and Wilder starts screaming "COWS, COWS" then they end up on a garbage bars and Wilder just goes off on one.  Dunno why but it cracks me up every time. Like the scene in Willy Wonka when he's explaining the Granddad why the contract is null and void and his hair flying every which where...stupid but so funny at the same time. Forgot to mention his segment in "Everything you ever wanted to know about sex...." where he plays a therapist...brilliant!

I struggle to find a bad film he is in top be honest mate, all the stuff he did with both Pryor and Brooks, is quality.

If you want to see the worst TV programme Pilot of all time, check out "Black Bart" which was the spinoff TV pilot from Blazing Saddles, none of the original cast or crew on it, my word what a giant steaming turd that was.

Does anyone know how many posts I'm on?

You planning anything special for 15k Jules?

Or is it going to drift into obscurity?

My 15k post consisted of excessive swearing...much like the previous 14999

I can only dream of reaching such dizzy heights.

You're nearly on 7500 rick. You're halfway there, livin' on a prayer.

I predict Jules' 15000th post will be filled with details of his sexual conquests, many of which will be described in violently pornographic detail...























or he'll write a nice poem!

Cheers Jules, gives me motivation after working on the docks.

It's 50/50 DAVE...

Hey you never know, he may regale us with tales of his sexual conquest but in verse.

Helen, I loved her to bits
She had the most wonderful....

or

I once had a girl called Regina
With a vast and cavernous....

or

I made love to lass from Harden
She let me tend her love garden....

A poster called sean is my online chum.

A poster called sean is my online chum.
Who has but one rule of thumb

Bit cleaner than the one I was expecting DAVE, but then I am sure that Shah special sense must've been tingling.

A poster called sean is my online chum.
Who has but one rule of thumb
but his hatred is false for he'll succumb

A poster called sean is my online chum.
Who has but one rule of thumb
but his hatred is false for he'll succumb
yadda yadda yadda bum

A poster called sean is my online chum.
Who has but one rule of thumb
but his hatred is false for he'll succumb
yadda yadda yadda bum
15k on a dead man's behest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Late on here today. Buenos Notches

Indeedy, been a busy morn, wonder what Jules 15k was?

Morning mate

JuliusHMarx wrote:A poster called sean is my online chum.
Who has but one rule of thumb
but his hatred is false for he'll succumb
yadda yadda yadda bum

This one. Fitting I think because that's how much men can fit in Sean's bum. Simultaneously.

All good in the hood?

Ah fitting in more ways than one.

All good here mate, back in the North today so all I right with the world. How goes the south?

Not too bad actually. Knackered as feck though. Bank holiday is more trouble than it's worth. Still haven't gotten around to regularly attending the gym. Think i'll go as soon as I finish my shift then force myself until it becomes routine. Might visit the docs as well to get that fecking champix.

Morning notches, as usual, I have nothing of interest to report or add to spice up your undoubtedly already full, rich and varied sex lives days.

If this thread weren't nailed to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies.

ShahenshahG wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:A poster called sean is my online chum.
Who has but one rule of thumb
but his hatred is false for he'll succumb
yadda yadda yadda bum

This one. Fitting I think because that's how much men can fit in Sean's bum. Simultaneously.

All good in the hood?

Also, I didn't want to disrupt the poem with some self-indulgent twaddle like Tino might do. For me, the good of the Culture Cup always takes priority over any personal milestones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asxrMSVrJ08

Afternoon notches

Buttered toast and eggs.

7/10

Ham salad sarnie, couple of chips for texture, can of Irn Bru, 8/10

Afternoon all, what's going down in your respective towns?

Boredom sadly. It's that transitional week between holidays and work starting in earnest so lots of running about. What about yourself?